Her troubled mind would not rest. She thought of Iskata, of Asphyxia, of Lubomir, and of her children, her babies. She hadn't visited their grave yet. Colibri had buried them at the graveyard at the edge of the packlands, but she could not gather strength to go there. Physically she was quite fine now, able to travel here and there, but mentally she was weak. Weak regarding that matter anyways. So many things had happened while she had been occupied with wallowing around in self pity, and though she was not quite done with the self pity thing, she needed to pick up and engage herself. First, she wanted to speak to her brother. His return had been a tremendous lift for her, but now the joy was tainted. She was worried, and she was.. not angry. Not upset either perhaps. But she was curious, and she needed to know why he had done what he did. He had never behaved like the reckless kind, but after what her aunt had told her, maybe she did not know him at all. Maybe there would be a stranger greeting her, maybe there would be a bloodthirsty monster. Lifting the white muzzle to the sky, she called out for her chocolate colored sibling, and she knew that he would come. He was Haku, and she loved him dearly. Surely he knew that. Surely he did not want to disappoint her.

She had not waited long before a familiar brown and white figure approached her, smiling, and saying her name. She watched him for a little while, thinking he still looked quite a bit like he had when they were children, yet something was different. People could say what they wanted about him, and his odd ways of thinking, but he was her brother and thus it would never matter. Her own white tail wagged to match his torn one, and she pressed her muzzle against his neck, smiling, as a greeting. She was happy to see him, but she was worried. Worried, mostly, of how to ask him; she did not want him to misunderstand. Hesitating, she looked at the ground for a while before her green eyes met his vibrant blue. Haku Words stopped halfway in her throat and she paused, searching for a way to express what she felt. Perhaps to start with what was positive first?

Carefully not mentioning Iskata (her aunt obviously feared him, and - if there was reason to - Mew did not want to jeopardize her), she formed a clumsy sentence and stared at the ground again. Suddenly she was shy. I heard about Asphyxia. I.. wanted to thank you. She paused again, uncertain of what to say. A small ant was crawling around on the ground, heading for her front left paw, and her eyes was fixed on it as she spoke, as if the ant was the one she was speaking to, and not Haku. I don't know what to say, to be honest, but I'm proud, in a way.

His brown paw squished the ant that was the focus of her gaze, and she was forced to look up at him. So, he would not be subtle about this. Fine with her, most of the time she preferred talking directly, saying what was on her mind in its true form, and it seemed to her that so did he. Green met blue as she looked at him, and he did not turn away from her gaze. Yes, she was proud of his revenge for her, but what did she feel about the others? She hated them all, she wanted them to disappear. Perhaps not die, but at least driven away. But the child he had killed tore at her mind, what if it had not been tainted? And if he had done that also, for her, then she was surprised and slightly disappointed in him. Needless blood spilled, even if it was coyote blood. Her mind was blank now; she did not need to pretend or judge whether her words would offend. If he became angry at her, then so be it, it would not change how she looked at him, trusting him to understand what she said without searching for any underlying bullshit. I am proud. She is filthy, and she deserved it. But the others confuse me. Perhaps you can enlighten me, because I do not want to believe you did that, too, for me.

What he said was true, in a way. Mew believed that if they had adopted the child instead, then it could have been saved. Brought up to understand to be just, and controlled, unlike the Inferni way. It was true; they were wreaking havoc onto them all, and no one seemed to dare to stop them. Perhaps it was time to do so, and that Haku was right to show that they would not be oppressed by them. With the loss of her own children, however, she could not forgive him for killing the child, although she did not say it. It would lead to a less than constructive conversation. She was glad, though, that he had done it for different reasons than the attack on her, and it lifted her darkened mind slightly. Yet she could feel enthusiasm rise, or rage, or a combination. The subject was dangerous for her lately, proven by how she had reacted during the conversation with Iskata. Don't get me wrong, there are few things I would like to see more than to see them fall, to make them disappear. No one are safe with them around. But I wanted to hear your side of the story, I needed to know why you did it. There is, however, the issue of whether it was right of you to throw our tiny pack into a war with them. They are superior to us in numbers, and it worries me.

