[M] Open Letters

POSTED: Tue May 03, 2016 1:35 pm

WARNING This thread may contain strong language and sensitive content. Reader discretion is advised.

Open Letters

This topic is a place to write "letters" or notes to sources of stress in your life as ranting, raving, venting, and getting some of your pent up aggression out can be a wonderful way to de-stress and move on. You are also welcome to write letters of encouragement and sympathy to fellow members.

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  • DO NOT use this topic to direct passive-aggressive messages to other members or the staff. If you have a problem with a member that you are not able to handle on your own, feel free to contact the administration. If you have a problem with the administration and are uncomfortable with approaching us directly, feel free to submit your concerns anonymously via Tumblr.
  • All posts to this thread are pruned approximately every three months -- nothing here is saved long-term! We recommend using a blogging/journal service if you wish to have a long-term archive of your thoughts.
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POSTED: Sun Nov 25, 2018 3:31 pm

Skoll Haskel wrote:Everything is overwhelming again and I have no one to blame but myself

2: electric boogaloo

TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN
THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN
SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN

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POSTED: Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:01 pm

I feel down and I have no reason to. I have a nice place to live. I have a nice job, sure some of the workers get on my nerves and the manager off loads her stress on to me constantly but that's pretty much the norm. I still love the job despite those things.

So why do I still struggle to do things creative like I want? Like drawing and writing. Every time I think I can do something I get to my computer and all the inspiration and motivation just...drain away.

I don't get it.

I'm so disappointed in myself.
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heya

POSTED: Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:11 pm

today I realized my mother is probably a lowkey narcissist and I spent all day doing nothing but processing this fact and reliving the ways I have had my mental health affected by her all these years. It did not end well and I ended up crying in the car. Now I'm numb, ate whipped cream, and have asked fiance to bring home wendy's and fries because I am emotionally numb.

5 dec
Mom called twice. I didn't answer. She called my fiance. I was upset. He comes home, i told him i was annoyed she did at and he snaps back that she is my parent and is just worried.

I hurt inside.

I'm so confused on how i feel. Am i justified to feel so bad, to be so anxious over this, guilty. Do i have a right to these resentments? Am i just whining? Spoiled? I don't know if it's okay for me to feel this way and it just makes my chest ache and my mind wander. My heart hurts because i hear of these parents who are awful but do i have a right to feel this way if i was never hit? I was never really yelled at. Am i so spoiled, so stuck up? I don't know how to feel and i just want to find a hole to disappear into. It's been two days of going over the things she said, did, that added up to scar me slowly. I don't know how intentional it was but I'm such a mess. I don't even want to tell Mike any of this because i don't feel i deserve to feel this way.
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POSTED: Mon Dec 10, 2018 1:35 pm

I have spent the last few weeks hating myself and everything I stand for. I feel weak, depressed, angry. But there's nothing I can do about it and there's absolutely nothing anyone can really do for me. I feel like I'm looking from the outside, in, most of the time and people who used to be friends have proven that they aren't anymore. I mean, I'm not asking anyone to prove anything and I know people go through rough patches but even I, when I haven't spoken to someone in a long time, message to see how they're doing and there's been a distinct lack of that in my opinion. I thought I was fitting in and that I actually found people who cared about what was going on but very few people have even asked how I was feeling and what was going on in my life.

I'm trying not to let the bad thoughts in, not to be dragged down to where I was a couple of years ago, trying not to let myself be defeated by my demons but it's hard as fuck when I don't have a support system or the one that I do have has it tough because there's nothing they can do to make me feel better. I miss feeling like I belong and that I don't have to prove myself. I miss being able to write words instead of wasting hours trying to just do one reply. I miss having an urge to do more than just lay in my bed and waste away day after day.

I think my dad's also noticed my depression is getting bad again. He's made a few attempts to reach out to me lately which surprises me since he normally doesn't but even that hasn't worked. Instead, I've cleaned my room, gotten rid of trash, tossed out an old desk I wasn't using. Stocked my mini-fridge with waters, readied all my medicines but my anti-depressant which obviously isn't working anymore. I drove to Walmart at two am, stayed there for two hours walking their aisles. There's nothing going right and I feel this void where there used to be a fullness and it is unquenchable and irredeemable and I just don't know what to do anymore but drive myself crazy and up the walls.

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POSTED: Tue Dec 11, 2018 4:32 pm

trigger warning maybe??? ?? ?????

I feel sick thinking about this and I don't know if I should mention to my therapist when I see her that I feel like I kind of got raped by my ex boyfriend because I don't feel like it even counts really but now i'm having a panic attack and my day was going really well wtf and everything bad that has happened this eyar is now kind of piling up in my head including my little brother trying to kill himself i need a nap holy moly what the fuckeroni
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POSTED: Wed Dec 12, 2018 10:55 am

You’ve been in a bad mental place for months and I’ve always been there, struggling to help every step of the way. I know I didn’t always help, but dammit I have my own stuff to deal with as well as yours and you’ve expressed yours with anger and bitterness that I’ve had to shoulder too. Now that you’re aware and working on your stuff, can’t I just have a week to be upset? Can’t I just be miserable, finally? Why do you get to have me helping you when you’re blaming me and mad at me when you can’t even listen to me being a grump in the morning because my cat is an ass?
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POSTED: Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:45 pm

stupid frail ass old lady you SHOULDN'T HAVE YOUR GIANT-ASS DOODLE, I have NO sympathy for you.
1) you can't fucking control her bc a strong wind could blow you over and your dog burst out of your grasp and tried to jump onto my grooming table which was occupied by an extremely concerned beagle who luckily didn't have the time to bite your dog's face off
2) you seem to think that taking your dog to the trainer is going to magically make her behave -- guess what, training classes are for the owner as much as the dog
3) you cry and get sooo upset when we have to spot shave mats out of your dog, but refuse to get a haircut for a length you can actually maintain
4) you apparently DON'T understand that mats FUCKING HURT and that you can't get rid of them by just YANKING THEM OUT WITH A FUCKING COMB when they're tight to the skin
5) "it hurts your dog to have mats" "it hurts me when i see her hair short / it hurts my wallet to get her groom" WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT YOU OLD CUNT

Your dog doesn't deserve you. She is a wild child, but that's only because you obviously don't know how to handle her. She's extremely sweet and would be a really good dog with an owner that actually understood how to take care of her properly. My coworker and I want to kidnap her and rename her Sigourney and give her cute haircuts of a reasonable length.

I hope she runs away (easy enough you can't HOLD ONTO HER) and someone nice finds her, but that will never happen. So until then I suppose we're in for a few more years of fighting with you every time you come into the salon.

Stupid bat.

TOP OF THE WORLD, BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN
THEY BUILT YOU UP AND BROKE YOU DOWN AGAIN
SO NOW YOU HOPE TO BEAT THE SURF IN

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Raze
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POSTED: Sun Dec 30, 2018 5:11 pm

Living in the background is a strange place. Your life is stagnant and the world spins without you. People blame you for not leaving the house but when you can, no one wants you around.

I could use all this time that nobody wants me on helping myself grow, but it's so hard to want to grow when no one wants anything to do with you.

I work a lot and I'm going no where. The GM isn't going to promote me and now she's fighting my transfer. I'm stuck in the mud and I'm not moving anywhere any time soon.
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POSTED: Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:32 pm

I am finally finished with all of the starters that I owed! it only took me 8 days Now SoSu really begins!
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