[AW] I'm Broken, Looking Up To See The Enemy

Harvey Butler · 29 January 2015, 11:36 PM

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418 words →Angst angst angst. At the training grounds.

This was something that he needed.
He was tired of feeling weak and weary, kept up constantly as memories haunted his dreams. The shepherd was beginning to feel exhausted beyond what felt comfortable, capable even, and he needed an outlet.

It had been long since he'd seen the blood on his hands, but the visions still plagued the merle male. An unknown mongrel had fallen by the Butler sire's hand in order to lead his friend and himself back to safety, retreating from the scene after the warmth began seeping from the poor mutt.
It was justified, but quick. No matter the time he put into attempting to convince himself that his actions were done with the best of intentions, the Briton could never be sure.
He'd blanked before realizing not soon after his involvement in the fight, he'd stabbed the stranger. Who was to say the same behavior wouldn't be seen again?

Ever since that day in the woods, his nightmares had intensified. He'd find himself losing his concentration periodically, returning with no recollection of actions performed seconds before. The Londoner had tried various methods of keeping himself calm, but it was only a momentary fix.
Before, when he'd first arrived to Nova Scotia, the Squire practiced breathing in seclusion, forcing himself away from others so there was no chance of harming them. This called for more than that.

He was out without his coat today, kept warm enough with his lengthy pelt. The shepherd's hair was brushed back, though rogue strands teased over his eyes as he moved about.
Bandages of cloth were tied around his hands, but they seemed to do little good; his hands proved to be beaten rough. Despite this, Harvey took another swing at the cross dummy before him, wincing in pain at the impact.

It may have seemed foolish, sparring with an inanimate mess of wood, but it was an object he couldn't possibly feel regretful over for hitting repeatedly.
And it wasn't all without its benefits; the last punch was sloppy, and the fighter had nearly lost his footing. He'd ended up causing too much trouble on his wrist as he focused on staying up. But it was an outlet for his frustration, and the pain made him feel like he still had some sort of control over what he felt. Feeling his heart thump widely as his blood raced and hearing his breath go ragged were added bonuses.
The Butler male would learn from these mistakes and try again.

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William Pendragon · 30 January 2015, 06:03 PM

The world was one filled with pain and anguish. Angst was sure to come but while some feel the thrashing of waves on their face as the struggle to avoiding sinking like those forever lost to the cold waters Will was one who swam against the current always aiming for a goal. The secret to surviving a mistake was to justify what you believe is unjustifiable. His age showing slightly but it was mostly stress that claimed a small portion of his youth. Oh yes tailors are stressed to provide seasonal clothing with speed. He had been teaching Amelia and he had been even attempting at conceiving a new child. Although Gregory was a big boy now and saw papa regularly Will missed raising a child.

No matter he'd always visit him and care for the boy until he fell by the hands of the lord above. Will had his pea coat on and an elegant silver scarf. His rapier down by his side. As the man began to undress to prepare for combat he could smell the man he had seen more intensely. It was his brother of the Isles. Will felt the smile of a time forgotten tug at his lips. Although something discomforted the Brit. He saw that the man was troubled. He took a deep breath before raising his fists towards the wooden target beside the one the man had wailing. Will looked over at Harv with a worried but caring glaze. "Ello Harv I missed my brother of the Isles." Will took a few strikes at the wood showing the bull mastiff strength that was passed down from generations of Pendragons finest.

Will was no hand combat man he had a love for the rapier and crossbow more than anything but this was an easy way for him to talk with Harv. "What's wrong lad you look a bit off today."

Harvey Butler · 30 January 2015, 10:28 PM

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321 words →Eeee! :D Thank you for joining!

A familiar scent brought him to a standstill, pausing in his actions as he processed which new presence was in his company. It didn't take long before a brief smile tugged at his lips, and he finished the motion of striking the wood once more.

He'd waited until William had neared him to discontinue his current stance, letting his tired arms fall to his sides and allowing himself time to catch his breath. A break certainly couldn't hurt.
"Seigneur William. Always a pleasure." The Briton acknowledged, breathy as his execution of the greeting was. "I've missed you as well, mate. It's been far too long wifout seein' ya, considerin' we're both Courtiers." But he'd gotten busy. Though he was unaware of what the Pendragon male was dealt during their absence from one another, events coming up was an understandable excuse for them both.

Harvey scoffed, muttering something that sounded like show-off before running a hand through his hair again. Despite his sunken attitude and the disheveled appearance driven by rigorous attacking of a harmless cross dummy, the Squire preferred to appear presentable. It was part of his British charm.
A heavy sigh left the shepherd after being questioned. "Mate, I could only wish it was only today. I've been quite off for some time." He frowned, shaking his head as he looked down for only a moment. It wasn't polite to keep eye contact away for too long.
"It's nofink to worry yerself oveh, mate." Harvey dismissed further talk, fearing bringing up the actual subject behind his troubles would lead to exposing his past. "Tell me, 'ow 'ave ya been? Last we spoke, ya mentioned somefink of a kid, yeh?"
That much he remembered. If William was anything like himself, he'd have much to say about his new position as a father. The Butler was genuinely interested, as a parent himself, and it was far more welcoming a topic.
He hoped.

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William Pendragon · 19 February 2015, 12:10 AM

William remembered the fellow as breath taking in many aspects. Earning respect fairly easily. He had wished for a less formal greeting but it felt nice to hear his title placed upon himself. It was an honorable thing that no one could take away from him. He was a tailor and would never allow his products to fail in quality.

The fact Harv missed him warmed the Brit's heart like the sun. Will nodded taking note of the same thing finally feeling the weight of what he had achieved since he came here being pushed onto his shoulders. I t was a weight he loved and could not get enough of. Responsibility always made a Pendragon stronger, faster, and sharper for any future endeavors. His son seemed to prosper in the same environment. That was a good thing as he hoped his ex-lover and current close friend was not too much hassle on young Gregory. She was a handful even in one night but he trusted her as a mother to provide for the child and tutor him in what he needed to know.

The fact that Gregory's Uncle Harv was not well caused an internal tear of discontent to cross the heart of Will. From the way he handled the question it appeared he wasn't keen on continuing the train of thought. Not many things shame a man so horribly but Will guessed each had their share of skeletons. Amelia didn't talk about her days as a sex slave and Will didn't talk about the days when he was the personal servant to the king. Each was a horrible experience but since the paths led them here they could never change what happened. Though the question of his child brought up a grin from the Brit.

"Young Gregory, is a beautiful boy he has his mother's coat but my markings and one eye from each of us, I wish the birth was a private one between her and I but her current lover was there and it can't be helped, her brother delivered the children," He frowned coughing uncomfortably feeling a few tears escape his eyes. " Many of them were dead at birth but Gregory was my strong little man and he survived his mother, Amelia and I love him very much every time she brings him here Amelia treats him as her own." Will smiled with tears still fresh wiping them off. " He recognizes me as his father, I got worried he'd call another man daddy in fact it would break my heart to hear it but no he's my strong little man." Will was a sensitive father and hoped his friend could respect the tears of a father since he too was one.

Harvey Butler · 20 February 2015, 10:06 PM

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418 words →aw, William! ;U;

If it had been any other time, the Briton would have eagerly embraced his fellow Englishdog and cheerily welcome his company.
But while William's presence was definitely appreciated (as it was always), the merle male felt it better to keep his distance; he wouldn't considering himself particularly dangerous, especially to somebody who he was sure could hold his own, such as the Pendragon, but there was a level of dignity he wished to retain.
He'd already done something unforgivable as a result of an attempted comforting touch (striking his own beloved mate, no less), and did not wish to do the same should his friend merely trigger his anxiety.

Harvey was internally grateful that his packmate hadn't pressured him into explaining the reason behind his discomfort; he didn't show it, but there was a swelling of appreciation for the tailor and his respect for the Squire's needs.

"Gregory..." The Butler sire repeated, smiling softly afterward. It was a good name, and it felt like an honour to hear it.
His smile had disappeared completely, though, when he witnessed his dear friend's expression.

He'd experienced that same grief before, losing four of his precious pups during their second litter. Aoves had begged him to bury them safely and to bless the ground (despite the Londoner considering himself agnostic) they rested in.
It was a pain that never seemed to go away. It would fade in and out occasionally, especially when he was busying himself in the company of his playful pups or attempting to get a night's sleep, but it never went away.