Mew never intended to hint at underlying opinions when she spoke with her brother; her words meant what they meant, without any double meanings. She knew she could speak freely, and she did. Although, this time, it did not seem like it went down too well, and Mew reacted to his tone. Who was he to try and teach her how the world was? She knew very well that it was not black and white, else why would she even consider the worth of the young coyote, who is clearly in the grey-zone of the conflict within her? She had traveled the world since she left and since he last saw her, and although she had been weak at his return and acted like it, it did not mean she would accept this kind of arrogance from her baby brother. I know the world is not only black and white, Haku, and I never suggested it was, nor did I claim anyone was wrong or right in the first place. I'm not as naive as I used to be, unfortunately. It was unfortunate; the world had been a shinier place when she had been slightly less realistic and slightly higher above the ground. She wasn't angry, despite speaking as if she was. Her voice and body remained calm as she spoke, yet she was still uncertain of what to say to him. The conversation was started now though, and she would see to that it continued until she had the information she wanted.

But yes, I don't feel as if we are very strong at the moment. We need more people behind us, and since you are the most passionate about the cause, having done something about it, I suggest you join us. Colibri is here, too, it would be like in the old days, only we're older, yet about just as awkward.

There had been tension in their conversation, partly because Mew did not know how to put her feelings into words, and partly because she didn't always know how to speak with her brother. When they spoke of simple things, he was easy, but once it got to more serious matters he quickly became.. not arrogant, but something alike. Sort of like the older sibling, who has decided they know better, and tells you to accept it. Mew had never attempted to take on such a role, after all there was only minutes between them, but he was quick to assume that he knew more than her. But she had changed a lot since she left, and she would be patient with him. She needed to get to know him, and he needed to get to know her. Still she was tense though, because the hardest thing for her to say was still to be said. And after what Iskata said he seemed somewhat unreliable, in terms of how he reacted. She did not exactly fear him, but something still nagged at her, and she was not certain she wanted to know the reason behind his behavior. She wanted him to be her innocently happy baby brother, whose world was his own, where he was best and anyone who got his attention should feel honored for it. Others had described him as a monster, but it was incomprehensible to her. Though perhaps only a monster could do what he had done. The thought would not let go.

Good. I had hoped you would say yes, and it's nice to have you around, baby brother. She smiled, and pressed her muzzle against the warm fur on his neck. It was true; no matter what people said she loved him dearly, and nothing could change that. Unless he proved dangerous... But still then she would care for him, there was something in the sharing of the blood. She liked having him around, and she was glad that he decided to do so. Having him close was a true support. But the other aspect remained. She pulled away from him, and examined him with green eyes, smile vanishing from her face to give way to a more serious expression. I have a condition though... A pause, dangerously long, and Mew threw her words out before the lack of sound turned awkward. You have to promise that you won't put any of the pack members in danger, or harm them. I don't mean indirect harm, I mean from you, baby brother. Word has it that you sometimes act.. unpredictably violent... Instantly she wanted to slap her own face, it had come out wrong. But there was no turning back now, and all she could do was await the reply to her stupid words. A white, worried face looked at him, begging him not to misunderstand, begging him to see that it was her worry for him that brought her to ask this of him. She wanted him to see that she didn't mean anything against him with it. It was merely a precaution, and she spoke for the safety of the pack, not for herself. Damn, she became such an emotional wreck when it came to her own family.

He looked at her for a while before saying anything. The silence was somewhat unbearable to the ivory female, and suddenly it changed to become something more unbearable. His body language turned cold, he changed into a stranger. Mew felt herself staring at the change with disbelief. He had taken it the wrong way, then. She wished she had never spoken to him about everything, never started this conversation. Would it be like this, then? That she lost him when she had finally found him again? Was it that easy for him, to discard the fact that she had always shown him that she cared for him? He obviously didn't believe it now. It was as if he discarded all of her, his eyes gave her nothing, as if he was looking at nothing. She felt as if she might throw up, but she didn't know why. He spoke, and his words reflected the behavior he showed with his body. A monster? Why would she worry about the wellbeing of a monster? He didn't understand what had driven her to do this at all. He obviously didn't know her as she thought he did. And if he couldn't be bothered to try and understand, and instead acted as if she was nothing, how could she change that? She would have to try, she didn't have much choice. She was going to live with him, regardless of whether he cared for her at all, and she needed him to understand her. She would have taken on an angry stance, but something within her stopped her from doing so. Instead, she - for once - showed what truly went on in her head, without wrapping it up in defensive behaviour. She was quiet as she spoke, looking down to the ground. Truly, she was hurt and upset at his behavior, and these were not false reactions.

