Father I will always be that same girl who stood by the sea

Silvano

POSTED: Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:01 pm

OOC: WELL THIS IS NEW AND PAINFUL

IC:
Silvano had not come to see his eldest daughter since Kalypso – Abigail’s half-sister, something which was still strange and jarring to wrap her head around – had given them all the news of who her sire was. Unfortunately for the former King, the longer they went without clearing the air the sourer Abigail’s mood was. Infidelity to their Mother she would have been able to accept more easily than this cowardice she perceived as coming from her Father. In the end, Abigail had left her rooms to deliver a message to Silvano from her children. They were perhaps the only creatures left on earth she would do anything for.

He was a man grieving but so were they all. As a family they grieved Shiloh, and perhaps that was what kept Abi from going to the rooms once shared between the Dawnbringer and the King (neither of whom existed here anymore, she realised with a painful jolt) until her mood had levelled and her emotions had stopped flitting around. When Abigail’s mood had plateaued she was still far from bright. She didn’t stomp through the corridors of the Hotel but she didn’t move light-footed and bushy-tailed either. Instead she seemed to radiate a weariness which cloaked a woman who had seen two types of war.

And now Abigail knew, though she didn’t want to admit it, that she was preparing to wage her own war with words – war on the man who had welcomed her into his Kingdom, who had taught her to ride and gifted her his horse, who had trusted her with her rank. He just hadn’t trusted her enough to be honest with her. That was what stung; that was what blared in her mind as she stepped into the rooms her beloved parents had once shared. She thought she could still snatch faint hints of Shiloh’s scent. She was probably imagining it but it still hurt. It still fogged her vision.

“Your grandchildren have offered to keep you company,” she began. “They don’t understand what’s happened – why we all haven’t gone back to normal, even though Mistral is gone.” Abi frowned. “I’m not sure I know what normal is now.”

[300+]
AbigailSadira

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POSTED: Fri Feb 16, 2018 7:03 pm

We’re the only ones who know

It was a fair assumption that Silvano was avoiding his family. Usually capable of meeting things head on, the whole sordid affair left him reluctant to address anything. He was a man who was very tired of the life he lived. Being freed of the rank of King did ease his stress, but now he had nothing to distract him from the inevitable confrontations from his various children.

How disappointed in him they all must have been. Kalypso had been to see him briefly, apologizing, but he had sent her away with a shake of the head and reassurance that it was inevitable. She seemed a bit guilty about it, but that was likely just his imagination.

He sorted his wife’s possessions in the room they had once shared, that he now occupied alone. They had not really removed her things, but some had made their way into her children’s hands as mementoes of her life and of her love for them. He folded an old dress, undid it, and then folded it again. There was nothing to do about these things that he could not bear to remove.

Silvano knew his eldest daughter would come eventually. She came, too, armed with her grandchildren, and he only gazed at them sadly. Abigail was clearly in her own sort of crossroads, unsure of what the world was doing to her reality. She said the grandchildren had offered. Not her.

Setting aside the dress, the Ancien opened his arms to them as he slid to the floor, accepting their puppy embraces with love and something that was borderline teary.

Up he gazed at Abigail, feeling the pain his face likely expressed rather acutely. ”Normal changes all the time,” he said softly, carefully wrapping his good hand under a pup that pressed her face against his chest. ”Abigail,” he started softly, unsure what he could say to make things right. Nothing would, he figured. Nothing would make right what had happened to them all, and to the pain that was inevitably entirely his fault.

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POSTED: Tue Feb 20, 2018 12:32 pm

OOC: I'll just be over here crying kthx

IC:
The puppies ran to a man they still viewed as infallible, showering the former King with licks, wiggling their back ends excitedly. Abigail was glad of that, at least – glad that her children’s view of their Grandfather hadn’t been sullied by knowledge of the life he’d lived. They would learn it all one day, she was certain of that, but if she could hold off on that day being so soon after all the trauma and tragedy then she would.

When her sea green eyes fell upon the dress Silvano had been folding, Abigail felt a thump and a twinge in her heart which was somehow deeper than all the other pain that had made her heart its home.

She looked away from the material which had once clothed her Mother. Instead she looked down at the face she had only ever imagined herself looking up to. Silvano’s was the face of an aged and grief-stricken man. He, too, had been changed by this Winter, perhaps more than the rest of them. It was easier for the young to claw back their normality, Abigail thought. Or it was easier for them to weather the changes in themselves.

She nodded sad, cold agreement at her Father’s first words, but when he said her name, soft and warm, Abigail felt something inside her crack. It wasn’t enough to make the Archiduchessa wilt outwardly; it was just another shard of pain for her to bear. And she couldn’t let Silvano see it – not now. All she could do was stare.

