[RO] The story of my life
2021 - Suhra' Almanzil
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Avinalora sat in her study. It was winter but she only knew it from the scholars. The lands of Suhra' Almanzil were locked by desert and she realized she was beginning to miss winter. How ironic considering since winter used to be hell for her, being a woman with desert blood. She hadn't thought of Nova Scotia in a while but she realized she was reaching her seventh year. She lived as long as she would have imagined but her life didn't turn out the way it would have. She never thought she would have left Nova Scotia but here, the Phoenix woman found herself a long way from where she started.

The desert doctor's scars were still there and some days her leg hurt more than it used to. Her sight was starting to go as well. Her sight was barely what it had been when she first entered the land with Jarix. Oh, she hadn't thought of her adopted brother in a while. She wondered how he was and if he was okay. She remembered Midnight Shores with a pang to her chest, though the wound had long since healed and the scar was faded. It was her first pack in the land and perhaps her first heatbreak. She met her sister there, and she wondered how her sister was. Was she still in Nova Scotia?

Thinking of her sister reminded the grey jackal of Anathema, the second pack that the jackal women joined after the fall of Midnight Shores. Sometimes, she wondered if she could have done more to keep the island pack from falling. But after years, she realized there was nothing she could have done to stop it. The leaders disappeared and she searched all she could. The pack fell and she couldn't blame herself for she had done nothing wrong. She came to peace but she knew that the fall of the Shores had left an impact on her that shaped the silver she-jackal.

With a bittersweet thought, the scarred medic remembered her time in Anathema. She climbed the ranks, devoting herself to the pack. She became the Bathin of the pack, having worked her way up from Zepar in the span of a year. She worked tirelessly as she was a loyal and diligent woman. She believed in Anathema for it had been her everything. She became a respected council member, having gained responsibilities and titles. She gained several jobs as she found herself become a mentor as well as a leader. She didn't think she would have gotten that far but she had. Although the grey woman's time in the pack hadn't been all great.

The woman remembered the sickness that came to the pack. Not long after the woman's eye had been ripped from her skull. She continued to hold no grudge against Nyx for it. The woman had been in quite the crisis when she lashed out and the medic knew that being a doctor wasn't all healing and there were risks. Not just from pestilence but from patients too. Patients could be violent and in some cases weren't acting out of malicious intent. She realized it had just been an accident, sometimes patients lashed out and there was nothing that could be done.

However, the timing of the injury hadn't been the best. The sickness came in the spring and sometimes, the Phoenix wondered if she had been the cause. She tried not to dwell on that too much since there was no telling that the woman had a disease that could have spread. And there were other causes for the symptoms. The woman knew logically she couldn't blame everything on herself. She had done all she could to help, all things considered she had done her best to right the wrong she thought she committed. The woman worked herself to exhaustion as one of the few medics.

Until Maelyx came along.

Sometimes the woman thought back to how much of a whirlwind their romance had been. Maybe they had moved too fast in their love. What did Avinalora know about love? That was her first romance and Maelyx seemed like a perfect partner. There was no denying the attraction the women had. But Avinalora didn't know how to feet about her ex-wife's relationship with Lux. The giant wolfdog and the small jackal had once been friends. But his actions caused her to distrust him. There wasn't something right about him. But he seemed to find comfort in her wife. Well, her ex-wife.

It seemed like the jackal witch had forced her hand to accept Lux as a part of their relationship. Although the silver jackal wasn't all that fond about Lux, though she tolerated him for Maelyx's sake. Avinalora chose to find a father for her pups that wouldn't be in the picture. She knew her ex-wife could make her own decisions and it wasn't like they talked about how they would go about starting a family. She wished they talked more about that. It seemed like the women had grown apart, having met during a health crisis and how Avinalora devoted herself to her work.

Then the ghost was reminded of her children. Her daughter, Alvira; her son, Winter; and her stillborn child. They had been born in a time of peace before war. She remembered her ex-wife's children, how she should have been there for them as well. But sometimes she wondered if they saw Lux more of a secondary parent than her. She hadn't had time to bond with them and their family had been ripped apart before the children could shift. And something seemed to be holding her back as the dark-colored children seemed to be more of Maelyx and Lux's children than her children.

Anathema fell to war and the witches and the Phoenix-Nocturne-Einar family fled. Avinalora wasn't a fighter, every time she tried she was injured. And while a medic, she was no combat medic. And her children, she had children to protect. So the woman fled, becoming loners. She wondered if they should have joined a pack. Although Anathemans had a bad reputation. Perhaps she could have found a home in Sapient, Salsola, or even Casa di Cavalieri for her and her children. But the woman stuck with her mate and the Circle.

And then Maelyx and Jaketta were taken and her ex-mate returned blind. Avinalora had done all she could to keep it together when her mate was taken. And when they returned, the she-jackal had been relieved but her mate was changed.  The woman didn't think it could happen, hoping it might be an injury that would heal. She didn't believe it was some sort of spiritual matter as while she believed in gods, she clung to medicine. Avinalora thought she could support her wife, being half-blind herself. But things were crumbling, culminating in her wife leaving and taking Jaketta with her.

