Heaven if you sent us down, for every mother and every child


POSTED: Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:29 pm

я буду звездой

The aftermath was poignant. Those wounds were only part of the pain, the most hurt was in the eyes of those he loved dearly, and those horrible lies that dripped from their tongues. Words, intended to make him feel better but they held no truth to them. The Truth was that Temnota had failed, and failed badly and no false words would create a better picture of this.

Upon its conclusion, Temnota dropped his sword, to never pick it up again. This weapon was not for him.

He hadn't been able to look Veri in the face, never mind his father. Hiding away from them all, Temnota tried to come to grips with his own failure.

Pushok was the one who dragged Temnota out from his self contained bubble, and forced him to come out into the light. His title was Recruit now, whereas Push was a Second Cadet. The difference smarted his pride.

Tem learned though, that to be adult was to face things you didn't want to. So, with Pushok all but shoving at his back, he approached Ma Veri's door and knocked. If he could apologize to her, and receive something in return then maybe it could be okay.

Maybe the golden woman had been ready to leave anyway, for she had her medicine bag with her when she opened the door. All of his gifts dotting its front, seashells and stones, leather flowers and little bones.

He choked on his words, mouth working. Finally looking upwards and there was that shadow caught behind her eyes, staining and straining.

A final stone cast, his glass house shattered all to pieces.

Everything broke open wide for him then, for as long as he could remember. What had he ever done that was so heinous? What crime was worth the pain in his chest, worth the sorrow in her eyes.

Unbidden the heat rushed forwards, filling his eyes and overflowing them all in an instant. Brokenly, Temnota began to sob, horrified at himself and this entire experience.

"Vhat did I d..deu!?" He spluttered, asking for a reason where he could find none in his own self. He couldn't remember what it was he had done.

"Vhy ahre y..yeu looek at me l...leik that!? Alvays..." Even in his hazy early memories, he could see it, feel the heaviness it set upon him.

"Vhat else c..cahn I deu? I haev giev yeu g..giefts!" Tem pointed, through his tears and sobs, at the decorations on her medicine bag. Each and every piece a child's attempt at recompense.

"Tiell me, pliease.. I vant to fix." He wiped his sodden cheeks, aware of the spectacle he was making of himself, but there was no stopping any of this now.

Dated 9/10 | PP of Pushok approved by Dark [wc —000] template by hilli
Temnota Hushhowl
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POSTED: Sun Sep 15, 2019 2:48 am

OOC I almost cried at work from this, I hope you're proud of this. TwT/WC - 000

It hadn't been easy to watch her protege struggle through his First Blood. With every moment he flailed, her heart constricted further and further until she could barely breathe. To top it off, she'd almost missed it too, held back by personal errands here and there until it'd almost been too late.

After her arrival, things hadn't gotten much better. In fact, they seemed to get worse, until finally the match was called with Starlight as the victor. She didn't get the chance to approach Temnota and say anything to him, he fled from the arena as quickly as he could, his sword discarded in the midst of the combat square.

She'd retrieved it from where it'd fallen and actually kept it, tucked away protectively in the corner of the bedroom in her house. Since that day, any attempt to contact her former apprentice were thwarted, not because he turned her away but rather he simply couldn't be found. She'd catch whiffs of his scent, but no more.

Veri had, indeed, been preparing to leave her home when the sound of a fist against her door rotated her ears. Thinking whoever it was could walk with her as she departed to the gardens, she picked up her medicine pack as she turned the handle. Standing on the other side of her doorway, however, was two of the last figures she'd ever expected at that moment. She stopped, frozen, her expression caught between surprise and her own pained guilt. Little did she knew, it was the last straw that shattered Temnota's fragile glass heart.

His eyes overflowed with tears in seconds, alarming the motherly medic so she dropped her bag and it thumped to the ground, all of its precios decorations clinking against one another briefly. She reached forward to the trembling boy before her, glancing to his brother for an explnation, only to be brought up short when he blubbered his first question.

Slowly, with gradually growing horror, she lifted a mismatched blue half-blind gaze to meet his glistening bi-colored orbs. All breath stopped in her chest, aching in her lungs as the whole world grew distant, blurry and shimmery all at once. He couldn't know. He...he couldn't.

But the longer he spoke, and sobbed, the more her heart wrenched with guilt. He'd seen. Despite all of her attempts, she thought she'd been so good at hiding it from him....but she'd only been driving her own nails of pain into his fragile self. Tears enveloped her own eyes, spilling down her cheeks at the same rate as his own.

"Oh...Tem..." she choked quietly, her voice rasping with the pain she'd dealt to him. Could she do nothing right by these boys? Had Pushok seen through her too, and never said? She looked at him, but he seemed simply stunned. Oh, Fenris, what had she done? Cream fingers clasped with iron strength onto the dark shaking shoulders, grounding her former apprentice to the now.

"Tem, my darling boy, you have done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing, do you hear me?" her voice broke from raw emotion, and her grip trembled upon his shoulders. "You are perfect and beautiful and so, so strong, and patient and kind. Your mother..." she choked, her mouth working but unable to give any sound for several seconds. "Your mother would be so proud of you, Temnota Hushhowl. And that is a promise I will take to my grave."

Veri's eyes closed, her face crumpling under the weight of her guilt, the pain she'd carried in her being ever since the boys had been born. Her head fell, drooping so he could not see the shame flooding her soul and pouring from her eyes. Her mind catapulted back to the way he'd pointed at her bag, at all the gifts and treasures he'd given her while growing up. She felt sick as she fully registered by what he'd meant as gifts. He'd been trying to pay her back for a crime he'd never committed.

A sob wringed itself from her throat, strangled and quiet. "Tem, it is not you who's done any wrong. It is I. Your mother...Oh, Fenris your mother..." she took a deep gulping breath and slowly straightened, her trembling fingers running down both of his arms to take his hands and clasp them in hers. "When you and Pushok were born..." her throat closed, unwilling to spread the pain any further, but he deserved to know. She was fully prepared for his hatred.

"When your mother went into labor, I was there. She was struggling, and Jace called for me to help. But...but by the time I arrived, she'd been in labor for far too long. I had to make a choice. As a healer. I had... her eyes closed, squeezing out more hot tears to soak her face, but she had to look at him as she confessed her sins. He had to see all of it. "I had to choose to save your mother....or to save her pups. You and Pushok. There wasn't time for both. Gods, if there had been I would have saved all of you. I would have...I wouldn't have had to..."

Her hands abruptly pulled from his, rubbing against one another as she tried to wash away the afterimage of red life's blood covering her all the way up to her elbows. Her fur had been stained for days, no matter how much she scrubbed. "I had....I had to cut you out. No time for anything to dull the pain, no time to think. I still hear her screams. But I cut too deep. I k-" she choked again and covered her muzzle, everything blurred all around her to the point she could only see vague colors and shapes. "I killed...you would have had a sister. If I had just slowed down...you would have...but I couldn't stop...I'd started, and you boys were still inside...I had to get you out. It'd been too long already and I feared you couldn't breathe in her belly. I had to get you out, I had to get you out..." her hands balled into fists and pressed against her sternum, claws digging furiously into her palms until they smarted.

"I chose to save you, and Pushok, but ended up sacrificing your mother, and your sister...I'm the reason Hartt is gone. I took her from you."
Veri Secanti

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Luperci Healer, Ambassador (CdM) The Brotherhood: Master of Medicines Mate to Rurik

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