[P] in the fog of war we saw the whites of their eyes
[p. Skoll]
#1
[html]
We’re the only ones who know

Memory was starting to feel like a fleeting bird. He had noticed that after his incarceration, certain details were slowly starting to slip out of his mind as though more and more holes were being poked in a water balloon. At first the spillage was minimal, leaving him more distracted than normal. It had not even been two months since then, and the memories were fading away faster than he thought possible. Was it normal? It frustrated him that he could feel it fading but that he could do nothing to ease it.

That day, he had gone to the stables to care for Heritage, but realized upon arriving realized that the horse was out with his eldest daughter as he had given the horse to her as a gift. He had furrowed his brow at the empty stall and scratched at his chin. He had not seen the stallion in pasture for the snow that covered the earth meant most of the mounts were warm in the stables.

Silvano wandered back to the Hotel, struggling to remember the moment he had given the horse to his daughter, though he knew he had. His scar ached as he rubbed it, grumbling as he entered the room he shared with Shiloh. Her smell was faint, which surprised him a moment. His brows tightened together once again, more tightly than before. Something was off. She was not there and it smelled like she had not been there in a while.

Turning around, he figured, why not find Skoll? He was usually up to entertain him, or at least amuse him. Right? Maybe they’d stumble across Shiloh doing something at the training yard.

He found the man, waved, and called out, ”Skoll, have you seen Shiloh?” he asked pleasantly enough, as though the love of his life did not cover the earth with her ashes.

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[html]<div class="silvsig2">
  <div class="title">SILVANO SADIRA</div>
<span style="font-family:'Amatic SC', serif;">Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.</span><br>
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#2
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this is NOT OKAY GEN


Many tragedies befell the Court in its long history, but every time life went on.

Skoll had witnessed this time and time again, and yet it always seemed to surreal to him, to see life going on -- new people coming and going, projects springing up, relationships forming in the wake of loss. He'd seen a King die and a Queen lost at sea, seen war and a burnt forest, seen heavy rains and hurricanes and the very ocean rising up in revolt.

And yet it went on, because there was no alternative. The flowers would bloom, even without Shiloh to wear them in her golden hair.

Dreyma had pointed out the little buds he hadn't noticed yet, though the danger of frost lingered even into March. He would be glad for true warmth, even though he was made for great winter hunts and naps under the snow. A prince raised on a seaside kingdom was attracted to the sunlight much like a flower was.

He turned to face it now, smiling, his eye shut -- until a voice called to him. When his eye opened up wide the sun blinded him, and cursing he rubbed at his face while spots danced in his vision, spinning around to face Silvano.

What-- Skoll started first, but then he saw Silvano's face and blanched.

His suspicion of a cruel joke faded with the splotches of darkness in his vision. He stared at his friend, mouth opening and closing without a sound. He remembered the slow, lost look on the man's face at the training yard and wondered -- did he not remember?

Silvano, Shiloh is --

He stopped himself. He considered the consequences of truth.

C'mere, buddy, he said instead, striding toward the Ancien and reaching to grab at his arm. Rarely was Skoll affectionate or concerned like this, and that might have tipped Silvano off that something was wrong, something was different, but he made himself sound bright as he fell into step with the man. I thought she was on patrol.

His fingers tapped nervously on Silvano's forearm. He forced one of his cheesy, arrogant grins and raised his brows.

I know I'm not as pretty as she is but will I do for company?




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[html]<center><img src="http://soulsrpg.com/images/icons/cdm.gif"/><br/><span style="font-size: 14px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: 1px; text-shadow: #ffffff 0px 1px 0;" class="cdm"><span style="color:#daa520;">TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN</span><br/><span style="color:#7a5f48;">THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN</span><br/><span style="color:#191970;">SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN</span></span></center>[/html]
#3
[html]
We’re the only ones who know

Silvano was struggling to remember where Shiloh was, though he could not really understand why it was happening. He did not know any of his family to have memory problems, so he could not figure out where it came from, or if he was just losing his mind.

Skoll, now, Skoll was hard to forget. But Silvano leaned in expectantly as the man said his wife’s name, but then suddenly lurched forward, leading him by the arm. He would have not expected any of that. Skoll would not have taken his arm like that, first of all, nor would he have ever been so cheery for anything other than being incredibly sarcastic. There was no sarcasm in his voice, so that alarmed the former King so much more.

He wrenched his arm free of his tapping grasp, and stopped, staring openly at the golden man. He stared at the empty eye socket and then looked about, feeling lost and confused. He hated the sensation, the feeling that his thoughts were slipping from his grasp.

”You’re not telling me something. You’re too.. happy. You’re never happy, Skoll.” He never called Silvano, buddy, never seemed bubbly. It was Skoll, and this was a Skoll that was definitely acting out of the ordinary. Then he stopped staring. His gaze shifted to the ground as his brows furrowed, screwed up in thought.

