Act brave even when you're hurt

AW

POSTED: Sat Oct 12, 2019 6:47 pm

Word Count → 000 :: A spot of trouble for the precious bean boy!

Borya had been wound up quite tight emotionally, but he never really acknowledged it. His family was having enough issues at the moment. His young uncles were going through turmoil that caused one of them to run and the other to lose his spirit, his grandfather had lost his spark from all the stress and Borya felt like he could do nothing to help any of them. He was Borya, he was the small Hushhowl boy who had a dead arm and needed help doing even the simplest of tasks. Borya couldn't go and find Pushok, he couldn't prove to Temnota that he was worth so much more than he thought he was. And weak little Borya couldn't put a smile back on his grandpa's face and keep it there. There was so much Borya couldn't do that he didn't want to make himself another issue for the family to deal with.

So he'd remained silent about what happened that morning during training.

Trying to battle his inner thoughts, Borya had all but demanded Leoris help him train again. The man had tried to put it off by telling Borya the ground was still soaked from the recent rain storms and it might effect Borya's balance, but the young Hushhowl insisted he needed to get some training in before his First Blood. That had made Leoris even more hesitant, but he'd eventually given in and they spent the rest of the morning working on some simple exercises. It wasn't Leoris's fault at all. But as he made a slow swing towards Borya with the practice sword, the boy had decided to dodge it rather then parry. He'd hopped to the right, and the sand beneath him didn't support his new footing. Borya slipped, crashing down on his right side. Even though he landed in sand purposely used to soften falls, Borya was unfortunate enough to land at a bad angle, and to also possess a crippled arm that really shouldn't be fallen onto.

White hot pain erupted from Borya's right shoulder as he fell, making the Hushhowl boy black out for a second. When his senses came back to him, Leoris was leaning over him, eyes wide in concern. Since the Merchant hadn't said anything yet, Borya assumed he must have done so whilst he'd fainted. "I-I'm okay." Borya mumbled, even if he felt the opposite. His right arm felt as horrible as it had when he'd first shifted. From finger tip to shoulder, it was just a pulsing, constant pain.

"Borya, I can see the pain in your eyes, we should get you to Veri or Morty." Leoris answered, his voice lilted with concern still. Borya shook his head, trying his hardest not to wince as he got himself up. "N-no it's okay, I can take myself there, I'm sure you've wasted enough time with me already." Borya replied, beginning to move out of the training ring before Leoris even had time to respond.

Since then, Borya hadn't gone for help, he'd wandered around instead, avoiding eyes and hoping that the pain in his arm would die down on it's own. He didn't want to be a nuisance to the healer's; they'd done enough for Borya over the months in regards to his arm, so he didn't want to bother them anymore. He'd gotten out of the Fort, as far as the road leading to home. Perhaps in the den, Borya can hide under some blankets and hope after some rest his arm would be fine. But a wave of vertigo stopped Borya, and he clamped his left hand over his mouth to stop himself from being sick. After swallowing the bile, Borya took a few deep breaths and tried to find the will to continue walking home.

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Jazzy

POSTED: Sun Oct 13, 2019 4:50 pm

OOC :: Hi Jazzy, don't mind me~ <3
Words→ 365

Nayavota leaned back against an old elm tree and closed her eyes. With Lotai and Kjindrah fully weaned, she felt better about leaving them with her parents while she sparred; instead of returning home to fussing, anxious infants, she’d find well-fed, tired little boys. Naya tilted her head up toward the golden canopy and let dappled sunlight fall over her eyelids.

Borya had been training with Leoris when she left the Fort, and the pale knight wondered how he was doing. Beside “not well.”

Nayavota grimaced; it had been a moon since Pushok left the packlands, and they were all finding his absence harder and harder to cope with. If the young man had only run away for a few days, she’d have been worried, but understanding. If he had run away for only half a moon, she’d have been anxious, but relieved. Hell, if he walked out of the woods now, she’d be jumping for joy.

Instead, Pushok was still gone—and Nayavota was equal parts angry and distraught about it. Angry that Veri had scared him away with the truth, angry that Darkness hadn’t told them sooner, and angry that there was nothing she could do about it. Hartt was long dead, and Pushok thought it was all his fault.

The silver Officer sighed and looked up at the vast, blue-gray sky above her. She had managed to distract herself by preparing for the Hunter’s Feast, and had even had a great, mostly worry-free time during it. Now… Now all Naya had were her duties and her sons, and every time she looked at them she thought of Pushok. Of what she, or another packmate, might say to make them disappear one day.

A quiet, sickly-sounding noise caught Nayavota’s ear, and she leaned around the elm at her back. Her eyes widened as she spotted Borya, one hand covering his mouth as his chest rose and fell rapidly. Naya knew exactly what that face meant, after spending nearly two moons making it as often as possible. ”What’s wrong, Borya?” she asked, squeezing her walking stick nervously as she limped toward him.