That was the straw that broke Avinalora. She had suffered so much lost and her wife leaving shattered the Phoenix woman. She regretted fleeing her children, leaving them in the care of her sister. But every time the woman looked at her children, she couldn't escape the memories. Alvira and Winter were the remnants of her failed marriage, fallen pack, and lost child. She had been broken so thoroughly, she sought to escape the pain. So she fled and ran until she came here. She regretted it deeply but she couldn't go back now. Even if she wanted to, she didn't think she could look her firstborns in the face.

The woman had a daughter, a beautiful girl named Siamak. And they came across the Jamieat Jakaliz in the place known as Suhra' Almanzil. It was a home for jackals and the grey woman made a life for herself. She had three other children while here, the triplets Sobek, Nemeris, and Anubis. She stopped believing in higher powers after her first wife left. Her ex-wife had chosen her faith over her family. The grey woman would have given up healing and herbs if it meant keeping her family together. Although she was a hypocrite considering her own actions.

Siamak had been raised for some time outside of Suhra' Almanzil and helped her mother learn how to conform. She had been born when the grey woman was on the path to a new start. Her daughter was intelligent and kind, she didn't conform to Suhra' Almanzil like her younger siblings had. She seemed the closest to her mother and the grey woman was proud of her second-born single child.

After years, she learned Arabic to communicate with those who lived here. She had been mono-lingual her entire life up until now and sometimes the words seemed slow on her tongue. But she worked hard to learn the language in order to make a life for herself. Many spoke common tongue although she found that she had to adapt to this land. She wasn't the biggest fan of slavery but understood that it was a way of life here and she had lived in a pack that practiced slavery. And while she was biased towards non-jackals, she didn't believe as strongly in the beliefs practiced here. She tried to impart those values on her children but they had been born and raised in the land and picked up the biases despite her efforts.

Her third brood seemed to be drawn towards darkness and gods. She loved them despite that as after some attempts, she realized they might be the last children she would ever have. She knew that her last pregnancy had taken a toll on her and she almost died during labor had it not been for the healers. She knew that Sobek had a different father, it wasn't hard for her to see he was like his sire, the wolf hybrid male she had slept with around the same time as the hybrid male. But the grey woman hadn't corrected him in thinking he was full-blood related to his siblings.

Nemeris was a lot like Maelyx with the path she had taken. The red daughter was a witch, taking to the gods that were worshiped here. The girl became a priestess and a craftswoman. She  had the aspiration of being a respected member of the Alkhana, the spiritual sect and the Phoenix woman had supported her as much as she could. She wanted her daughter to carve her own path and while she was a bit uncomfortable with her path, the mother loved her daughter. All she could do was try to guide her daughter away from the darkness. The children all had moralities in shades of grey.

Her second son, Anubis had taken after his mother in path. He became a healer, although the disconnect the boy had when dealing with patients was something the woman worried about. She tried to gently steer him away from the death god he worshiped. When naming him, she heard of the jackal god Anubis and named him so. Most of her children and family had "A" names. She didn't know he would latch onto the god of death. She knew he wanted to save his patients, although she saw how quickly he let go when he thought death was upon them.

Sobek was her largest child and the darkest of them. The boy was large and feral with a hankering for blood. She sometimes saw Lux in him, although she knew there was no possible way that those two were connected. He was violent and impulsive, working towards becoming  a respected if not feared Almuharibun. She saw his acid green eyes when he was in a frenzy. She knew her son had a bloodlust and she saw it when he was a child. She tried to guide him away from that but the boy had something to prove. He wasn't as jackal as his siblings in some eyes, she knew he was more jackal that Siamak. The boy had something to prove.

Avinalora realized that her children seemed to be versions of her had she taken darker paths. Nemeris and Anubis had her intelligence and her daughter had her mother's lying tongue. Nemeris was her had she believed in gods more strongly and became more lax with her morals. Anubis was what she could have been had she stopped caring for her patients and losing her determination. Perhaps what she could have turned out to be had she changed after the loss of her eye. Sobek had her temper, although combined with size and strength. She used her tongue, he used his claws and teeth.

Sometimes she wondered how her children would be had she bore them in Nova Scotia. Had she perhaps joined another pack and created a family there. Would her third brood be the way they were? What if she had joined Casa di Cavalieri, Salsola, Cour des Miracles, or even Sapient? Would things be the way they were? She knew that she had made her decision and must now stick with it. But sometimes, she wondered if she could have made a better decision.

She missed her firstborn brood terribly. And sometimes she wondered if she could return to Nova Scotia one day. Would her children follow her? Would the leaders of the Jamieat let her leave? Would she even survive the trip to Nova Scotia? So many questions and she had no answers. She decided to rest, for she had no desire to keep on reminiscing.

OOC→ Reminiscing
Dated to Early January, 2021

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