Lift us up to Fall

POSTED: Wed Nov 28, 2012 3:32 pm

just one please, :)

Guidance was something Anu did not search for often. It was normally others that sought her out for advice, when she had been a leader. Times had changed and so had her path in life. Still she could not help but look back on that part of her life, it had been such a long and important part of her that she did not know how to simply forget. To be wandering and lost was not like a leader and so as she walked slowly to the grove of trees she did not feel like herself completely.

Anu had not ventured to the sacred lands, always skirting around them and looking from a distance. She had been drawn to them since her acceptance, as the forest always called her name. A place held with such high regard spoke to her even louder. Weakened by her insecurity she followed the sound and stepped into the woodland slowly.

They said it was a place of power, where a spirit hid among the trunks. Anu looked around, her blue eyes washing slowly over each tree. She always held a deep connection with the wooden brethren, and she searched for the difference among the Sacred Grove. It was peaceful, and an enchantment could be felt while she lingered beyond the outer trees.

Walking slowly the Optime figure stepped gently and silently. She breathed heavily, hands folded at her waist. Anu had always believed in the power of reflection and meditation, and it seemed that she had found the perfect place to do just that.

Anu

User avatar
Alli
Luperci Someone loves you! a fair golden Sun brought life to my soul
The sun is but...
a morning star.

ashes and wine
burn out brighter

POSTED: Thu Nov 29, 2012 1:16 am

OOC: can't resissst, hope you don't mind!
WC: 581

    Things had been quiet of late. Colibri was content to spend all of her time with her growing daughters, gradually teaching them about the world around them. They were old enough to speak now, to hold brief conversations and to ask questions when something held their interest. Their eyes had changed as well, and all three held a different shade when they stared up at her, waiting for each answer. Fiora mirrored the same soft blue as Coli, and Florina had a curious shade of silver, some echo of a generation long forgotten. (Conor and Emwe had silver eyes too, hadn't they? Those days felt so long ago...) But it was Farina, the largest pup, that she felt unsettled by -- her eyes grew darker by the day, nearing the same pitch-black hue of her sire. Her black fur resembled him as well, and Coli could only hope the girl would outgrow her aggressive tendencies, that she would not emulate his violence.

    Coli still didn't know what she would tell them if they asked her about their father. She didn't want to lie to her little flowers, but it was a harsh truth, and she did want to spare their innocence. She remembered well the haunted look in young Haven Aatte's gaze that day they met in the city, sharing a drink while lamenting their origins. She wouldn't wish that pain and doubt on her daughters. That was the reason she was bringing them to the Sacred Grove today; perhaps they would run into Miskunn, and the Godja could share a tale from the Norse religion. Even if it didn't provide an answer to the dilemma, the pups loved hearing about the myths and lore surrounding the pendants they wore. She was hoping, though, that there would be some fable she could appropriate, at least for the time being.

    Coli moved quietly through the trees, pausing only to make sure all three wolfdogs were still gamboling about her feet. The girls had a habit of straying off lately, which worried her despite knowing she needed to give them more freedom to explore. The atmosphere of the grove kept them remarkably quiet and well-behaved today, though. Perhaps they remembered being present at the Winternights ceremony, a solemn occasion. She raised a hand to absentmindedly brush the strands of hair from her eyes, when she caught sight of a fleeting figure nearby, muted grey like a wisp of smoke. It was not Miskunn. One by one the puppies noticed someone was nearby and raised their snouts to catch the scent, making sure it was a packmate like their mother had taught them. Coli swallowed hard as the faint scent reached her, and her ears fell back, a slight tremor causing her hands to tremble. She knew exactly who it was.

    "...Oh," was all she could say. Should she turn around? But her daughters, she had promised to let them see the big white walnut tree, the one their Frithr pendants had been carved from. They would demand an explanation if she told them it was time to leave, and this too she did not relish explaining to them. No, she needed to stand her ground, to make up for her breakdown before. Besides, she wanted Anu to meet her girls, no matter how painful it was to linger in the once-Dreamer's presence. She rubbed her arms anxiously as she stood in place, fearful of what reception she and her meager family would receive.


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Miyu
Luperci Gardener + Apothecary Mate to Niernan
Colibri perennial gardener memories of dahlias
caught in a sunbeam
eyes in the clouds

POSTED: Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:36 am

love it! ;)

The forest was doing good work on the lithe woman. She listened to the silence, the soft murmurs of the distance clouded by her steady breathing. Anu had only just reached the tall pallid tree; it’s branches bare and ghostly. It stood in the distance, lingering like a statue made of quartz or granite. But it hummed with life. Anu did not rush to it, only raising her foot paws a bit more hastily as if she worried that the creature would uproot and run if she startled it.

Yet something caused her to pause in her step, ears turned back to catch the sound. Though instinct yelled for her to Anu did not turn to take in the scent the lingered behind her, instead she simply returned her focus to the path before her. Anu took the last remaining steps that brought her to white trees roots and it was only then that she allowed herself to accept the scent of her other packmates into her nose. It startled Anu despite the great pease this place gave her. Though she had wanted time to reflect in the glen it seemed that the trees had another plan for her. Blue eyes looked to the sacred tree, who’s presence had not doubt been the cause of the small woodlands consecration, and it stared back at her in silence.

Anu sat by the base of the tree, and waited. Like the pale truck of the proud walnut she remained still and waited to accept any that wished to be in her presence. Anu had learned time and time again that it benefited to simply be still rather then to collide head on with those that caused chaos.

Anu

User avatar
Alli
Luperci Someone loves you! a fair golden Sun brought life to my soul
The sun is but...
a morning star.

ashes and wine
burn out brighter

POSTED: Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:02 am

<3!
WC: 431

    Anu did not turn to face her. Colibri found herself gazing longingly at the slender grey figure, drinking in the moments where she was allowed to stare and no one else could see her do so. It was pathetic the way she pined for what she could not have; she knew it full well, but she was unable to accept it. After allowing herself to love so deeply, how was she supposed to shut down that part of her? No one had ever moved her the way Anu had, so completely and helplessly. She was tired of hurting, the ache in her chest blossoming fresh with each breath, each tendril of the sweet scent reminding Coli of the intimacy they once shared. Nothing made the hurt go away, not even her children, although she dared not admit that to Lilin. She loved them as only a mother could, but there would always be conflict in her, and it was not enough to heal her heart.

    Tayui's scent was there too, and a dark look crossed Coli's face, sullen and irritated that now she had a name to go along with the perfume. Of course she was jealous, there was no way around that. It was easier when she thought Anu too was alone, that Anu was too good for anyone of this earthly plane. Knowing she had again taken a mate, the title Colibri had never attained... Resentment was a mild word for it. Not that it was Tayui's fault, exactly, she was just... in the way. She frowned, and finally tore her eyes away from Anu's back, struck again by the notion that the wolfess was smaller than Coli remembered her.

    Her daughters grew bored of standing in place, and the bolder sisters moved through the trees with tails wagging, eager to introduce themselves to their packmate. Coli swallowed hard, wanting to call them back, but unsure of why it made her so anxious. Perhaps she was afraid Anu would see something flawed in them their mother could not. Coli knelt to pick up Fiora in her arms; her smallest child always stayed near her, and she indulged the girl's shyness, holding her close to her heart for comfort. It was not much comfort now, though, with the anticipation causing her heart to hammer painfully against her ribs. "'Lo, I'm Flori," called Florina, bounding up to peer at the seated woman with bright silver eyes. Farina charged forward, pushing at her sibling in an attempt to gain more attention. "Who are you?" the black pup demanded, sniffing curiously at her.


User avatar
Miyu
Luperci Gardener + Apothecary Mate to Niernan
Colibri perennial gardener memories of dahlias
caught in a sunbeam
eyes in the clouds

POSTED: Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:17 am

Seconds seemed longer then normal, time lapsing oddly in more natural place. Anu felt the difference here, it was odd in a way, but she could never consider it to be unnatural. It was far more primitive then any other place, she imagined that time would certainly be slower the more archaic the space around her was.

She could not help but wonder if Colibri Haki would make herself known or if she would scuttle away as seemed to be her habit, but the woman refused to let it be her only thought. As she sat there was something else that filled her mind and it was far more dominant and the reason for her seeking seclusion and reflection.

Tayui was pregnant, and the two women would be mothers once more. The conversation that she and her mate had had seemed like a lifetime ago and yet the conception felt so swift. Excitement and anxiety battled inside her chest, and Anu did not know exactly how she was to feel. Worried what her mate might think if she expressed her jitters Anu had come to the grove to work it through her mind and heart. Excitement as the hopeful victor.

The world was not quiet for long, nor did she need to use much patience in the matter of the Haki’s. Two puppies came running up to the silvery wolfess, their eyes and bodies watching and smelling as they spoke of their curiosity towards the unknown elder. The lighter tinted one spoke her name, and Anu smiled. Before she could reply (though Anu was normally slow in her response) a second pup came forward. Speaking a question that was a bit too blunt for the woman.

Blue eyes looked back at Flori, her smile returning as it had been scared away by the darker girl’s tone. Hello Flori, I am Anu. Blue eyes went back to the black painted wolf dog puppy, And what is your name? She questioned.

Anu

User avatar
Alli
Luperci Someone loves you! a fair golden Sun brought life to my soul
The sun is but...
a morning star.

ashes and wine
burn out brighter

POSTED: Sun Dec 09, 2012 4:16 am

WC: 625

    Hesitantly, Coli closed the distance between them, her careful steps nearly silent as she edged closer to the sacred tree and the divine spirit nestled at its roots. She wasn't strong enough to sit down next to her, so Coli chose to seat herself nearby, still safely outside of eye contact. The forest floor was cold, the carpet of fallen leaves and pine needles a colorful barrier against the soil. Gently she set Fiora down next to her, then took a moment to smooth her clammy palms against her fur. Gods, she was so nervous. "Name's F'reena," the black wolfdog piped up, crinkling her nose as she sniffed at this new packmate. Her cream-hued sister puffed out her chest and called boldly, "'Lo Anu! We inna grove." Her tail waved, proud of her vocabulary. Farina nipped at Florina's tail, and in an instant, the two pups were chasing each other noisily through the leaves. The third child hovered nearby, blue eyes wide and anxious, not unlike her mother's.

    "Florina, Farina, and Fiora," Coli quietly corrected for Anu's benefit. The names were pretty, flowery, and without significance. It had taken days for the new mother to come up with them, finally deciding that they deserved names they would write their own story with, instead of borrowing the names of relatives and friends past. Like Colibri, tying her to a grandmother she never met. Coli knew Anu had chosen the names of trees for her sons, and knew what a personal wish that had been. She never met a wolf more in tune with trees than Anu, whether they be the apple trees of her beloved orchard, or the Sacred Grove she had only just become acquainted with. Coli herself had felt rejected by the grove at first, whatever ancient energy gathered here repelling her until the night she accepted the scar rune on her chest.

    It was a little easier to breathe this time. Without the shock spurring her into negativity, she could take the time to think before she spoke, and hopefully this encounter would not be as painful as the last. But... she didn't know what it was she wanted to say. She missed the friendship they used to share, two kindred spirits in nature, bonding over gardens and blossoms and a battered old tea kettle. The dissonance between them now was palpable, making Coli almost queasy. An apology wouldn't make it better, though, because while their words had been harsh, none of them were untrue. Her secret, most selfish desire was for Anu to choose her over Tayui, and that just wasn't going to happen. Anu had long ago chosen Gabriel de le Poer over her, before she had even left. She could expect no more.

    Coli stroked Fiora's soft fur as the smallest pup leaned against her. "If... you visit the communal gardens..." she began tentatively, then bit her tongue. No, it needed to be said, she couldn't back down. "You'll find a f-few apple saplings. It's hardly an orchard, but... th-they are from, um, Crimson Dreams." She swallowed, staring down at her hands. Cassia had helped her take cuttings, and Coli had gathered sprouts in the late spring, intent on having a link to her past here in her new home. It felt almost like stealing at the time, even though the lands were deserted, and now she felt obligated to be truthful in the presence of the orchard's loving mother. A part of her expected Anu to react in disgust, angered that her life's work had been defiled by one such as Colibri. The sentimental side of her had always imagined Anu returning to find her, and recognizing the trees for what they were... a wish. It seemed shameful now.


User avatar
Miyu
Luperci Gardener + Apothecary Mate to Niernan
Colibri perennial gardener memories of dahlias
caught in a sunbeam
eyes in the clouds

POSTED: Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:37 pm

The darkest of the pups replied without hesitation, giving her a name mixed with the accent of puppish talk. Eyes then went to the lighter child as she spoke of the place that they visited. Hmmm, yes we are. Anu replied, giving a slight nod. Freena then pounced at her sister and the two went running off for a game of tag. The elder straightened her back as she watched them go.

A soft familiar tone spoke, directing her attention back to the mother of the two girls she had met. She nodded, knowing now the true pronunciation of the dark hybrid’s call-name. The third pup, Fiora, that had not come to Anu lingered close to her dam. The look in her small eyes reminded Anu greatly of her mother. Perhaps the others got their outgoing nature from their father, whomever that might be and a meaningless matter to the wolfess. Or they got it from what had been killed inside Colbri by all of the rapists and abusers of her life.

The world around them was silent, Anu allowed it to continue after the Sannindi spoke so that they could enjoy the noises of playing puppies and the intermittent silence of the grove. The mother coddled the smallest of the pups, as she broke the serenity. Anu looked to her, interested in what she had to say. The woman did not know how to feel when Colibri spoke of the trees, and when she spoke of Crimson Dreams. The part of her world that was supposed to be done and dead, just as her relationship with Colibri, was arising once more and by the same hand that brought her such confusion and bitterness.

They will need tending, and coverage for the winter. I will visit them soon. Was all that she said, mind working through the mechanics of the sapling transplanting rather then the emotions that would be so wrapped up into them. When she was not angry nor saddened Anu added, So you returned there? I’m sure you were surprised. Or maybe she hadn’t been shocked to see that not everything and everyone would wait for her, and when she was ready to come out of hiding. Anu turned her gaze to the limbs that hung above, searching for serenity and freedom from bitterness.

Anu

User avatar
Alli
Luperci Someone loves you! a fair golden Sun brought life to my soul
The sun is but...
a morning star.

ashes and wine
burn out brighter

POSTED: Mon Dec 10, 2012 5:46 pm

WC: 743

    The sound of puppy growls drew Coli's attention briefly; Farina and Florina had found a stick, and were wrestling to claim possession of it. They were equally matched between Fari's size and Flori's determination, so their rivalry soon dissolved into a tugging war. Relieved, the mother swallowed, listening intently to the tranquil forest and the scuffling of her children as they frolicked in it. She wondered idly if Miskunn was nearby listening as well, for the Godja seemed to haunt this place and was never far from the Horgr shrines.

    After Coli spoke her piece, Anu turned to look at her. Coli did not meet her gaze, but could feel it piercing through her, eliciting a faint shiver of dread down her spine. The words weren't angry, though. They were merely dutiful, as Anu felt obligated to give every plant a chance to survive the winter. Of course Coli had already begun mulching with leaves and loam to protect the fragile things from frost, but she said nothing, hoping Anu really would visit them. She felt frozen in place by the question that followed, and what it implied. Did Anu really think she had never entertained the idea of coming back? She regretted leaving more than any other mistake in her life, but what good would staying have done? If it wasn't Gabriel, or Tayui, there would always be someone else, because Coli wasn't enough. The brief flicker of defensive anger faded into despondency, and she felt moved enough to speak.

    "When I met Alder, he... encouraged me to return, and... well... he believed you would forgive me. But I knew better, so I didn't. Not for a long while." The dull words came tumbling quickly, and she bit her lip, trying to reign them in and control them. The atmosphere of the grove, the presence of Anu, it urged her to bare her soul and finally relieve the weight she had been carrying. But getting emotional would leave them in the same mess as last time, before the hurricane. Her head was bowed, eyes closed as she willed herself to continue with just a little more. "When I did come back... it was mere days too late. I was... well, it was..." She struggled to find the proper word, and sighed, shaking her head. Shock, disappointment, concern for their safety... Surely Anu didn't want to relive that either. And Dahlia de Mai had vanished a long time ago, but that hurt was fresh for her as well. "I had nowhere else to go, so I followed Lilin to the north and we founded Vinátta. I n... never thought I would see you again."

    So I collected flowers and trees to remind me of you. She was still stroking Fiora's head, and the pup was growing calmer, resting her face atop her mother's knee. Coli would never have become a mother if she hadn't given up on the remnants of Crimson Dreams and gone north, she was certain of that. She couldn't trade that, not her beautiful little daughters, not even if it meant feeling hope again. But... what she would have given to not do this by herself? The battery of emotions she had struggled through before their birth -- if not for Lilin's support and Saul's assistance, she would have been irreparably broken. It was still a fine line she tread upon, the effort it took to put on a brave face for her packmates.

    To be a parent with Anu at her side, like she had naively dreamed of the day Savina's second litter was born, if that could ever be a reality... Well, even if she had stayed, Anu would not have accepted Coli as a parent to her tree-sons, and she would not have been mature enough to love them for as long as she saw their conception as unfaithfulness. She wondered, though, if she had tracked Anu down as soon as she learned the Dreamers had disbanded, would she have gotten there before Tayui happened? Colibri was a coward, and a great many other things, but she was too stubborn to just stop caring. She couldn't very well ask about Tayui, but the dark, jealous part of her whispered that the battered old crone with the tatty ears couldn't possibly love her as much as Colibri still did. She just didn't want to give up on a happy ending no matter how fractured their relationship became.


User avatar
Miyu
Luperci Gardener + Apothecary Mate to Niernan
Colibri perennial gardener memories of dahlias
caught in a sunbeam
eyes in the clouds

POSTED: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:06 am

Anu had thought a lot of things. She was never so engrossed in meaningless things that her mind could be shut down completely. It was her nature to sit and think, to reflect and come to understandings. And so she had thought long and hard and she had perhaps thought too much. Her mind was tired and it was experienced, and she knew that Colibri was lost to her. They could sit and speak with civil tones and as pack mates, but that was as much as Anu would ask of her. And as much as she was willing to give. Her eyes glanced at the tree limbs for only a moment, gathering what they needed and her mind reminding it’s more emotional facets that they had traveled far and long down the dark path of Colibri Haki and it was not worth venturing there again.

The earthen woman replied, and Anu had forgotten that Colibri had met Alder. Her son had been right, he knew his mother well. If Colibri had returned to Crimson Dreams she would have forgiven her, Anu played the act out in her mind. The reunion would have been very different then when they had run into one another here. Their lives could have been different. Not better or worse, but different. But, Coli was right… it was too late. Too late to change the past and to imagine what it could have been. Her life was now something it couldn’t have ever been as a leader of Crimson Dreams, and her happiness was now more then she had ever known.

Fate always has a different plan for us. Anu replied, even giving the younger female a small forced smile. Nothing happened as planned, and it was better to accept that truth rather then fight it. Everything happened for a reason, and if Crimson Dreams had not died she would never have met Tayui again and she would not be carrying puppies that Anu was destined to mother. Paths change despite our wishes, and they cross uncontrollably. I thought the same; you were gone forever. Once that had made Anu sadder then she could control, and it would be just a moment or two before she succumbed to tears. Time healed those wounds, wars showed what was most important in life, scars left that reminder and then others left and disappointed and she had been taught that everything ended. She spoke it on the border of matter-a-factly, for she had thought about this more then she had ever wanted to.