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Alexander
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POSTED: Tue Nov 05, 2019 2:46 pm

Borya had already experienced the 'bad' days. No one had told him just how serious his arm would be to his growth, and to his life. To their credit, no one had expected it to be so bad. After his shift, Borya had been terrified of what his life would be like, with the constant ache of an arm that refused to move, unable to do even the most natural of things such as shifting because of his injury. But as the pain became manageable, Borya had given himself credit for still trying, and became determined to do something for his family and pack to prove himself useful. But this new pain in his shoulder was just a brutal reminder that the boy would probably live his whole life in pain. The miracle of Borya surviving his birth was balanced out by the curse he lived with.

But the boy didn't want anyone to know how he suffered, they had so much to deal with already and it wasn't something Borya wanted to add to. He couldn't bear the look on his mother's face if he told her just how much he hurt, knowing she'd blame herself for the circumstances of his birth. To think of how much more sorrow he'd give his grandfather if Darkness found out that Borya hadn't recovered as well as he'd hoped. Thoughts that made Borya feel as sick as the pulsing pain in his arm currently did. So he would keep quiet, he'd hide this pain like the many pains to come and make sure everyone didn't need to worry about him.

That was the plan, until a familiar voice called out to the boy, a voice of concern that almost made Borya break right there and then. "I-it's nothing, Naya..." Borya mumbled a reply, unable to look at his idol. "I'm just tired, g-gonna head home to rest."
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Jazzy

POSTED: Mon Nov 18, 2019 12:08 am

OOC :: Words→ 321

Nayavota raised an eyebrow, her lips pressed together in a thin, stern line; it paled in comparison to her mama’s ire, but she hadn’t had years of practice looking disappointed. Naya could tolerate a lot of things from Casa’s youngest members, if only because she barely felt like an adult herself, but lying about an illness or injury wasn’t one of them. At least when she’d been pregnant, she hadn’t pretended she was fine; she'd just blamed food poisoning for a moon.

”Borya, I am da last packmate you need to be lying to. What’s wrong, and why won’t you tell me?” The Officer asked, resting a hand on her hip. She wanted to say that lying about his health was dangerous, and that every knight in the pack had stories about why, but she knew Borya was already grappling with her stern expression. Honestly, Naya wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her upset with him; frustrated, maybe, but never upset.

Realizing this, Nayavota’s expression softened. ”You trust me, right?” she asked, reaching out to cup Borya’s cheek. He was so big now. ”No matter what happened, I’m not going to be upset or angry with you about it—I’m just worried.” Naya used their closeness to her advantage, sky blue eyes searching for any cuts or scrapes he might have received while training. He didn’t smell sick, despite his nauseated expression, which was good.

The Officer’s gaze wandered to his twisted arm. It hung limply, as usual, but he seemed to be tensing that shoulder more than the other. She knew just how bad it hurt to whack her club foot compared to her good one, but she kept her suspicions to herself; the last thing Naya needed was for him to lie to her again because he thought he had an easy way out.

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Alexander
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POSTED: Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:35 pm

Yellow eyes were wide, though they stared at the ground between the pair, refusing to meet Naya's eyes. Borya knew she'd look worried, hurt by his obvious lie, and the boy didn't want to see it. He couldn't cope with seeing it. The boy gritted his teeth together, his eyelids trembling as he tried hard to hold back tears, the flow of which would break any amount of control Borya had left of this situation. As much as Borya loved Naya as a role-model and a part of the family, right now the boy just wished she'd leave him be. Perhaps a small part of Borya, that young and vulnerable side, just wanted Naya to hold him and make the pain go away, but it was smothered by the desperate need to hide alone and stop everyone from worrying over him.

But Naya persisted, and Borya's walls weren't truly strong enough to stop her from reaching the truth. Pulses of pain rushing over his shoulder, causing his back to feel stiff and uncomfortable as well, distracted Borya for a moment until a hand was placed on his cheek. Finally, the boy looked to Naya, though it was only a passing glance to check what expression she held before his gaze dropped back to the floor. "T-that's why I don't... don't want to." Borya mumbled, his throat dry and voice squeaky enough to make the boy embarrassed. "Everyone a-always worries about me. I-if I'm hurt or upset or i-in danger. I just w-want it to stop, there's more important things to worry about then me."

A few tears swelled up in Borya's eyes as he admitted his problem, blurring his vision and making his breath tremble. Although the boy didn't outright explain the source of pain, his good arm found it's way to his shoulder, carefully cupping the joint to try and alleviate the pain.
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Jazzy

POSTED: Sun Dec 22, 2019 7:08 pm

OOC :: Words→ 314

Borya glanced up at Nayavota, golden eyes blown wide with fear and pain, and explained himself between shaky breaths. Her jaw dropped as he spoke, every “don’t worry about me,” and “it’s fine,” and “it doesn’t hurt” replaying in her mind; how many of those had been lies? How many times had he promised her that everything was okay, had promised his mother that everything was okay, just to make them happy? The thought made Naya sick to her stomach.

”Borya, dere is no one in Casa dat’s more important den you. I’m not more important den you, your mudder isn’t more important den you… Not even da Lune is more important den you. If you weren’t important enough for us to worry about, you wouldn’t be here right now—you’d be dead.” The Officer spoke softly, but her words were sobering. If Borya wasn’t important, if he didn’t matter, he wouldn’t have been allowed to survive.

That was how it worked in the North, after all. In harsher lands with smaller packs and in crumbling loner’s dens, broken children died to feed hungry mothers.

Nayavota placed a gentle hand on Borya’s bad shoulder. ”Did Leoris hit it? Did you fall?” she asked, pushing his fingers away as she cupped her palm over the aching joint. Naya didn’t dare move it; whatever had happened, it looked as painful as if Borya had set it on fire. ”Veri needs to give you someting for dis, before you take a knife to da whole ting.” Her voice rose and fell in jest, but something serious lurked underneath; if shifting had done this to her foot, she’d have cut it off.

And if it had done it to her whole leg… Gods, Nayavota didn’t even want to think about it.

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Alexander
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POSTED: Thu Dec 26, 2019 6:32 pm

OOC - <3

I want to take shelter but I'm ready, ready to fight.

Borya didn't say the words out loud, he didn't tell Naya how much agony he was in, how this wasn't the first time he'd felt such pain nor would it be the last. The best Borya could do was hold his shoulder with a touch so light a breeze could pass through the gap, and hope the tears he couldn't hold back was enough. But even though he hadn't even admitted he was hurt, already guilt was building up in his already unsteady stomach, knowing he'd worried and upset Naya by making her aware of his pain. Borya gulped, feeling even more embarrassed as he felt the fat tears fall down his cheeks, knowing he couldn't stop them now even he tried.

Naya's harsh words hit a chord with Borya, perhaps not the one Naya wanted them to hit. Maybe Borya should be dead, if Casa was a less peace loving and family-based pack, perhaps Borya would have been gotten rid of long ago, if not by death then at least abandonment. "H-how though? How can I-I be so... so important when I-I can't do anything. I can't h-help anyone else, even if I t-tried I'd just be in the way." Borya mumbled, trying not to raise his voice to risk any more sob-induced squeaks.

He sniffled as Naya asked about the injury itself, and Borya couldn't look up as he whispered: "F-fell." His eyelids twitched ever so slightly as Naya touched the tender wound. It was already burning with hellfire, so Naya didn't really add to it, her gentle pressure only reminded Borya of the agony. "S... so w-weak that even falling over is too much." Borya mumbled, catching a hold of his breathing so that he could slowly work on stopping his tears. "I-I just... don't want to be another tragedy for my f-family." Borya added, thinking of all the Hushhowl's had been through, deaths and loss that brought them all closer but also mocked them with the risk of further heartbreak should anyone else leave the family. Borya didn't want to think of what would happen if he would leave them too, as weak as he was that wasn't entirely impossible.

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Jazzy

POSTED: Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:35 am

OOC :: Words→ 758

Nayavota wiped away Borya’s tears away as quickly as she could, silver fingers smoothing over his gray cheeks. He was becoming such an incredible young man, a thought that made her feel as old as dirt. Now that she had sons of her own, it was hard not to look at Casa’s youth in a different, more maternal light. Naya felt responsible for them, for better or worse, and responsibility had always made her feel a little bit older.

The young Officer almost laughed at Borya’s words, like they were part of some ridiculous joke he was telling her. What was he talking about? He kept up with his chores at the Hushhowl camp, trained with Leoris whenever his mentor asked, and pored over the Fort’s small library like an amateur scholar; if Naya had time to work on them herself, she’d have already invited him to copy the older, more damaged books with her.

Whatever failed to compel her to laugh at Borya’s deepest, darkest anxieties disappeared when he described his injury. Nayavota moved her hand from his shoulder to his neck; maybe touching it was a bad idea right now. "I get it,” she said, her clubfoot aching sympathetically. Naya shifted her weight off of it and sighed. ”When I was your age, I hated hurting da broken parts of me, too—but tripping and falling didn’t mean we were weak.” She wiggled her twisted foot at Borya to make her point and cracked a smile.

