Sleep through the day

Lukos

POSTED: Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:46 am

crappy starter sorry ;p 500+

From time to time Auspicium recalled the events that lead to Anathema's fall, the bitter memory would linger in his head for whole hours before somehow fading away. Though many moons had passed the guilt he felt was exactly the same, his remorse still dragged him through the floor and tirelessly accused him of cowardice.

"You left them behind. You didn't do enough. You never do."

"You should have known war was bound to happen. You should have trained for the sake of everyone. Yet you turned a blind eye to it until the very end."

"You should be ashamed of yourself. Returning to them after failing to protect them? They should have left your sack of bones to rot."

"When the time of trouble comes you will put your tail between your legs again. You are a scaredy cat, even too much of a coward to do something about it."

But what could he do about it? What was he doing about it? No matter how much he trained it wouldn't bring Anathema back, he would have to live with the shame he felt about himself. He could only train for the present and whatever the future would be, it brought him a small sense of hope, but still, it wouldn't fix the guilt he felt about Anathema's fall.

Even feeling bad about what he didn't do made him feel bad. Many of his Anatheman brothers and sisters had lost loved ones or their own lives, they had lost what they built in Anathema over their entire lifetimes, some for even the lifetimes of their ancestors, and there he was feeling like he was the only one to have lost anything, the only one to place the blame on. He would walk around in no direction at all acting like he was the only one who got hurt, instead of just doing something about it.

It took no time for him to realize he was back in that place of inaction, but once again, what could he do about the past? nothing. Just think about it, yet no matter how much he thought about it, there was nothing he could ever change. Thinking wasn't acting. And even acting wouldn't change anything.

Meanwhile, the silver wolf was walking around in circles, letting his mind eat him away. Sometimes through his short stroll, he would get back in his tent and try to sleep, as it was late at night, but after rolling around in the old rags he used as a bed he would eventually go out again and do his rounds around the camp. This wasn't an unusual activity from him, except for the fact that this time he seemed a little too absorbed in his thoughts, too absorbed to be aware of his surroundings at all. He was on his way back to his little tent when he felt his path was interrupted by something. Correction, someone, he didn't walk into a tree like many times before, but into someone. Oh. Sorry. He simply muttered, about to continue with his train of thought.

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POSTED: Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:18 am

LUKOS
Even those who never frown eventually break down
  • Word Count: (000)
  • Date: Jul. 1
  • Place:Order Camp
  • Form: Optime
OOC:Hey, its better than my starters lately! And I think you did an excellent job with this.

With a strained grunt, the wolf pushed the door to the tower shut, happily keeping the heat of the furnace inside on this lovely summer's night. While a nice fire was usually welcome to warm his aged bones, he had only started to whiten around the muzzle and eyes, he wasn't a full fledged crone just yet. No, what he needed this night was some fresh air, and maybe a drink to wet his nose again.

With a calm wind to his back, Lukos padded softly past the assortment of tents, knowing that not all of their members shared his regular hours. The urge to find a good night's sleep was never a permanent thing, especially if a particular thought had been gnawing away at him, reminding him of some problem to be solved or question to be asked. Though on nights like these, it was more than likely a simple fact that he remained restless. And, in the wee hours of the night, one often finds interesting company.

For instance, as Lukos was walking in the direction of one of the lakes that surrounded them, a somewhat familiar face was roaming the campsite before taking a turn and roaming a bit more right in his direction. On a whim, Lukos stood where he was and remained completely still, wondering what the Initiate would do when he discovered the older wolf in the way. After a few scenarios play out through his head as Auspicium was advancing, the one unaccounted for stumbled right into him, a curious development in the grizzled vet's mind. Something about the way he absently bumped off him and mumbled an apology brought back fond memories. "By all means, excuse me." he said in a polite tone, standing to the side to allow the fellow member through before finding his voice.

"Forgive me for asking, but would you mind if an old man asked you why you're up at this hour?" Lukos tried to use his best 'not interrogating you but just genuinely wondering' voice, but even so, he hoped any weight he may hold now didn't spook the youngster. For the life of him, he couldn't remember interacting a great deal with this one, an oversight from his past lifestyle no doubt. It was no matter, however, as they were still both alive for conversing now. However fortunate or unfortunate that may be.

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