in the effort of becoming

POSTED: Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:39 pm

527 words

She’d nestled herself in the crook of a cave, forcing her body to go into the smallest space she could possibly squeeze herself into. There, in the absolutely loneliness and pitch black darknesses, she felt as though she could relax. The usual roar of her instincts, baying in fear, fell away to little more than quiet murmurs and chatters.

Other emotions surged forward like waves; she almost welcomed these, but she pushed them down reflexively. Stormri was so tired of feeling, as, lately, it seemed that the only things she could feel ripped her apart from the inside. No, she had to stay strong and cold. She could get by like this, she didn’t need any of that wishy-washy bullshit to become what she wanted, no, needed to be.

The large wolf’s chest expanded sharply as she took a deep breath; oxygen rushed back into her brain, and she vaguely wondered if her body had remembered to breathe for the last few minutes. The way she felt now, lightheaded and stiff, implied a momentary lapse in her body’s automatic maintenance.

Soon enough, her chest fell with her great exhale. This, for reasons unknown to the adolescent canine, caused her heartrate to spike. Momentarily panicked, she pushed all the air from her lungs with a loud and powerful exhale. Breathing was supposed to make her feel calmer, wasn’t it? Stay calm.

Stormri repeated this process, slow inhale followed by quick exhale, for a few minutes. Until, at last, her mind had cleared. The clinging tendrils of fear (along with other unsightly gunk she would love to eradicate from her very soul) relaxed their grip, and she’d sent them scurrying for the dark recesses of her mind. A skirmish won. But not forever.

Keenly aware now of just how cramped her body had been in this small alcove, the wolf suppressed the urge to whine. There was nobody here to help her, and anyone that did hear her… well, she remembered what the last Luperci gropu had done to her.

Slowly, carefully she detached herself from the rock face. Her thick fur protected her skin enough to prevent her from getting cuts and scratches, but that did nothing to help the aches in her joints from being in such an uncomfortable position for… well, she had no idea how long she stayed like that. Pushing these thoughts from her mind, so as to not spiral back into such a depressing place, she focused her mind on what she knew her next actions to be.

Because, as much as it pained her to admit it, her best option was joining rank with one of the more influential Luperci packs. Being alone was unthinkable, given her present vulnerable state, and going back home wasn’t an option, either. That only left joining a pack – of which her instincts strongly desired – even if it was composed of Luperci, especially sophisticated Luperci.

Besides… when she was but a pup, didn’t she dream of walking on two-legs with the rest of these so-called heretics? She hoped that desire still lingered inside. Because, otherwise, she didn’t know how she would survive in this terrible new world.

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