Shiloh, this was about her. He had been stupefied, like it was an unreasonable question to ask? Why? She was around. Wait. She was, right? She was around, wasn’t she? His eyes roamed as his brain clicked back into place and his eyes widened, looking up horrified at Skoll.

”Oh, no, Shiloh, no… that’s right. No..,” he said, stuttering, feeling a cold sensation overcome his chest, spreading like frost. ”I forgot.. How could I forget?” he asked the still air, hand pressed to his chest scar, rubbing it in a half-panic.

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[html]<div class="silvsig2">
  <div class="title">SILVANO SADIRA</div>
<span style="font-family:'Amatic SC', serif;">Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.</span><br>
<a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/cdmadopt.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><a href="https://cdm.soulsrpg.com/"><img src="http://i.imgur.com/TBrx5.png"></a><a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/smallrotate.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><br>
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#4
[html]



The Ancien called him out on his behavior, jerking his arm free of Skoll's touch and glancing around in confusion -- as if the world was wreathed in a fog that muffled the sights and sounds around them. Skoll watched the little dart of emerald eyes as his mind ticked, the compromised gears turning, and looked down at his feet as horrible realization dawned.

Silvano pressed a hand to his scarred chest and stammered to himself, and Skoll whined. He couldn't help himself; he whined, and came closer to his friend, reaching for him again for a more bracing touch.

I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry, Skoll murmured. I should've just said, I just didn't want to see you remember if... He reached up and pinched the soft tan bridge of his nose, near between his eyes, and sighed. Clearly that hadn't spared Silvano the awful realization of what had happened -- and that he had forgotten it.

The Seneschal swallowed. How long have you... been forgetting things? he asked, and realized that was probably a really fucking dumb question.




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[html]<center><img src="http://soulsrpg.com/images/icons/cdm.gif"/><br/><span style="font-size: 14px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: 1px; text-shadow: #ffffff 0px 1px 0;" class="cdm"><span style="color:#daa520;">TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN</span><br/><span style="color:#7a5f48;">THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN</span><br/><span style="color:#191970;">SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN</span></span></center>[/html]
#5
[html]
We’re the only ones who know

It was the whine that told him just how wrong everything was. Skoll did not whine, he did not make such noises. It was undeniable that something was very, very wrong with the world. Silvano shut his eyes to that fact, as though closing those lids would somehow stop the truth from filtering to an enfeebling mind.

Skoll apologized. It was all so different, all of a sudden. The dynamic was shifted, though the former King realized it was mostly because the Seneschal was no longer required to pay him any sort of respect beyond for his age, which was not too much greater than the dog hybrid’s own years. Skoll was actually a friend, it seemed, in the end of days. That was what it was, wasn’t it? The end of days?

At least, his days.

Silvano blinked at the wolfdog, staring at his one remaining eye as though there might be some actual answer for him in that emerald gaze. ”I.. I don’t know. Maybe since Mistral locked me up and..,” he faltered, raising his missing hand, which was still wrapped up since that day. It had been healing slowly, but was at least a raw pink instead of a gaping sore, which would have been a grotesque thing to wake up to day in and day out.

”Do.. do you think something is wrong with me?” he asked, almost piteously, as though he were a child and not a grown, borderline elderly, man of nearly eight years. Forgetting Shiloh’s death was certainly something big to forget. One could not just say it slipped their mind that their wife was dead and buried.

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[html]<div class="silvsig2">
  <div class="title">SILVANO SADIRA</div>
<span style="font-family:'Amatic SC', serif;">Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.</span><br>
<a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/cdmadopt.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><a href="https://cdm.soulsrpg.com/"><img src="http://i.imgur.com/TBrx5.png"></a><a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/smallrotate.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><br>
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#6
Skoll averted his eye uncomfortably as Silvano raised the stump of his hand. He didn't like to see it, didn't like the reminder of all that had happened -- the proof that Mistral had won battles if not the war, that his friend had been hurt. He struggled to ignore the disfigurement, which probably wasn't the right thing to do, but Skoll had never been good at these things.

He tried in some sense, though. He tried for Silvano, he tried for Shiloh and their children's sake too.

The question posed to him made him hesitate, but the tone made him frown and look miserably back at the man he respected. It was obvious he could not soothe and baby him; that was unfair to Silvano and obviously discomforted him. He could only be direct, honest.

It was hard, when he didn't have any of the answers.

"I don't know. I think -- well, it hit you hard. You lost a lot in a short time. Things get fuzzy when you go through something like that." Skoll sighed and tried to look at the man kindly. "You know I'll help you the best I can. We'll adapt to it. I just need to know what you want. What the right thing to do is."

He was rambling. It wasn't the right thing to say, even -- was it? A bunch of empty, repeated promises?

