[M] Open Letters
Having a really hard time connecting and feeling a part of things at the moment. I know its my depression and a mix of my own social phobia causing it but like... It's really hard for me to not feel invisible these days even though I know it's not intentional on anyone's part or really even something they're aware I'm feeling. I'm trying not to seem attention seeking so I apologize if I come off that way. I'm doing my best.
*screams into the void*

please just let me go places

I know it's a dumb thing to be stressing about when people have literally suffered hell on earth but like

my brain needs this
It's absolutely discouraging when every time I make dinner, one of you have to make a fucking smart remark. Dad: "Neither of us liked it." Deb: "Well ______ would have been better with it."

Instead of asking me what I'm making with something and then agreeing with me only to make the kinds of remarks you do after I've put time and effort into something, get up and make it the way you want it if you're going to be petty and negative toward me. I'm not in the mental state to deal with that sort of thing right now. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been having constant night terrors and just regular bad PTSD dreams. I've been second guessing myself for ages and it feels like nothing I'm doing is right.
tfw you try to achieve just the barest semblance of executive function after Everything:

i can do nothing else except keep trying and that's life, babee
Asshole guy,

If your dog is aggressive and will actively go after other dogs, DON'T WALK IT OFF FUCKING LEASH. And ESPECIALLY don't walk it off-leash during hours when people are out.

Your fucking dog has gone out of its way to attack my nice dog TWICE now. You'd better be fucking glad that your bitch of a dog has gone after my female and not my male, because I can guarantee you that he'd put a fucking hole in your dog if she'd gone after him. You'd better be fucking grateful that my dogs respect me and listen to me when shit hits the fan and that I was able to maintain control over my male, because, otherwise, it would have been a dogfight, and my two large dogs probably would have messed up your asshole one very badly.

Don't fucking WALK over to me when I'm telling at your dog to back the fuck off. Don't just PASSIVELY "recall" your dog, who is NOT listening to you. Don't act all "Oh, I'm sorry" when this has happened TWICE now, and I keep seeing you walk that fucking dog off-leash since BOTH of those incidents.

The next time it happens, I'm calling the apartment complex to tell them that you have an aggressive dog that you're walking off-leash against our complex's (and city's) policies re: dog walking. The next time your dog tries to make a fucking go at my female and your ass is 30+ feet away from your off-leash aggressive dog, I'm kicking the shit out of it, consequences be damned. I don't fucking care. I'm sick of this shit and your very obvious lack of care of how much danger you put not only other people and other dogs, but your OWN dog by letting her walk off-leash and being as aggressive as she is and NON-REACTIVE as she is to your recall.

Cheyenne, baby girl, I'm sorry this bitch of a dog keeps coming after you. Thank you for being as mellow as you are and being non-reactive despite her having come at your face multiple times now.

Bandit, buddy, I can't say how proud I am of you and proving time and time again how well-trained you are. You posted up, and put yourself between me and the dog, but you never barked, never lunged, never bared your teeth once so long as that dog kept that minimum distance. I know what you're capable of, and I know you will lay down the fucking law once they cross that line with you. Thank you for being such a good doggo.
*trigger warnings?*

Dear ____;

I seriously cannot stand the amount of shit you put me through, and make me feel like it’s MY fault. I drive kids to and from doctors appointments, deal with the kid going through 9 fucking surgeries, and then have you up my ass about: “oh I didn’t like that” or “you’re not feeding me” or “why can’t you do it this way instead of the way you do it?”

Fuck YOU. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am and make this WORK and now— now you wanna act like you’re entitled?

I asked for forty fucking dollars from you— even if it was a hundred!!! You would STILL say no. And you refuse to watch OUR children whenever I want to work, making it so I would have to get a babysitter. They’re 400$ a WEEK for both kids to attend it.... if I made 10$ at a job working 40 hours a week (that’s ONLY 400$ WITHOUT taxes taken out)

I’m sick and tired of feeling defeated, depressed and upset because it doesn’t go YOUR way. Guess what fuck head, it isn’t always YOUR way. The world doesn’t revolve around you. And yet, here I am catering to your needs and the needs of our children while you stay on your phone because; “I am doing work shit” LITERALLY 15 hours a day you’re on your fucking phone.

I don’t hate you, but right now— I don’t even like you.

