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Spirals of Self-Loathing

Mon Jul 17, 2017 6:53 am

OOC Searching around for Iorek, finds him in the gardens. Backdated to July 8th.

Ever since the tri-colored Teagan had come in for her wounds to be cared for, Veri had been on a keen look out for a certain bear-like shape around the buildings of Casa. Everywhere she caught his scent he'd already been absent from the area for a good many hours. Based on what Teagan had said, the poor boy had to be traumatized by what had occurred. As gentle as the brown colored beast was, she had no doubt the sight of blood on his own hands had been a very negative wake up call to his more aggressive side. He probably wasn't actively trying to stay clear of her, but rather of everyone, and this made him a little difficult to pin down.

It took her some time, but the Healer had miles of patience at her disposal, and she wasn't even near it's end when, finally, Damon reported seeing the large male just a few minutes ago in the gardens. With haste Veri left her task to be finished by either Morty or her son and briskly made her way out of the Courthouse and walked around it's perimeter to enter the gardens, where healers and herbalists worked together to maintain both the medicinal plants they used and the flowers more appropriate for simple decoration.

There she found the large form of Iorek amongst a group of flowers, what he did she couldn't tell, with his back to her. "Iorek?" she called, still a few yards away, but she'd rather he know exactly where she was and have a choice about how close she came, rather than be caught off guard and on edge from her proximity. While making sure to keep her body language open, inviting, the cream matriarch circled in front of the male within his field of vision and sat on the ground a few feet away, her soft mixed blue gaze lightly set on his face, but not directly his ruby irises; she didn't want to intimidate the poor boy any more than he would already be naturally. "Hey sweetheart. What're you doing there?" she'd ask about the incident with the loner later, right now he needed, what she felt, to be the comforting touch of a mother.

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Wed Jul 19, 2017 12:22 am


The massive Optime shape of Iorek hunched in the gardens. After the attack, he had been hiding away from his pack mates for a few days. He didn't want to hurt them and often came back to the fort at the dead of night. He was scared, scared of the monster that he knew was inside of him and he did anything to keep away from his pack mates. He stuck to the places outside of Casa di Cavalieri, which was dangerous and he knew it. He had finally made him appearance after a while. But, the wolfdog was still afraid.

The brown behemoth sat away from others, picking flowers and weaving them into flower crowns. He was scared and it showed in his work. The flower crown looked like his first one, the first one he ever made. A soft sigh echoed through the beast as he looked at his work. He could use it for room decoration. He set it on the side and began working on another one, focusing even more on the new one he was making so that it wasn't as sloppy. The chocolate-saddled beast felt that was the only escape for him.

The red-eyed recruit almost jumped as he heard a voice call his name. Was it one of the leaders? No, it wasn't the moon-hued Sola so it was someone else. He turned towards the voice as he heard them sit. He sat in a more hunched posture and seemed to cower more than usual. The female had creamy white fur and blue eyes. There was also a nasty scar on her muzzle. The crimson-eyed Cavalier took a moment to process her question.

"F-Flower c-crows...m-making th-them." The hybrid brute stammered. His ears were buried in his fur and his bobbed tail tried to tuck itself between his legs. He held the half-made flower crown in his hands. With a bit of thought, the fluffy monster held it up slightly for inspection.

OptimeDayJuly 8thGardens

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:23 am

OOC here

The moment Iorek jumped at the call of his name, Veri's heart went out to the poor boy and she wanted to wrap her arms around his neck and assure him he was safe. Alas, she doubted her touch would be a comfort right now. She kept her position relaxed as he hunkered down a little more in her presence. In a way, he reminded her of how she used to act around others when she'd first come to Casa. Afraid of everyone, no matter how kind. It had taken quite a while to come out of her shell. She'd expect a similar time frame for Iorek. And on top of his normal anxiety, the brown hued male had been forced to kill. Looking upon this gentle beast before her right now, he was no killer.

His response to her question was stammered, but still she smiled at him, careful to show as little teeth as possible in case he got the wrong idea. She wanted him to think she was pleased, not angry. His ears had already disappeared into his fluff of fur, even as he held up the half made flower crown, as if for inspection. She leaned forward nonchalantly to do just that, her eyes alight with an awe she was used to showing to her children when they'd been younger. Iorek gave off a very innocent, puplike vibe to her, this made it even easier to act in such a way. "It looks beautiful, Iorek. Would it be okay to make one for me too?" this seemed to be a habit the young male enjoyed quite a lot, which made her more than happy to encourage it.

"My name is Veri. I'm a healer. That means I help others when they are hurt or upset. I've heard that you might be upset." she didn't want to overwhelm him with speech, so she used only the ones she needed to convey her message.