"Maybe it's like a muscle," Skoll said. "You need to... to work it. Your memory, your mind. Unless it's too painful to dwell on."
[html]<center><img src="http://soulsrpg.com/images/icons/cdm.gif"/><br/><span style="font-size: 14px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: 1px; text-shadow: #ffffff 0px 1px 0;" class="cdm"><span style="color:#daa520;">TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN</span><br/><span style="color:#7a5f48;">THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN</span><br/><span style="color:#191970;">SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN</span></span></center>[/html]
#7
[html]
We’re the only ones who know

Skoll did his best to comfort, and that alarmed the former King so much. It was a truly bad sign if the usually brash and volatile man was doing his best to console, though Silvano admitted it was nice to know that he had such a friend left to him. His transgressions had been great but he was afraid of what could be if he did not even have a single companion left to comfort him in the deterioration of his life at the end of everything. He could not go at it alone.

"I don't know, that's a big thing to forget..," he said softly, his brows furrowing as his grasp on the memory of his wife's death seemed faded at the edges, as though it were a photograph that was bleached by the sun or eaten by moths. It was just within the reach of his mind, but it was almost just too far, even as he struggled. He could remember her face clear as day but it was not a face streaked with grey, he realized in shock. He pushed to remember how she looked before she died, for even the mutilated image of her death was absent from his memories.

"I think.. I don't think it's coming back, Skoll. I think I'm forgetting," he admitted in horror, looking up at the man with true fear in his eyes. He had not realized how fuzzy things had been until he lost something important. What else was lost? What else was disappearing? "Skoll, you can't tell them, you can't tell my children," he added in a panic, reaching out to grasp at the golden man with hands that were like iron. "I can't guilt them into forgiving me, not like this." Besides, they would know soon enough.

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[html]<div class="silvsig2">
  <div class="title">SILVANO SADIRA</div>
<span style="font-family:'Amatic SC', serif;">Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.</span><br>
<a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/cdmadopt.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><a href="https://cdm.soulsrpg.com/"><img src="http://i.imgur.com/TBrx5.png"></a><a href="http://wiki.soulsrpg.com/index.php?n=Packs.CDMAdoptables"><img src="http://cdm.soulsrpg.com/public/adopts/smallrotate.png" title="Adopt in CdM"></a><br>
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#8
The King who led them so long looked up with terror in his eyes, and it was all Skoll could do not to feel like a lost pup. He frowned, and let the other grasp at his hands, glad to serve as a physical anchor if nothing else. He was remembered, which made him wonder just how far back the memory loss went. Silvano could function like this, couldn’t he, as long as he didn’t think himself a pup back in Crimson Dreams?

But a life in which he was reminded every day of the death of his wife – what kind of life was that?

He squeezed back with his hands. “I won’t tell them, but they will figure it out,” he said. “It would be best to tell them yourself while you’re lucid, to prepare them for it if nothing else.” He had no answer for the Ancien’s worries, only to say: “They wouldn’t think that. They wouldn’t think you were guilting them.” They were a good group of children – and they would feel this loss terribly after the death of their mother.

There were no right answers, but Skoll felt in the pit of his heart that this was the beginning of the end.
[html]<center><img src="http://soulsrpg.com/images/icons/cdm.gif"/><br/><span style="font-size: 14px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: 1px; text-shadow: #ffffff 0px 1px 0;" class="cdm"><span style="color:#daa520;">TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN</span><br/><span style="color:#7a5f48;">THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN</span><br/><span style="color:#191970;">SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN</span></span></center>[/html]
#9
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We’re the only ones who know

"I.. I'll think about it," said the former king softly as could be, his grip on the sun prince releasing slowly. His joints ached and his head was struggling again, he could feel the loom of the fog. There was no way to shake off the impending coming of forgetting, he could feel it. A shiver ran down his spine as he wondered how his children would feel about it, but at least Skoll had promised not to say a thing about it, yet.

"I would rather they not have to face.. whatever this is yet," he added as he gestured to his head dismally. The world was so unkind, for it seemed that once he had been as high as could be but lost his place in the sunshine. He knew he deserved at least some of that suffering, but he wished for all the world that he had not had to forsake his state of mind. He did not want to forget and he did not want his children to watch him forget. That seemed the worst kind of betrayal.

"How about you tell me about Lee? How's she doing?" It was a pale attempt at changing the subject, for his voice was relatively flat. His mind was overly active in figuring out what on earth else he had forgotten.

we can wrap up with my post <3 feel free to archive at your leisure.

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[html]<div class="silvsig2">
  <div class="title">SILVANO SADIRA</div>
<span style="font-family:'Amatic SC', serif;">Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.</span><br>
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  <br><span style="font-size:12px;opacity:.7;">avatar by <a href="memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=3823">Lin</a></span>
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