Inspiring those who need it

Read it if you need it even if you don't think you do

POSTED: Wed Oct 28, 2015 9:12 pm

Just so you know. I have decided to have this here and hopefully post something here once a week. :)
I hope for those of you struggling with depression or stress that this will be helpful to you, and to let you know that i have went through this, too. Have wonderful week and wait for the next time i post!

Update: Will now post here every other day if i can :D


"Every person is a colour in this world. Shade that defines us, our personality.This colour analogy I came up with is from the things I love. I love to use and mix colours. Although you can get away with making beautiful pictures, you still have to clean the brush or it stains. Like pain the colours soak into our hearts and we are losing hope. That's why I wanna let people hear this, to give them hope. We all have traits, we all have different situations and negative impacts are like water, fading you out. Look around you, you all have colours. We know those people who are happy and very charismatic, they are shades of green. We also know people who can tend to be quiet and separated from the world, they are shades of blue. The possibilities span out from that you traits define your colour. Now your colour you hold with you, is going to change. It can change colour and it can be watered down to nothing. Think for a moment think of a colour that you would like to be, I bet you chose the one that you sought best for you. If I could choose any colour I would love to be a shade of green, to be happy.

Now I know this is about to take a turn for the worst. I believe when peoples colours fade so do their hopes for living, they contemplate suicide and wait day after day for the courage to go through it. For the longest time they dull their colour down to nothing but water and finally this stay for the worse. The people that loved them, their colour starts to fade too. Now I'm sure you've heard story after story and your sick about hearing about suicide. But why cover your ears and let other people yet egged on about being upset with life. You struggle to get up everyday, you struggle to look in the mirror, and maybe you struggle to fit in, to not take another pill. In the end you struggle, everyday and yes its hard and it sucks. Now you maybe saying. "What the derp! You've never been depressed, you have no idea what is it like."

Well I do, Now when I was born they called me a ball of sunshine, I loved to sing and run around the house playing with Hot Wheels, sticking sandwiches in he VCR. I was a florescent ball of Yellow. Bright and loving. Now My parents separated and my colour dulled a bit, I was now a slightly less brighter child. Now when I got to this town I was already a lukewarm yellow, like yellow with no effort. Things were great, I had made new friends and even enemies! I had a new place to try to change my colour to be a new person. So I lied. I damaged my colour with lies, it has turned into this gross brown yellow colour. I was teased in school a lot after I starting dying my hair, I was told once: "You used to be pretty, now your just gross." Gross.. I dyed my hair to a red and now I was gross.

I know this sound kind of dramatic and believe me I am a drama queen sometimes. But that day I went home and cut off a lot of my hair, I was upset. People thought I was ugly and it effected me. They didn't know it, they didn't know how much it effected me. Now once I entered high school, I had let my colour fade even more. I started to use drugs, because I wanted my best friend to like me. I wanted her to choose me over her boyfriend, but it never happened. It seems I had grown to love materialistic things, I want money for more substances. I would sell my sisters jewelry for exchange for drugs. I met this girl, now I'm pretty sure you might know whom I'm gonna talk about. I wont use her name though. I met her the March of 9th grade in English class. I believe she was a magenta shade, it was pretty faded at the time. We became best friends, and her colour got more vibrant. I wanted to get vibrant, but the struggle against the cravings never left, but I put up my first wall. I never let her see me in that way in fear she would dull. I cared more about her happiness then anything. I wanted her to succeed.

By 10th grade I had been able to pull off this act of hiding my addictions from everyone. Now as people saw me, I was different on the exterior the outside was unphased and I smiled, while sadness bubbled like water in my stomach. No one once asked me for help with it, which the the case was a good thing. I started to think that dating multiple guys would help make my life better, not at all. I started dating my drug dealer, not a good Idea. His colour was blue, a light blue that was tainted with a dark ring of grime. Not the best idea for me I guess.I pushed myself, I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be accepted and all I had was stilt legs and fat genes from a ungrateful father. You see, I had wrapped myself up in it all, I caked on make up and I starved myself until I found myself trying to get off with everything possible to get more substance. But it was just another phase in my life I needed to get over and done with. That Christmas the Christmas of 2010 Things in me changed. I had this best friend That I wasn't being honest to, and I wanted to change. I enrolled myself into foster care. I call it "Rehab" now.

The people were amazing, the friendliness was almost sickening but it felt right. I soon enough was able to talk about myself and be myself. I had also met my girlfriend there. She was probably the second reason why I tried so hard to kick the feelings of diving head first into a pit of needles. And If I ever see her again I'll thank her for loving me despite my hair colour at the time. After 8 months of "rehab" and I think 13 different hair colours I was home and happy. My mother was pleased and even my little brother was happy to have his "Dura" back. Things were great, the colour had turned back to yellow, just your plain average Jaune.(french pun) But it seems during the time I was spending to myself I had put up walls around me, I pushed my best friend off the chart and most of my friends too.

I can't tell you I didn't think about it, I would be lying if I said that. I tried, and I tried I begged "god" to kill me a lot during my journey. I eventually ended up to the state of melted butter, I had lukewarm feelings of living. I kept eyeing up the tree in the back yard, I walked around it everyday for months planning how I would hang myself. I collected rope and re-wrote my suicide letter everyday adding more regrets and more dark secrets. I would scar my thighs and take more pills then I should but I never was granted that wish. I am glad I didn't. Your colours are you, you can make em as bright as you want. Let everyone see! Or you can dull it to the bone, let what others say to you bother you. When Honestly when does anything they say bother you. What makes us different. Our personality, but if you are all covered with thoughts of drugs or hurting yourself it's like your covered in band aids. People can set a feeling off like the rip of a band aid being pulled off quickly. Don't let it sting longer then you need it too.

Sure maybe your style is different from theirs maybe your dreams are harder to achieve, Maybe your fears are not placed in front of you but you like to chase them. It's your colour, its your shade of life that you can effect. And If you let someone else dip their brush in your colour, your gonna end up with a mess. So when you get teased or if something goes wrong at home and you want to just die think for a minute. "When Did I Let what others say matter?" When did you think everyone is allowed to have a opinion on you and what you wanna strive for. So what if your not model skinny, so what if you're gay. So what if you are loud and wanna scream words from the roof tops. Its who you are, don't change it, don't mix your colour trying to become someone your not. If you ever feel suicidal, If you ever feel Ugly if you ever feel alone in the world Stand up.
Look around you, these people are hurting. These people are feeling the same way as you. Their colours are dull they want them to explode. Ya'll can sit down now.

Think about the memories that made your colour brighter, think about the people who you will effect by committing suicide. If you right now are thinking, No one will then I'll smack yea. I know of this girl, a friend of mines ex girlfriend. She used to say "When I die no one is gonna come to my funeral." You know what, when that girl took her life, the funeral hall couldn't hold enough people. The balconies were Pactd and they had One minute to say goodbye, now that took all day. So next time your down, next time you think your too fat or ugly to get anywhere, think of the colour in your heart the colour you are going to become in the end, the vibrancy. Because that is your soul, your reason to live, to inspire others with your struggles to push forth your dreams.

Let me challenge you . Go one day without using, or self harm. Then the day after let me challenge you again, go two days. Now after those three days decide if you wanna challenge me, I'll put my happiness on the line, you put those feelings. And If I win, smile. Let the world know you won against the troubles. To walk this road with me, to stand here beside me and let the world know you're happy, or maybe that your struggling with the challenge I'm sure if you ask someone will lend you a hand, an ear and If they're not afraid of people; a hug. Now if I dont inspire you to change, fine then. But if you ever think about being alone, ever feel like maybe your alone against the works and you want to just fall off the face of the earth. Think about cats, no just kidding. Think about the people around you, how they are gonna react when you push your feelings their way. Trust me, if your parents or siblings or boyfriend/girlfriend, or cat will wrap their arms and paws around you and accept you. And if they don't, I'll send chuck Norris on their tail."

Last edited by Ahote Makya on Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ahote Makya

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POSTED: Sun Nov 01, 2015 11:19 pm

Hello again! I have another post for yo. ^^ This one is on stress relief and different things you can do to relieve stress. And sorry for being sutcha councillor, i guess getting counseled yourself it rubs off and yah. :D


Stress can get to us at any time. It is not a bad thing some times, like stressing about getting your homework done then feeling accomplished when it is done. But there is also bad stress. The type of stress you get when you get an F on a test that you thought you would have an A+ on because you studied so hard. Here are some helpful tips on what you can do when you are stressed from my own experiences:

1) Take a short break.

Sometimes you can get too worked up about something and get so stressed to the point where you cannot think straight and start making mistakes or rush, even feel sick. A sort break from all the stress can really help your mind and body to relax and concentrate better on what you have to do.

