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Re: [M] Open Letters

Sun May 26, 2019 7:35 pm

I know it’s futile, and I shouldn’t care as much as I do. It kills me to know I’ll always be the second fiddle in your band.

Re: [M] Open Letters

Sun May 26, 2019 10:46 pm

sad deflated noises

Re: [M] Open Letters

Mon May 27, 2019 12:22 pm

Ha. Ha.

soft wheezing

casually watches all the friendships sail away

Re: [M] Open Letters

Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:25 pm

Yesterday, I saved a stunned, young dove from being possibly run over. Once I got it to a bush and it realized I was letting it go, it hopped off my hand and waddled off as if it had never been hit. A mockingbird serenaded me afterwards, hahahaha!

Today, I found a lost little dog while walking my two, snatched it up, and carried it around the apartment complex looking like some crazy dog lady with my two big dogs on their leashes on one arm and this chihuahua mix held up against my chest in the typical small-dog-hold. I eventually found its frantic owner and the little guy was returned home!

Let's see what gets "rescued" tomorrow, hahahahahahaha!

Re: [M] Open Letters

Tue Jun 25, 2019 1:46 am

I dont have anywhere else to go.

I just want to die.

Re: [M] Open Letters

Thu Jul 25, 2019 9:08 am

I was doing fine, but now I'm back to this constant generalized anxiety / dread / depression and I don't like it.

I need a break. I need a break from everything.

Re: [M] Open Letters

Sat Aug 03, 2019 9:01 am

-questioning sexuality intensifies-

thanks men in eyeliner

Re: [M] Open Letters

Mon Aug 05, 2019 8:19 pm

back to real life :upsidedown:

Re: [M] Open Letters

Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:10 pm

I’ve been trying to find a job for the last five months or so, and recently after a lot of pushing and not so subtle hints from my ‘boyfriend’, I finally got a job where he works. At a factory. I could tell right away that it would not work. I have mental health issues and that place would have made it worse. So I decided to leave before that happened.

He flipped out, saying that I should ‘stick it out’ for a while so that he can do WHAT HE WANTS (which is streaming video games) while I have the better job so I can likely support him. Last night he came in asking what kind of relationship I wanted because he doesn’t want to support me in any way, so if that’s what I am looking then I am shit outta luck. I realized then this relationship is toxic.

I need to get out, but I can’t without a job, but I have not had any luck so far in that front. Even his friend and roommate was guilt-tripping me, saying I would only be able to get factory because other jobs weren’t calling me back. I have only been applying to factories so far because everyone in this house (I have three roommates, my ‘boyfriend’ his friend and his friends’ fiance) has been saying I should work factory because it pays better, etc.

I just hate that the friend just…assumed I was already looking for food service and janitorial jobs (which I have experience in and I know I can handle for longer than a few days). I hate that I can’t talk to anyone in this house about it without causing some sort of drama shitstorm. I hate that these are the people who are supposed to be helping me out a little since I was already in a difficult situation before moving here, and they are causing me even more stress and anxiety and my depression is kicking in big time. I don’t know how to get help. I am at a loss as what to do besides try and still get a job and just kind of deal with my current situation…

I just wanted a break from all the stress, but I guess that was too much to ask and I gotta deal with that like the adult I am.

I just needed to kind of get this all out to vent. Sorry

Re: [M] Open Letters

Wed Aug 14, 2019 3:26 pm

Not to self; Don't make things for people anymore. It'll never be good enough.
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