We. They were unique in Casa, the only born-Cavaliers who were a little bit messed up from birth. It was different than needing a cane after an injury, or losing one’s senses with age, or an old scar growing tight over time; Naya and Borya had never known anything else.

Now it was time to address the rest of his delusions, the ones that seemed so crazy that she'd had to stop herself from laughing. The pale knight paused to think for a moment, but it didn't help her find the words. ”Borya… Borya you do help. You don’t shirk your responsibilities, even when you can, and you’re always trying to make your family proud. Dat’s more den… All Mudder, dat’s more den I can say for some of our packmates.” Not everyone took being a knight as seriously as he did, and some never would.

Nayavota sighed and cupped the Hushhowl boy’s face, tilting it up to look at her. ”I don’t know how to convince you dat you’re wort’ da world to us, Borya. I tink of you and den I tink of my sons, and I feel da same love,” she said, smoothing her hands over his cheeks like he was her own. Darkness had become her Russian second dad, which made Dusk kind of like a sister, which meant that Borya was basically her nephew; he was family in all but blood.

”I feel da same pride, da same hope, da same trust dat you’re becoming a strong, brave knight. And I don’t care if you’re strong here,” she said, squeezing the bicep of Borya’s good arm, ”or here.” She pulled her walking stick from the crook of her arm and poked his leg with it. ”I just need you to be strong here and here.” Naya pressed her hand to his chest first, silver fingers splayed out in white fur, and then touched the center of his forehead.

”I just need you to have a strong heart and a strong head, because dat’s all you need to train and defend yourself,” Naya said, wiggling her clubfoot again for emphasis. ”Would I be proud if you wanted to be da youngest Sworn in Casa’s history? Of course—but only if dat’s what you wanted. And I’d… I’d be proud if you just wanted to milk cows for da rest of your life, too.” It sounded like a joke almost, but her smile was earnest. As long as Borya was safe and happy, she'd be happy too.

Nayavota squeezed Borya’s good hand and wiggled her fingers around his. ”I promise,” she said, staring into the boy’s teary eyes. It sounded like an oath and she took it just as seriously. She would always be proud of him, because he was a good man.

A good man who'd been hiding an injured shoulder all day, but still.


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Alexander
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POSTED: Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:03 pm

OOC - Word Count: 578

I want to take shelter but I'm ready, ready to fight.

The feeling of youth hit Borya hard. He'd been doted on by his family from the moment he was born, for the miracle and tragedy that he was. The weak little pup that needed protecting, and felt like he needed it too. It was no one's fault, Borya encouraged the behaviour to treat him delicately by hugging everyone's shadow and only acting confident when he was happy. He'd never really felt the need to be brave until he'd shifted and felt real pain, and realised that one day his family would look to him to do more than just follow. Growing up scared Borya, it scared him because of his useless arm and it scared him because it meant he couldn't be the baby Hushhowl anymore.

Even now, deep into the pit of knowing pain and struggle, Borya just wanted to curl into the fur of those who cared for him and cry and cry until they made it better. Naya, Naya especially was the one Borya wanted to be soothed by. Borya loved to cuddle up to his family, hear the warm tones of his mother telling him he'd be alright, but nothing they could do for Borya would feel the same as what his idol could. Because she knew what his pain was, she understood it because of her own. She said as much in that moment, explaining how in her youth she'd been just as frustrated as Borya. Each word brought back the old Borya. The one who thought that maybe it was okay to be different. Maybe he could laugh off being a scrawny, crippled kid, because he knew what he could do.

And here was Naya, saying she didn't need him to be amazing at fighting, he didn't need to be strong like the Knights of Casa. He just needed to be himself, and be happy with what he could be. Part of Borya hoped he could cling to the words his idol was giving him, remember the feeling of her hands over his heart and head and try to keep the image in his mind that he only needed to keep those points strong to be useful to the pack. He wasn't weak, he wasn't weak... Borya's face twisted as his shoulder reminded him what damage had been done there. His tears of despair were gone in place of ones of genuine pain, and the boy looked to Naya with a pleading look.

He sniffed loudly, an ugly mix of snot going back up his nose as he glanced to the ground. "I-I want to be that... s-someone to be proud of... b-but what if the pack is i-in danger? W-what if I get.. get t-targeted because I-I look weak? You... you w-would be put in d-danger because of me. I-I wouldn't be a-able to help." Borya took a deep breath, catching himself before he was set off on another panic. He shook his head, trying to rid the thoughts himself before Naya helped settle his nerves. The jolt of his neck caused agony in his back and shoulder, forcing Borya to pull his free hand over his bad arm again, hissing the pain out of his lips.

"D-does... does your f-foot ever hurt y-you?" Borya mumbled, pain-hazed eyes looking to his idol.

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