Haku, I've never called you a monster.. Her words could make no difference at all for what she knew. Why should she bother? It obviously wasn't hard to throw her away like dirt. She looked up again, the pause had only lasted a second of two. Words came out of her mouth without her thinking. If you know me at all, then you know that I trust you with my life... I gave a promise to ask this of you, and I keep promises. She wished she had never told Iskata that she would take the matter in her own hands. That she would ensure the pack's safety from the unpredictable violence that people meant came from her baby brother. Her voice was not defiant, as it could have been had it been any other person than Haku standing in front of her. It was quiet, and it was hurt. It was begging him to understand, but he seemed as if he had made up his mind regarding her. If he would never love her again for this, then Mew had truly lost something she had treasured greatly, although she hadn't realized the extent of the impact he had made on her life until this point. Why was it always like that? That it took something negative for her to appreciate and understand what was positive? She could only wait for his reply and hope that he did not push her away fully.

He seemed to beat around the bush. Not wanting to properly and directly answer her request. It quickly made the femme angry; she was asking something of him, in trust and because of the importance he had for her, and he reacted like this? Childish, puerile even. Seemingly not caring, seemingly not wanting to do this small token for her. He'd made clear just seconds ago that she did not mean as much to him as she had thought, but could she mean that little? She had, with her physical language, close to begged him to understand, but it seemed he did not want to. The female lifted her head again, slightly indignant, but he wouldn't be able to see it. When kind asking did not work, she obviously had to do differently to make him understand. Her ears perked as she spoke, and her stature was proud, strong. Greatly different from what it had been only seconds ago. The meaning would be clear enough. I am asking this of you because I worry for you. Because I love you. There was never a question whether I trust you, or whether I believe everything I hear from persons that know half stories. I heard enough to start worrying for you, not the others. I barely know the others. So why can't you just promise me? Why is that so hard? Perhaps she was acting angrier than she had reason to be, but he didn't seem to want to make the promise, and it only added weight to her heart. Perhaps because there was something wrong with him..? Perhaps because he actually intended to harm them all.. She would find out eventually.

She looked at him. What a child he could be. What was his problem anyhow, wasn't he the one who had been so joyful at their reunion when he arrived? Right now she felt as if she had lost that brother. She had lost his affection and goodwill, and she had no idea how to get it back. But the way he behaved right now made her wonder whether she wanted it back at all. What a brat'ish way to behave, as if she had scolded him for playing with his food! As if she had stepped out of line and behaved like a mother to a child that is grown and could take care of himself. No, she hadn't behaved like that, she had begged him to understand. It had not been attempted manipulation, but if he did not want to realize to what extent she wanted him to understand, then so be it. Again he proved his extreme defiance. It seemed as if he would act the opposite of what people wanted him to, just because. Because he could. And now he was so cold. Had she disappointed him? Perhaps, but now she might never know. Fine. Refuse to understand. She turned her body but kept her eyes glued to his face, making sure he understood exactly what she felt for him that moment. He was in his own world, that's for sure. Perhaps he did not want to be here, but sometimes one didn't have a choice. He obviously could not handle confrontation. So now that his sister knew some juicier details and wasn't all blond and happy and innocent, she wasn't worth the time anymore. It's easy to throw away people who are hard to manipulate, and turn to those who are easier to change. I'll remember that promise. And perhaps you will remember that I am your flesh and blood. And the meaning of that. Her tail was rigid and erect with agitation as she walked away, but her head was not held high. She wasn't proud, and she wasn't making a dramatic exit. She had made her point and she would leave him alone as he so desperately wanted her to. She was obviously not wanted.