He then decided that at the moment, his petty issues were drastically outweighed by the other male's sorrowful loss.
Pushing his problems aside, the Butler opened his arms, offering his embrace.

Harvey sighed heavily in sympathy, able to relate far better than he'd ever like to. "I know it means li'le, mate, but I am so very sorry to 'ear of your loss." There was a sinking feeling, and he had to regain his composure so that he was not crying as well.
The warrior wanted to be strong for this fellow that deserved it.

"I'm glad to 'ear 'bout your boy, Will. 'E sounds like a fine young bloke, 'e does." The shepherd nodded, completely genuine in his claims. "A lucky one, too, to 'ave a faveh that cares so much." That much was obvious, and something Harvey found himself understanding as well. "You're doin' great, Will."

Sometimes, a little reassuring went a long way.

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William Pendragon · 20 March 2015, 03:42 PM

Sometimes he felt a strong fear for what he could become. His father neglected him and his mother rarely saw eye to eye with the boy. Will knew that it was the pressure of the Leader's scaring his family. Either way the impact it had changed Will. He didn't want his son to consider him a neglectful man. Nor could he live it down if Cat found him a poor father and Amelia finding him a poor mate. These things would never happen. Will would do his best to be the best. He would not allow the horrors of the past dictate his future. Now then he was proud to hear such administration from his dear friend. He felt safe around Harv and hearing the other compliment Gregory made his heart skip a beat. But of course his heart dropped hearing the others pain in loss. A father's pain is great. All one can hope is the joy outweighs the despair.

"Thank you my dear friend I always loved hearing your nuggets of genuine grace." Will grinned and moved to wrap up the other in a hug to show how he felt. "I would love for you to meet him Harv." Will wished his warmth could break through the cloud of despair that hung in his friend. Perhaps it'd be best to let him work it out on his own. Or maybe that would be worse. William was very unsure of the situation and had wished he could swim about in another's consciousness like a specter. The curse of the mortal mind and body could be as blunt as a bull's thigh in times such as this. Perhaps a nice spar or communal bath could allow Will further passage into the soul that is Harv. The storm that raged in the Brit's mind was fierce. On one hand he wished to dig out the skeleton on the other he feared such a thing would hurt their friendship.

Whatever it was Will wanted to know but he could not pressure anyone to expose their heartaches. Perhaps an offer could ease him into it. "You know if you need to talk or anything just say so." His award winning smile continued to flash as he teasingly jostled the man before chuckling with. He was here for his friend.

Harvey Butler · 24 March 2015, 09:30 PM

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000 words →--

When he'd left him home that morning, it was with a heavy heart and an occupied mind. It was no secret that the relationship between the shepherd and his mate was stressed, ignited by the loss of most of their second litter. Since then, the two had grown distant. There was love, of course, and he still made it known to her how he felt as he wished her a goodnight and treated her to embraces after a time of separation, but they talked less.
Harvey knew she was blaming it on herself, and he doubted any male could feel what she was suffering through.
Though she was not entirely to fault for their struggle; ever since the Squire had killed the threatening thief outside of the Court, images of the past haunted his dreams. He woke near constantly in panic, and had a hard time focusing on any one thing in particular. Some days were better than others (this being one, thankfully), but he feared for what anger would arise from the tension.

Hearing now that his words were appreciated was a joy.
Ever since he'd arrived in Nova Scotia, the Butler sire attempted to focus his actions on helping others. He climbed up the military ranks, now eager to guard and protect his fellow Courtiers. He was a father of five, each special and beloved to the dog (despite the occasional backtalk and attitude he received from a certain pair). Troubles aside, he cared for Aoves deeply and wanted nothing but the best for the French wolfdog. This new life was based around the love and support of others.
And William was no different.

He considered the Briton his friend, and no less important than any other loved ones he held close. It was truly wonderful to know that he could be trusted by the bloke, and that he could confide in the Pendragon male if that was a necessity.

The warrior smiled brightly, through ragged breaths brought up from rough sparring. "I'd fancy mee'in' 'im, mate." Harvey said with a nod, honoured to be invited the chance to meet William's son.
"...I know mate. Thank you." He smiled again, though not nearly enough to show how grately appreciative he actually was.

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