The difference from the ‘what could have been’ and the ‘now’ was substantial. It was the matter of confidence and faith. Anu knew that Tayui would never leave her, she knew that desertion was not an option. Running away was beneath either of them and facing the hardships of life would be done side by side. If she and Colibri had met before Crimson Dream’s disbandment then Anu would be still living with the same questions and worries. Things are better the way they are, here and now. Tayui’s swollen belly, the three girls that Colibri had and the pack lands that surrounded them… it was for the best that things happened the way they did.

Anu

User avatar
Alli
Luperci Someone loves you! a fair golden Sun brought life to my soul
The sun is but...
a morning star.

ashes and wine
burn out brighter

POSTED: Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:57 am

WC: 705

    She was tired of hurting for Anu. The dismal ache refused to leave her, and the best she could do was ignore it, as she had done since the day she fled Crimson Dreams and ran west until her paws bled. Time would have healed all wounds if she had let it, but instead Colibri had buried the emotions to fester, and refused to dredge them up until she was forced to recently. Sadly she knew perfectly well that Anu never meant to hurt her; the once Dreamer held so much power over her, perhaps she did not even realize how she still affected Colibri. Huddled there on the forest floor, head bowed in submission, still yearning for her approval and acceptance. It was pathetic, but she just couldn't help herself. If only Anu weren't so cold to her now.

    Cautiously she raised her face and saw that Anu was still looking at her, a pitying, insincere smile on her muzzle. Coli abruptly turned away before she could react. She didn't want to fake it in return, and it stung to see such an expression on such a normally genuine person. "I don't know if she... Tayui... mentioned that we met, but... I didn't mean to be rude. J-just kinda... started off wrong." It was as close as she could get to an apology, and the words tasted like ash. Remembering the white wolf again made her glare at the ground, sullen and obstinate. She noticed after a moment little Fiora was staring at her, and her hard expression softened. She gently scooped the child into her lap, letting the wolfdog settle her head on her thigh. She knew she shouldn't indulge the girl's shyness so freely, but it was hard to resist a soul that needed comfort as much as she did. Her other daughters were already so independent they did not want their mother's help with anything, and in a strange way she was disheartened by their bravery. At least she didn't have to worry about them turning out like her, which honestly was a relief.

    She mulled over the woman's words in silence, hearing the truth that resonated from them. It wasn't meant to be. Coli believed in fate the same way Anu did, but had a habit of daydreaming as well, easily picturing what they could have had. "I wanted to be gone forever because I knew this, this, would happen if I came back," she admitted bitterly, gesturing at the space between them. The tension, the mistrust, the unbearable disharmony. She would have confronted Anu after the birth of her sons if she had the nerve for conflict, but she did not, so she left everything unfinished and never wanted to face the results. Wasn't it easier for both of them? "But fate did have other plans," she whispered in defeat. Coli unwillingly found her way back to the northeastern coast, and like magic Anu was her packmate again, only this time with another lover on her arm. Even when she gave up on looking for Anu, the woman found her way back into her life. She wanted to stop caring, to just focus on motherhood and Vinátta and the friendships she had forged here, but... this dependency preceded all of them, undermined them. It seemed no one could understand the addiction she had formed, or how it consumed her. It wouldn't be unhealthy if Anu loved her back, but like she said, fate intervened.

    "Things are better the way they are now," she repeated slowly as though trying to convince herself, staring up at the branches of the white walnut tree. "This place is more of a home than any other. My children will grow up here. I... I won't ever leave this place." She exhaled slowly, then chanced a glance at Anu. Did that mean anything to her packmate? A promise that Colibri Haki would never desert this pack. If Anu ever saw it in her heart to forgive the one who left her, she would be there waiting no matter how long it took. She closed her eyes then, knowing she didn't have to courage to ever say that aloud, and hear the inevitable rejection. Tayui.

User avatar
Miyu
Luperci Gardener + Apothecary Mate to Niernan
Colibri perennial gardener memories of dahlias
caught in a sunbeam
eyes in the clouds

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