“I was here the whole time,” she told him. “At your side, this whole time – before Ale came back, before Thyri joined the Court, before Serena and Gaia were even born, before-”

Before Shiloh left Vinátta.

Accusation had slipped into Abigail’s tone but still she didn’t pin the words on him – she only brushed around them with great care and great sadness.

“I was stupid and naive but I never thought trusting you would be either of those things. And still, after all this, I don't want it to be.”

[300+]
AbigailSadira

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POSTED: Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:25 pm

We’re the only ones who know

It was hard to imagine what his eldest daughter would have to say. It was difficult to even theorize what sort of things she would tell him, even in the presence of her two offspring. They latched on to him, unaware and oblivious to his shame as only the very young and naïve could be. They wanted his attention, which he gave them freely, despite the stern and solid look that Abigail gave him.

Somehow, he had no idea what she was going to say. Skoll had been easy to figure, since he would be mad and call him an idiot. Others had their own methods of addressing his indiscretion. Abigail had been by his side for long enough that her opinion would sting the most. She was his daughter in the end.

His throat closed in pain as he struggled to think. His brows furrowed as he moved his stump of an arm out of reach of puppy teeth and nails.

”Whatever mistakes I’ve made, they were never because of you and your siblings, or even your mother.” He was unsure what to say or what was even reasonable anymore. He sincerely doubted that Abigail would blame herself, but it felt right to try and reassure her of that fact. It had been all him and his inability to communicate properly with Shiloh. Had he said something sooner, perhaps they both would have avoided such an ending to their story.

”I always have been and always will be your father, Abigail,” he said softly, looking down from her cold stare, to the lively children that were in his lap. They listened to the conversation with some confusion, but how would they ever understand at their young age what a fool their grandfather had been?

SILVANO SADIRA
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POSTED: Sun Mar 04, 2018 3:33 pm

It was in Abigail’s nature to blame herself, to try to piece back together that which was broken. But in this instance there was no mending her family; no quick fix and no bringing back the Mother they had all needed at some point or another. It was strange and cruel how Abigail felt she needed Shiloh the most when she was gone forever. And now that she was gone, Abigail needed to know what she would say.

What would the Araedi say?

Abigail was sure that her Mother would’ve had words of wisdom to impart. She might have steadied her daughter, drawing her back from unleashing all her grief on Silvano now – but Abigail didn’t know that. She would never know what Shiloh would’ve said to comfort her children in her own absence. Maybe she hadn’t expected to be absent for years yet. Maybe.

“I know,” she said, trying to force the coldness from her tone. She didn’t want to be a Princess made of ice and steel and everything frigid. Abigail wanted back her warmth and understanding. She wanted to wind back the clock.

“You will always be my Father,” the woman agreed, watching sadly as her children clamoured for attention from their Grandpa. “You will always be my childrens’ Grandfather.”

Abigail’s hand almost shook as she pushed a curl back from her brow, behind one wilted ear. She had half forgotten what it was she’d come here to say – what had been behind the delivery of a visit from Cicely and Ajax. If she’d had questions she no longer knew if she wanted the answers.

“You were my hero, too. Perhaps for longer than you should’ve been.”

Abigail paused and pushed out a sigh. Her hand dropped to her wounded shoulder, fingers pressing close to the torn flesh. The wound itched.

“I don’t know if I’ll encourage my children to look up to you – to anyone - the way I did. Reality is hard and ugly but it’s nowhere near as painful as losing faith in your heroes.”

[341]
AbigailSadira

Let me light up the sky, light it up for you
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POSTED: Tue Mar 06, 2018 8:08 pm

We’re the only ones who know

It broke his heart to hear Abigail, long the eldest daughter and the perhaps not-so-subtle obvious favorite who had risen to rule beside him once upon a time. It broke his heart to hear her faith in him had been shattered, displaced, and made her question how to even view him. His heart ached for the misery he was causing and marveled that so much damage could have been done from being selfish a bit too strongly now and then in his life.

That’s all it was, selfishness getting in the way of his own beliefs, of his moral compass. He had wanted to taste a fruit that had been bittersweet, though it felt as though the taste was sour far long after the fruit was gone. Like a puckering flavor on the tongue, it stung. Silvano wondered if it all could have been avoided if he had never succumbed to himself. Kalypso and her brother would not be in the world, and his children would never lose their idealized version of himself.

But Silvano was a man, not a god. He was imperfect, as imperfect mortals could be.

”What you teach them is up to you; I can offer you nothing besides someone to watch them and tell them old stories. For what time I have left, at least,” he added with a grim smile, a macabre reality of his own mortality evident in the expression. He doubted that any of his children, angry at him as they might be, would want to think of their only remaining parent’s mortality after losing their mother.

SILVANO SADIRA
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