I wish you weren’t this way, and now I have nothing except a vehicle because I TRUSTED you. And my son is going through all these surgeries, and the one day you did watch them for me you didn’t even feed them. You tried but lord knows....

//end rant....

Sorry y’all, I just needed to scream :(



My sweet, sweet cousin. I miss you everyday and I can’t stand not being able to see you again. My daughter looks just like you.... one day I will see you again, but it’s so hard. Why did you leave me? Why did this happen to us? It isn’t fair, and my emotions are getting the best of me, and I truly wish your family (your dads side) liked me... I want to get to know them, to be there for them— but they have all blocked me and blamed me for your death.

Sometimes, I blame myself for your death too....

I love you, to the moon and back times infinity and way beyond.... I miss you. I wish I could tell you I loved you one last time....
Someone fucking end me, please. I can't take this shit anymore.
Hey guys. So, it turns out that the epilepsy that I thought that I had (temporal lobe epilepsy) isn't actually the epilepsy that I have. I'm fairly sure that I actually have parietal lobe epilepsy, which is alarming. Worse, my doctors and I are concerned that I might have a brain tumor, not necessarily because there's any proof that I have one, but because that's the most common cause of parietal lobe epilepsy, which is super rare already, and having parietal lobe seizures with seemingly no cause is even rarer. So guess who is getting an MRI in a couple weeks?

Anyway, if I'm not seeming quite like myself and if I'm not posting as much, it's because emotions are running high here (also I got diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome day before yesterday? And my mom refuses to talk about medical things with me anymore because it "always" ends up turning into a fight, which is unfair and untrue). I've still got a whole lot of muse and don't plan at all to back off or anything, but I figured I should let folks know why I might drop the ball suddenly on promised starters or be slower than usual. It's just because I'm pretty stressed and I might feel fine one moment and then by the time I get to the point where I can post, I'm spiraling, stressing about potential brain tumor and the weird mood at home.

Also it's my birthday tomorrow! Apparently I'm turning 20. Fuck me.
Having another bad mental day and there's nothing I can do about it or anyone I can talk to about it without seeming like I'm bitching about something. I really hate that I feel like I'm complaining in my situation but something's gotta give and it's not happening around here. I'm tired of feeling alone.
PSA to all pet guardians out there,

Please, please, please be patient with our veterinarians, veterinary nurses/techs, VTAs, and support staff. With the significant and sudden increase in pet ownership and the decline in veterinary staff, times are incredibly challenging for everyone and we're all trying to navigate this crisis together. I know that being unable to schedule an appointment for weeks, and sometimes months, out is frustrating, and I know that its confusing and scary when you have an urgent concern with your pet but every clinic in your area is at capacity or closed, but please do not take your anger, fear, frustration, and/or resentment out on us. We are trying very, very hard to help everyone who needs help, but we can only do so much.

Be proactive. Keep your pets safe and monitor them closely in order to avoid preventable emergencies. Schedule appointments well in advance of when you need them. And, above all, please be patient with us and understand that we're genuinely doing our best.

Thank you,
Veterinary staff everywhere
[Image: autumnsig.png]
player wiki current characters available adoptables Credits: Picture taken by me

thanks for coming to my TED Talk
I miss when I felt happy while I was drawing. I may not have produced the best art, but it was my art and I actually PRODUCED it. Now, I can barely finish a sketch let alone fully render anything. I just get frustrated, depressed, and angry every time I try to draw. I don't know how to fix it. It feels like it's been going on for almost a year now. I don't know what to do other than just give up.
I'm trying really hard to not let the crash get to me but everything feels either numb or so far away that I don't feel like reaching. I've spent the better half of the last couple of days trying to pull myself together. I've done more around the house, more in the bedroom, more in general than I normally do so I know that my in-laws are curious about what's going on. I'm just not my usual self.

To make things worse, the feelings of self-doubt are back. It's just not going well for me right now.

I'm sorry to everyone this is effecting. I don't mean to be the 'downer' or anything. I usually try and cover this sort of thing when I'm going through it with friendliness. Part of that is just in my character. I don't know how to communicate what I'm going through very well at the moment so please be patient with me.
Regsweatdrop Regsad Regcry
I was going to rant here or at least try and clear my head of thoughts but I lost motivation.

this is a lesson to never get drunk again

except i am absolutely going to get drunk again and will have to go through these same mental gymnastics and feel like a bitch

I feel like I'm spiraling and that I might just disappear

Forum Jump: