Re: [M] Questioning Self Identity

POSTED: Sat Nov 29, 2014 8:34 pm

You aren't bothering me San. I didn't think you were saying I was hating on women or anything, it is just me that I am hating on and I just happen to be a woman. Hating my body is only a smidgen of it. I was raised to hate everything about myself and that developed into body issues as I can't find a single thing that I like about myself. My therapist tells me to think of something positive about myself and tell me it every day but I can't come up with a single thing on my own. I can only go by what others tell me but I still can't really believe what they say, not that I think that they are lying but it just more feels like they are speaking about someone else entirely. Like they are speaking about this whole other person that I don't know. I can't see in myself what others see in me.

But I'm actually very open minded about others. I've always been do whatever makes you happy. I know a guy that can make a dress look way better than I could. Of course I could never express this openly because the area where I live isn't accepting of these things. You can't speak of such things here.

But yeah, I'm glad the world is becoming more accepting of these things even if my little part of it refuses to accept it. You can't be different around here. They call women with short hair dykes and act like it is a contagious disease. They still use the 'N' word around here. So yeah, really not tolerant at all. Racial slurs are abundant.
Cartier Inferni
fideli certa merces



Inferni
DEAD
User avatar
Luperci
fire on the hillside
sinner

POSTED: Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:36 pm

Since binders have been suggested I went to looking them up. I'm finding they aren't one size fits all like I thought they would be. Can someone with any experience with this help me figure out what size I need? Some show measurements for sizes:

Code: Select all
Size:
S:Bust(cm)80-87;Under Bust(cm) 68-75;Weight(kg)40-46;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
M:Bust(cm)87-94;Under Bust(cm)75-82;Weight(kg)47-54;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
L:Bust(cm)94-99;Under Bust(cm) 82-88;Weight(kg) 55-61;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
XL:Bust(cm)Approx 165cm;Under Bust(cm)88-93;Weight(kg)62-69;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
XXL:Bust(cm)106-113;Under Bust(cm)93-99;Weight(kg)70-76;Height(cm)Approx 165cm


Can someone help me understand these and how to take the measurements. Are those before sizes or the size it will be after the binder is on? I found some in a tank style that I might be able to get away with. I'll even take suggestions on what type of binder would be best to get. Should I go strapless or would tank be okay? There are full tanks and half tanks. Just any suggestions on what would work best would be nice. I was think tank because I'm worried strapless will continue to slip down I would have to adjust it over and over again which would be awkward.

I'm also looking into sports bras and I would appreciate help on sizing them too. Are they supposed to fit snug or be looser?

I'm sorry if these questions are dumb but they are things that I can't ask my own family.
Cartier Inferni
fideli certa merces



Inferni
DEAD
User avatar
Luperci
fire on the hillside
sinner

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:01 pm

I'm kind of late to this discussion but I wanted to add in my story in case it might be of some use.

I have also always suffered from gender issues. Since the time I was young I disliked being treated as a girl. I hated it when I got put into girls groups or made to wear feminine clothing. Dresses and I have a long time distaste for one another and I won't even look at makeup or jewelery. Ever since I entered college and gained the freedom to buy my own clothes, I spend most of my time in the men's sections of stores. Whenever I got called a boy I was happy. However, my story differs from yours in that I am not trans. At least... not fully.

I don't experience the same discomfort with my female body. I have never wished for a penis and there are times when I even like my breasts and vagina. I have extraordinarily long hair that I love to brush and braid. Additionally, I have never wanted to be a boy, at least not fully. I do envy guys occasionally for their male anatomy, but it isn't always the case. After years of deliberation and thinking, I finally came up with an answer that satisfied my inner feelings. I am what is known as Gender Queer.

Gender Queer is officially on the trans spectrum. We are considered partway between male and female. There are also various kinds of Gender Queer including Gender Fluid and Agender. I've just started the process of telling my family and friends of my gender orientation and I understand the lack of community support. In the end, all I can say is do your research and do what makes you feel best. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and don't give up.
Image
Avi by Nat Siggy by Miyu
New Dawn
DEAD
User avatar
Ariel
Luperci Envoy: KR

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:10 pm

Cartier Inferni wrote:Since binders have been suggested I went to looking them up. I'm finding they aren't one size fits all like I thought they would be. Can someone with any experience with this help me figure out what size I need? Some show measurements for sizes:

Code: Select all
Size:
S:Bust(cm)80-87;Under Bust(cm) 68-75;Weight(kg)40-46;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
M:Bust(cm)87-94;Under Bust(cm)75-82;Weight(kg)47-54;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
L:Bust(cm)94-99;Under Bust(cm) 82-88;Weight(kg) 55-61;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
XL:Bust(cm)Approx 165cm;Under Bust(cm)88-93;Weight(kg)62-69;Height(cm)Approx 165cm
XXL:Bust(cm)106-113;Under Bust(cm)93-99;Weight(kg)70-76;Height(cm)Approx 165cm


Can someone help me understand these and how to take the measurements. Are those before sizes or the size it will be after the binder is on? I found some in a tank style that I might be able to get away with. I'll even take suggestions on what type of binder would be best to get. Should I go strapless or would tank be okay? There are full tanks and half tanks. Just any suggestions on what would work best would be nice. I was think tank because I'm worried strapless will continue to slip down I would have to adjust it over and over again which would be awkward.

I'm also looking into sports bras and I would appreciate help on sizing them too. Are they supposed to fit snug or be looser?

I'm sorry if these questions are dumb but they are things that I can't ask my own family.


These sizes are for before measurements, they're to help you determine what you should be wearing to accommodate your body size safely and comfortably. And these measurements are fairly standard; I found a picture guide here on where you can use a tape measure to get accurate readings.
SILVANO SADIRA
Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.

Player WikiCommissionsCharacter Wiki
avatar by Lin
Cour des Miracles
Dead
User avatar
Gen
Luperci Equites Mate to Shiloh
Knight Errant
Commander Shepard
R E N A G O N • S O U L
Literary Liar

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 9:21 pm

Ariel, I'm looking into it but still uncertain of just where I fall. It is an ongoing process for me to try and figure myself out. Maybe if I can ever get away from where I am then I can explore it more.

Thanks Gen, I really suck at measurements. I have another dumb question, is measuring done with a bra on or a bra off?
Cartier Inferni
fideli certa merces



Inferni
DEAD
User avatar
Luperci
fire on the hillside
sinner

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:07 pm

Hey, I haven't read all of the posts in this thread so please forgive if I repeat anything that's already been said <w<;. But I am a non-binary person and would just like to give a few tips!

First off, and this is an obvious one that others have mentioned, it is perfectly OK to experiment. But for me personally, I did not experiment with clothing. One of the things I did when I was questioning, was ask some of my closest friends to try out using the pronouns I was thinking I wanted to use. Also, if you don't like your birth name, you can also ask your friends to try out a new name for you -- it can be any name that you want, anything that makes you feel comfortable. If you were born with the name Tom, you don't have to be a Tomella xD. You can be an Adele, a Luna, a Maria (I personally got the name used by my friends from a TV show XD).

Also, as Ariel implied in their post, you do NOT have to experience dysphoria to be trans! This is a mistake I see a lot around the trans community. If you don't want to change your private parts, that's OK! You can still be whatever gender you want. Your gender is a part of your identity. It's just like any other part of your identity, like your taste in music. Some people are going to love being rock fans, some people are going to love being country fans. Gender is the exact same thing. And it has just as many choices! In your post, it does seem like you do experience dysphoria, which is of course perfectly acceptable as well. But if at any time your feelings of dysphoria fade for whatever reason, I want you to know your feelings are still valid, it certainly doesn't mean you have to find a new gender.

As a final note, pronouns and titles are not limited. I am a non-binary person who uses he/him/his pronouns. If you like certain pronouns but don't feel you want to be the gender typically tied to it, you can do that. :3 But anyways, I should probably stop rambling here before I just start repeating myself :P. I hoped this helped at least a little bit!
Valentine Joyner

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:25 pm

What I am called doesn't bug me. Everyone already messes up my name so I'm used to answering to anything. Just like pronouns don't bug me either cause I'm used to answering to either or. I have just always wanted to change body parts I have never been satisfied with what I have. They feel all wrong to me and I hate them. I don't know if this matters any or not, but in my dreams I am always male. I've never had a dream where I was female in it. Granted, I was always a gay male in my dreams too. I can't remember a single moment where I've ever wanted girl parts, just like I can't ever recall a dream where I was a girl.

I guess that is what has me feeling so fucked up and confused. It is the physical aspect that disgusts me and yet the verbal stuff doesn't matter at all.
Cartier Inferni
fideli certa merces



Inferni
DEAD
User avatar
Luperci
fire on the hillside
sinner

POSTED: Mon Dec 22, 2014 10:57 pm

Don't worry too much about finding a label if you are confused -- you can just be you until you eventually find one. To be honest, I can't help much with dysphoria since I don't currently experience it D:. All I can say is there is no rush for all this. I understand how weird-feeling this might be, but you have a lot of years to figure it out. That aside, I definitely recommend looking into a binder like you have been doing. Just make sure you get one that's good quality! Also, whenever you manage to get one, try not to wear it all the time. And do not sleep in it! Even the best binders are not made to be worn 24/7 and can cause problems if you do. Safety first!
Valentine Joyner

Dead OOC