2) Tea

Stress releif tea. (MY SAVIOR!!!) You can get it almost anywhere for not to much money. On that break that i mentioned above you can take a sip of nice hot tea, or take some sips while you are working or other. If you don't like the taste of tea, you can also have a cup o' coffee'. It is not nearly as beneficial or as healthy for you as tea is but it can help a little bit. :)

3) Relax

Try not to be tense, stretch out and keep from hunching over or tensed shoulders. Being tense also causes hand cramps and other physical health isues caused by stress. Having tea can help you loosen up as well.

other things (stress relief items):

stress foam, incense, lavender oil (essential oils), soft music/Celtic music (Good Celtic Stress Relief Music), or other music that calms the nerves, healthy snacks, and scented candles. (Yoga is good too but I will explain that later in another post)
Ahote Makya

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POSTED: Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:40 pm

as some of you may know, it was hard for me to concentrate on doing this post because i was also focusing on school (semester finals-_-) but i hope you guys like what i got up for yah! ^^


Its never the right thing to do, take it from me.

I almost lost a dear friend when he tryed to take his own life. Though he didn't tell me about it until a year later he showed me the scars on his arms, and his story. He wouldn't make something up like this I know. Because the year before he was really dirty, depressed, and antisocial. But he matured over time and is now wanting to join NASA and be a scientist. Stop before even thinking about suicide, think about the opportunities for you in life, this life, not the next

You're not alone; many of us have had suicidal thoughts at some point in our lives. Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn't mean that you are crazy, or weak, or flawed. It only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. This pain seems overwhelming and permanent at the moment. But with time and support, you can overcome your problems and the pain and suicidal feelings will pass.

If you’re feeling suicidal right now...

Please call for help! Call 1-800-273-TALK in the U.S., or visit IASP to find a helpline in your country. Or talk to someone you trust and let them know how bad things are.
If you’re a veteran suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and are thinking about taking your own life, please contact a suicide helpline and read PTSD in Military Veterans for ways you can start feeling better today.

Coping with suicidal thoughts: the first steps

Step #1: Promise not to do anything right now

Even though you’re in a lot of pain right now, give yourself some distance between thoughts and action. Make a promise to yourself: "I will wait 24 hours and won't do anything drastic during that time." Or, wait a week.

Thoughts and actions are two different things—your suicidal thoughts do not have to become a reality. There’s is no deadline, no one pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts and suicidal action.

Step #2: Avoid drugs and alcohol

Suicidal thoughts can become even stronger if you have taken drugs or alcohol. It is important to not use nonprescription drugs or alcohol when you feel hopeless or are thinking about suicide.

Step #3: Make your home safe

Remove things you could use to hurt yourself, such as pills, knives, razors, or firearms. If you are unable to do so, go to a place where you can feel safe. If you are thinking of taking an overdose, give your medicines to someone who can return them to you one day at a time as you need them.

Step #4: Take hope—people DO get through this

Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this. There is a very good chance that you are going to live through these feelings, no matter how much self-loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing. Just give yourself the time needed and don’t try to go it alone.

Step #5: Don’t keep these suicidal feelings to yourself

Many of us have found that the first step to coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings is to share them with someone we trust. It may be a friend, a therapist, a member of the clergy, a teacher, a family doctor, a coach, or an experienced counselor at the end of a helpline. Find someone you trust and let them know how bad things are. Don’t let fear, shame, or embarrassment prevent you from seeking help. Just talking about how you got to this point in your life can release a lot of the pressure that’s building up and help you find a way to cope.

Why do I feel this way?

Many kinds of emotional pain can lead to thoughts of suicide. The reasons for this pain are unique to each one of us, and our ability to cope with the pain differs from person to person. Don't listen to anyone who tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." We are all different. What might be bearable to one person may not be bearable to you. There are, however, some common factors that may lead us to experience suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Feeling suicidal is often associated with problems that can be treated

Loss, depression, anxiety disorders, medical conditions, drug and alcohol dependency, financial, legal or school problems, and other life difficulties can all create profound emotional distress. They also interfere with our ability to problem solve. Even if you can’t see it now, there are nearly always other solutions for these problems.

Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder are all treatable with changes in lifestyle, therapy, and medication. Most people who seek help for their problems and make constructive changes in their lives improve their situation and recover. Even if you have received treatment for a disorder before, or if you’ve already made attempts to solve your problems, you should know that it’s often necessary to try several different solutions before the right solution or combination of solutions can be found. Almost all problems can be treated or resolved.

Why suicide can seem like the only option

If you are unable to think of solutions other than suicide, it is not that other solutions don’t exist, but rather that you are currently unable to see them. The intense emotional pain that you’re experiencing right now can distort your thinking so it becomes harder to see possible solutions to problems, or to connect with those who can offer support. Therapists, counselors, or friends or loved ones, can help you to see solutions that otherwise may not be apparent to you. Give them a chance to help.