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:05 am

Word Count → 300+
Optime | Day | July 8th | Gardens

Iorek nodded, studying the woman for a minute and then selected some colors for her. Blue would go well with her eyes and yellow would complement her fur nicely. He began pulling up flowers to use for the crown. With something to do, the task was a bit quicker and it looked a bit nicer than his first attempt. He made a pretty crown from the blue and yellow flowers as the woman spoke to him. The wolfdog could multitask talking and weaving.

The brown behemoth's head tilted as Veri introduced herself. Did she heal Teagan? Was that how she knew. His fur puffed from fear as he thought that she was going to punish him? But, she said she also helped people whom where upset. He wouldn't necessarily consider himself upset, though he was afraid. Was that the same? He looked at her with slight fear that dulled into slight anxiety. The chocolate-saddled beast shrugged, not knowing if he was upset or not.

"I-I'll b-be...b-be o-okay," The red-eyed recruit said, though he didn't believe it. He didn't want to lose control, and the best way was to stay away from people. He would stay in his room for the rest of the day since he didn't have anything to do. He didn't want to waste the woman's time either if he was a lost cause. He didn't know anymore. He knew that he wasn't good, though. That was what the crimson-eyed Cavalier knew for sure.

The massive yearling closed his eyes and he saw the carnage. He had been woken up by bad dreams. He dreamed that Teagan hadn't been able to stop him; he dreamed that he hadn't bee able to stop himself from injuring his pack mate badly, he relived the attack. The fluffy monster wasn't okay. But, he hoped he would be okay soon. It wasn't the first trauma he had gone through. He had seen his mother killed by loners. But did this incident affect him more than his mother dying?

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Wed Jul 19, 2017 4:50 am

OOC here

Ruby orbs, very similar to those of her son, peered at her for a minute before he nodded and began to select some flowers from his pile and weave them together. Her eyes followed his hands as they worked the stems together with calm patience, such a contrasting image of gentleness when compared to his bulk. Iorek's reaction to her introduction was expected, but still caused a clench in her heart. His fur bristled and stood on end, puffing up his appearance as he suddenly gazed at her with fear. Did he expect her to lash out at him, to punish him for what had happened? Fenris no, and she'd backhand anyone else that tried. Her smile was gentle, coaxing, after he spoke his words.

"You will be okay, yes...but, I think, maybe, you are afraid? Afraid of yourself? Afraid it might happen again?" Veri barely knew Iorek but his entire demeanor screamed innocent. She had no doubt this gentle boy had snapped under the sudden demands and pressure of being a defender. With three trespassers on them and Teagan in the predicament she'd been in, Veri didn't blame the brown hued male at all. This wasn't his environment, everything about Casa was entirely new to him. She suspected he thought he was dangerous, a monster. Dangerous, maybe, when pushed. But never a monster. To show that she had no such fear of him, the cream furred healer scooted closer until she was within arms reach, leaning forward slightly to catch his crimson gaze with her own blue one.

"If you hadn't been with Teagan, she would be more hurt than she is now. Possibly dead. Three against one isn't a fair fight, no matter how good she is." slowly Veri reached out a hand to touch the large fingers that grasped the flower crown he made for her. "You saved her. You are not a monster. You protected your pack mate, and monsters don't do that." her tone remained exceedingly gentle, but firm. She wanted him to believe her, so badly, but she knew it would take more than just one positive conversation for the large beast to take the words to heart. Veri smiled at the flower crown. "And monsters can't create beautiful things either, and yet you are."

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Wed Jul 19, 2017 12:07 pm


Iorek tilted his head towards Veri as she voiced exactly what he was afraid of. He was afraid of the monster that had made itself known. He was afraid of the monster that had made itself known, the monster that had hurt Teagan, the monster that had hurt two loners, the monster that killed one. The bloodshed that day was even worse than his mother's death. And he never wanted it to happen again. The wolfdog trembled slightly. Closing his eyes for a second and then seeing the carnage, wincing slightly.

The woman moved closer and the brown behemoth almost moved away. But, that would be rude and disrespectful. So, he stayed in one place like a boulder. Her blue eyes caught his red, but he looked away. He was scared, scared that he would attack again, though the movements with the flower crown were not hindered. If he could keep his hands busy, he might not turn bad again. The massive yearling still bristled. He was still afraid.

The red-eyed recruit shook his head. If someone else had been there, they wouldn't have hurt the tri-colored knight. They wouldn't have caused as much harm as he did. They wouldn't have turned into a monster on that day. He was a killer, anybody else wouldn't have killed. He looked at the woman, "I-I h-hurt...h-hurt T-Teagan...N-not g-good." The crimson-eyed Cavalier stammered while shaking his head.

And then the woman pointed at the flower crown that the hybrid beast had just finished. She pointed out that monsters couldn't create pretty things that he could. He shook his head, "M-Monster k-kill...i-it i-inside......I-I m-me n-now." He replied. He nodded, agreeing with her statement. The monster couldn't make pretty things, but the chocolate-saddled brute could.He held up the finished flower crown, showing it to the healer. "Y-Yours."

OptimeNightJulyCdC borders

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:19 pm

OOC here

The closer she moved the more he seemed to tense up and she almost feared that he'd bolt. But to her surprise, he stayed in placed, solid as a rock but beside her nonetheless. His hands never ceased to move, even when his eyelids concealed the red irises and a shudder passed through his frame. She could imagine what he saw; the death of the loner he'd torn apart. Before she'd come to Casa, killing had been...distasteful for her as well. But once she'd joined the warrior pack, if became more about family than serving as a guard and slave for her Father. Veri's expression softened further as he grieved for harming Teagan. "Hurting Teagan was not good, no. But you're not a monster for it either." she soothed softly.

His response after she mentioned the flower caught her attention. Maybe in a way he could be right, maybe there was a part of him, one more volatile, that came out in order to preserve himself. But a monster, a true one, wouldn't feel any regret for his actions as Iorek did. Before she could speak again, the bear-like wolf held up the finished crown, declaring it as hers. A pleased smile came to her lips as she took the pretty circlet and inspected it. "It's beautiful sweetie, thank you so much." she thanked as she raised it above her to gently nestle it around her ears.. The healer took a couple seconds to make sure it would stay in place and then lowered her hands to her lap once again.

"Iorek, if anyone else from the pack had been there, all three of the loners would be dead. Teagan wouldn't be hurt, you're right about that. But you're not a monster for hurting the loner, or her." those who were experienced in fighting would have torn those loners apart, herself included. She might be a Medic, but threatening her home wasn't a great idea. "The only reason this 'monster' came out is because you were overwhelmed and afraid. Everything in Casa is new to you, right? You're not used to needing to defend a packmate like that." she reached out a hand to touch his knee gently, smiling a little in an effort to comfort him. "It gets easier, I promise. I know you don't like it, I didn't either when I first came here. But the other option, if you don't fight when someone needs you? It feels worse than the way you do now." Veri scooted back to give him space before she stood upright, careful to not dislodge her crown. "I understand being afraid of yourself. Please, come find me if you want to. I'll help you however I can, with whatever you need."

All packmembers, in a way, were family. This was no different for Iorek, no matter what wrong he thought he'd commited. She'd do her best to lead him away from the negative wedge he'd gotten himself into.

Re: Spirals of Self-Loathing

Tue Aug 01, 2017 1:50 am

I wanna shelter you

Iorek couldn't, or wouldn't believer Veri's words. She wasn't there, she didn't know how he felt. He had attacked Teagan for no good reason at all. The terror in the boy's eyes as the monster reached down to tear out his throat was something that was stuck in his mind. He wasn't much older than Tinsel and he had slain the young boy. The scream as the wolf tried to escape from the wolfdog still rang in his ears.

The massive yearling's mood lifted slightly as the wolf woman wore the crown he had made for her. He had done well with his choice of colors. The yellow and blue hues complemented her features nicely. The sight of his work still didn't take away the troubled look on his face. Even the woman's joy didn't even lift the look off of his face. He still wasn't okay. Would the feral giant ever be?

The red-eyed Recruit did looks shocked when the woman said that if anyone else was there, then all the loners would be dead? He didn't know if he was terrified or relieved. So, maybe he saved the two loners? But, it had been at the expense of Teagan, it seemed. He didn't know why his pack mates would slaughter loners? He did understand the need to protect his home, but at the expense of other's lives? The crimson-eyed Cavalier couldn't understand why they would need to kill the loners instead of simply chasing them off.

The blue-eyed lady didn't know that the brown behemoth had served as a protector to his mother. Ever since he had first shifted, he had been protecting his mom. He used his massive Secui shape to keep loners away from the small wolfess and chased them away. But one night, he had failed. Two loners had attacked his mother and at only a year old, he saw his mother bleed out. So, he did understand the need to defend a pack mate. But, he had hesitated and his mother had died. He felt the hints of frustration, but didn't act or outwardly show them. The chocolate-saddled brute was a mountain, not reacting or even bidding the woman farewell.

Once the healer had left, the flower boy padded towards the Courthouse. He would stay in his room for the rest of the day. He wasn't okay yet. So, on all fours, the beast walked into the Courthouse, keeping his head towards the ground and avoiding the center. Once he got to his room, he shifted down to his halfling form and curled up on the bed.

But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide
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