[M] Open Letters

POSTED: Tue May 03, 2016 1:35 pm

WARNING This thread may contain strong language and sensitive content. Reader discretion is advised.

Open Letters

This topic is a place to write "letters" or notes to sources of stress in your life as ranting, raving, venting, and getting some of your pent up aggression out can be a wonderful way to de-stress and move on. You are also welcome to write letters of encouragement and sympathy to fellow members.

  • DO NOT use this topic to direct passive-aggressive messages to other members or the staff. If you have a problem with a member that you are not able to handle on your own, feel free to contact the administration. If you have a problem with the administration and are uncomfortable with approaching us directly, feel free to submit your concerns anonymously via Tumblr.
  • All posts to this thread are pruned approximately every three months -- nothing here is saved long-term! We recommend using a blogging/journal service if you wish to have a long-term archive of your thoughts.
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POSTED: Mon Oct 09, 2017 7:41 am

I miss sleeping well.

Starting to feel my mental state unravel
Now, I've learned it's better living in the moment. Enjoy youth, cause it doesn't last.

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POSTED: Mon Oct 09, 2017 10:13 am

^ D: <3

i was not expecting this weekend to be so exhausting. obviously too much peopling for my brain to cope with. and yet i still feel really lonely. sigh.
i have a follow-up psych appointment in december and i just don't have the energy to phone them and tell them that i need to see a different doctor. and i know this is going to stress me out for the 1.5 months until the actual appointment x_x

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POSTED: Thu Oct 12, 2017 6:50 pm

This whole week so far has been absolutely terrible. It started with me having to give Zeus back to his original owner because his injuries were far worse than what had been explained to me via email, phone or anything. Found that out with a trip last week to the vet I use for Athena. Then I was given the chance to get a puppy that was three months old. The individual I was supposed to get him from messaged me the day I was supposed to go get him to tell me that something came up and she wouldn't be there to meet me at the expected time. So, I set something up for the next day and she was cool with that. Then, the next day comes around.

I leave my house at 8:45 AM. Those of you in Indiana know that it has been dark around that time for the past week or so. PLUS it was raining. I drive an hour and 30 minutes to get there and the puppy is outside in the middle of the downfall. :| It would have been marginally alright if the pup even had its shots but the lady had already told everyone that the puppy was not up to date on its shots so leaving him outside was just asking for him to die. I was ready to take him home right then and there because it was cold and wet and he looked terrified. I couldn't even get the poor thing to approach me because he was barking and growling at me because I was a new face in an area it had probably already claimed as its territory and it was frightened on top off that. It was obvious to me that the puppy was in distress. I knocked on the doors several times, even knocked on a window. I gave it ten minutes in between and then did the same thing with the addition of blowing my car's horn which only seemed to frighten the puppy more. I didn't want to get accused of stealing him despite the fact that agreements had been made for me to take him so I left not knowing what else to do.

I got an hour down the road, and this is the worst part, and finally got back phone service because I hadn't had anything for the last two hours of my trip and got a message from my brother. At that point, I pulled over and let Facebook messenger obtain service again long enough for me to message this lady back to let her know that the puppy was outside and I had already been there. Not only did she lie to say that she thought I was going to be there later after I gave her the exact time I would be there, but she also told me that if I was still there to just open the front door and call the puppy to me. This sent major red flags because 1, I didn't know if this was the lady's house. 2, now I wasn't so sure that the puppy was even hers since she claimed it was in the house.

All in all, my anxiety and depression has been getting to me hardcore today and I don't know how to feel other than angry and annoyed because the group I was in did nothing about the situation and just let her continue posting the dog on their site. Obviously, it was neglect on her part to leave the puppy out in the rain but she also wasted several hours of my time by making me drive there only to not answer the door and then message me back when I was already an hour away to go back and get the pup which I couldn't do because of red flags. :/ I'm more annoyed for the pup than anything that it had to go through that scarring, traumatic situation.
Anita "Fang" Espinoza

POSTED: Thu Oct 12, 2017 11:57 pm

Can't I just quit already. This job is tearing me apart physically and mentally.
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POSTED: Wed Oct 18, 2017 12:14 am

I really wish my mom would stop and think for a second about my mental health. I told her I had depression and she seemed to forget about that, apparently. And I thought she would understand since she has depression, but I guess she doesn't want another "condition" on her child. I wish she would understand my ADHD, anxiety, and depression. But, she doesn't seem to care.

And school has been absolute hell for me. Sometimes, I think it's my home environment that keeps me from doing my work because I just want to escape it. It doesn't help that I'm normally worn out and stressed from school and then I come home and feel a sinking feeling. It's also harder because my Geometry teacher doesn't seem very reasonable with how he assigns homework and I don't understand a lot of the material because apparently we were supposed to learn it over the break, but I have barely any idea how to do it.

And then today, I accidentally slipped to my mom that I had a B in science and she freaked out on me because I wouldn't be getting a 4.0 GPA. I already gave up on being a veterinarian because of her: all the pressure she put on me, all the times she told me not to be a veterinarian because I was too afraid to do something, and all of the things she wants me to do to get into medical school. When I told her that I wanted to pursue a degree in computer science, she gave up on me because apparently she needed to think about her future and retirement, like she's always talking about how when I become a veterinarian, I can buy her a house on the beach. When she heard about how I didn't want to become a vet, she was talking about not needing a phone, or computer, or my meds because she doesn't need them. So, I said I wanted to become a veterinarian.

And now she's all mad at me about betting 2 B's and decided to take away my phone and my ADHD medicine until I raise my grades. I'm a Freshman and those were my first quarter grades! But, now I don't think I can talk to her or even be in the same room as her until she calms down or something.

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POSTED: Sun Oct 22, 2017 2:57 am

Can I just start screaming? Would anyone even notice?
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POSTED: Sun Oct 22, 2017 7:27 pm

Anita "Fang" Espinoza

POSTED: Sun Oct 22, 2017 9:14 pm

Who on earth steals an entire street's worth of mail? Are you really that low and desperate? For fuck's sake man.
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POSTED: Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:27 pm

I can't really stop the depression that's rolling in this time. I've tried writing, listening to music, playing games, even spent a week at my dad's when I could have just gone over once or twice a day to feed their cat. Now I'm at home again and negative thoughts are the only thoughts. I'm doubting myself and my strength, especially when I look at everyone 'around' me. Maybe I need to make the decision I've sort of been fretting the past month and start packing my stuff up. While I hate the idea of moving back in with dad and Deb, being alone isn't doing me any favors. Especially with me having a limited income and having to survive on so little money a month with all of my other responsibilities.


On another note, I just found out I'm going to be an uncle again. Brandon and Shannyn popped the news that she was pregnant with a positive pregnancy test posted to facebook. On one hand, I should be really happy because I love being an uncle and I love my niece but on another, I'm terrified for them and for the baby because they are already having trouble with their current living situation and it looks like they could be on the streets in a month or two without any place to go but Shannyn's parent's which will just put them in a situation where I have to travel an hour or two away every time I want to see them or my niece and I've enjoyed going over, getting them both and going out and doing different things like going to the river to swim or just going to the park.

Having another baby is going to be so tough on them and there's nothing I can do to help other than go through with the plan on us becoming roommates but even that's on hold currently with everything going on and me needing to save money.

I think I'm going to have to move in with my dad either way which sucks for a number of reasons.
Last edited by Fang Espinoza on Tue Oct 24, 2017 8:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Anita "Fang" Espinoza

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