A suicidal crisis is almost always temporary

Although it might seem as if your pain and unhappiness will never end, it is important to realize that crises are usually temporary. Solutions are often found, feelings change, unexpected positive events occur. Remember: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Give yourself the time necessary for things to change and the pain to subside.

Reaching out for help

Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, there are many people who want to support you during this difficult time. They won't try to argue with you about how miserable you feel or tell you to just "snap out of it." They will not judge you. They will simply listen to you and be there for you.

Reach out to someone. Do it now. If you promised yourself 24 hours or a week in step #1, use that time to tell someone what's going on with you. You can call a trusted friend, family member, minister, rabbi, doctor, or therapist. It doesn’t matter who it is, as long as it’s someone you trust and who is likely to listen with compassion and acceptance.

How to talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts

Even when you’ve decided who you can trust to talk to, admitting your suicidal thoughts to another person can be difficult.

Tell the person exactly what you are telling yourself. If you have a suicide plan, explain it to them.
Phrases such as, ‘I can't take it anymore’ or ‘I’m done’ are vague and do not illustrate how serious things really are. Tell the person you trust that you are thinking about suicide.
If it is too difficult for you to talk about, try writing it down and handing a note to the person you trust. Or send them an email or text and sit with them while they read it.
What if you don't feel understood?

If you do not feel the person you have chosen to talk to has understood, tell someone else, or call a suicide crisis helpline. There are plenty of people out there who will understand. Don’t let one bad experience stop you from finding someone who can help.

If you don’t know who to turn to:

In the U.S. – Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). These toll-free crisis hotlines offer 24-hour suicide prevention and support. Your call is free and confidential.

Outside the U.S. – Visit IASP or to find a helpline in your country.

Ways to cope with suicidal thoughts and feelings

Remember that while it may seem as if these suicidal thoughts and feelings will never end, this is never a permanent condition. You WILL feel better again. In the meantime, there are some ways to help cope with your suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Things to do

Talk with someone every day, preferably face to face. Though you feel like withdrawing, ask trusted friends and acquaintances to spend time with you. Or continue to call a crisis helpline and talk about your feelings.
Make a safety plan. Develop a set of steps that you can follow during a suicidal crisis. It should include contact numbers for your doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.
Make a written schedule for yourself every day and stick to it, no matter what. Keep a regular routine as much as possible, even when your feelings seem out of control.
Get out in the sun or into nature for at least 30 minutes a day.
Exercise as vigorously as is safe for you. To get the most benefit, aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. But you can start small. Three 10-minute bursts of activity can have a positive effect on mood.
Make time for things that bring you joy. Even if very few things bring you pleasure at the moment, force yourself to do the things you used to enjoy.
Remember your personal goals. You may have always wanted to travel to a particular place, read a specific book, own a pet, move to another place, learn a new hobby, volunteer, go back to school, or start a family. Write your personal goals down.

Things to avoid:

Being alone. Solitude can make suicidal thoughts even worse. Visit a friend, or family member, or pick up the phone and call a crisis helpline.
Alcohol and drugs. Drugs and alcohol can increase depression, hamper your problem-solving ability, and can make you act impulsively.
Doing things that make you feel worse. Listening to sad music, looking at certain photographs, reading old letters, or visiting a loved one’s grave can all increase negative feelings.
Thinking about suicide and other negative thoughts. Try not to become preoccupied with suicidal thoughts as this can make them even stronger. Don’t think and rethink negative thoughts. Find a distraction. Giving yourself a break from suicidal thoughts can help, even if it’s for a short time.
Recovering from suicidal feelings

Even if your suicidal thoughts and feelings have subsided, get help for yourself. Experiencing that sort of emotional pain is itself a traumatizing experience. Finding a support group or therapist can be very helpful in decreasing the chances that you will feel suicidal again in the future.

~Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D., Lawrence Robinson, and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D

Sorry for the seriously long post but this is what i do for you guys who might need this information :)
Ahote Makya

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POSTED: Mon Nov 23, 2015 1:18 am

sorry for the late post on this for those who might have been wondering, but here you go! :) Sorry if this post if kind of crappy, I couldn't really type let alone talk about this kind of stuff. For me it's kind of a touchy topic to review on. If you have gone through personal loss, just know you have my full support! :)


Loss is something almost every person in the world deals with some time, somewhere, with some one or something in their lives. It's ok, it's normal, but it is sad, and it's ok to CRY.

Inspirational Vids & Songs on Loss

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YouTube Songs Playlist

TV Gods help with Loss

Personal Experience Rant on How to Deal with Loss of a Loved One

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