Heaven if you sent us down, for every mother and every child

Veri/Pushok

POSTED: Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:29 pm

я буду звездой

The aftermath was poignant. Those wounds were only part of the pain, the most hurt was in the eyes of those he loved dearly, and those horrible lies that dripped from their tongues. Words, intended to make him feel better but they held no truth to them. The Truth was that Temnota had failed, and failed badly and no false words would create a better picture of this.

Upon its conclusion, Temnota dropped his sword, to never pick it up again. This weapon was not for him.

He hadn't been able to look Veri in the face, never mind his father. Hiding away from them all, Temnota tried to come to grips with his own failure.

Pushok was the one who dragged Temnota out from his self contained bubble, and forced him to come out into the light. His title was Recruit now, whereas Push was a Second Cadet. The difference smarted his pride.

Tem learned though, that to be adult was to face things you didn't want to. So, with Pushok all but shoving at his back, he approached Ma Veri's door and knocked. If he could apologize to her, and receive something in return then maybe it could be okay.

Maybe the golden woman had been ready to leave anyway, for she had her medicine bag with her when she opened the door. All of his gifts dotting its front, seashells and stones, leather flowers and little bones.

He choked on his words, mouth working. Finally looking upwards and there was that shadow caught behind her eyes, staining and straining.

A final stone cast, his glass house shattered all to pieces.

Everything broke open wide for him then, for as long as he could remember. What had he ever done that was so heinous? What crime was worth the pain in his chest, worth the sorrow in her eyes.

Unbidden the heat rushed forwards, filling his eyes and overflowing them all in an instant. Brokenly, Temnota began to sob, horrified at himself and this entire experience.

"Vhat did I d..deu!?" He spluttered, asking for a reason where he could find none in his own self. He couldn't remember what it was he had done.

"Vhy ahre y..yeu looek at me l...leik that!? Alvays..." Even in his hazy early memories, he could see it, feel the heaviness it set upon him.

"Vhat else c..cahn I deu? I haev giev yeu g..giefts!" Tem pointed, through his tears and sobs, at the decorations on her medicine bag. Each and every piece a child's attempt at recompense.

"Tiell me, pliease.. I vant to fix." He wiped his sodden cheeks, aware of the spectacle he was making of himself, but there was no stopping any of this now.

Dated 9/10 | PP of Pushok approved by Dark [wc —000] template by hilli
Temnota Hushhowl
Casa di Cavalieri
First Cadet
User avatar
Jace
Luperci

POSTED: Sun Sep 15, 2019 2:48 am

OOC I almost cried at work from this, I hope you're proud of this. TwT/WC - 000

It hadn't been easy to watch her protege struggle through his First Blood. With every moment he flailed, her heart constricted further and further until she could barely breathe. To top it off, she'd almost missed it too, held back by personal errands here and there until it'd almost been too late.

After her arrival, things hadn't gotten much better. In fact, they seemed to get worse, until finally the match was called with Starlight as the victor. She didn't get the chance to approach Temnota and say anything to him, he fled from the arena as quickly as he could, his sword discarded in the midst of the combat square.

She'd retrieved it from where it'd fallen and actually kept it, tucked away protectively in the corner of the bedroom in her house. Since that day, any attempt to contact her former apprentice were thwarted, not because he turned her away but rather he simply couldn't be found. She'd catch whiffs of his scent, but no more.

Veri had, indeed, been preparing to leave her home when the sound of a fist against her door rotated her ears. Thinking whoever it was could walk with her as she departed to the gardens, she picked up her medicine pack as she turned the handle. Standing on the other side of her doorway, however, was two of the last figures she'd ever expected at that moment. She stopped, frozen, her expression caught between surprise and her own pained guilt. Little did she knew, it was the last straw that shattered Temnota's fragile glass heart.

His eyes overflowed with tears in seconds, alarming the motherly medic so she dropped her bag and it thumped to the ground, all of its precios decorations clinking against one another briefly. She reached forward to the trembling boy before her, glancing to his brother for an explnation, only to be brought up short when he blubbered his first question.

Slowly, with gradually growing horror, she lifted a mismatched blue half-blind gaze to meet his glistening bi-colored orbs. All breath stopped in her chest, aching in her lungs as the whole world grew distant, blurry and shimmery all at once. He couldn't know. He...he couldn't.

But the longer he spoke, and sobbed, the more her heart wrenched with guilt. He'd seen. Despite all of her attempts, she thought she'd been so good at hiding it from him....but she'd only been driving her own nails of pain into his fragile self. Tears enveloped her own eyes, spilling down her cheeks at the same rate as his own.

"Oh...Tem..." she choked quietly, her voice rasping with the pain she'd dealt to him. Could she do nothing right by these boys? Had Pushok seen through her too, and never said? She looked at him, but he seemed simply stunned. Oh, Fenris, what had she done? Cream fingers clasped with iron strength onto the dark shaking shoulders, grounding her former apprentice to the now.

"Tem, my darling boy, you have done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing, do you hear me?" her voice broke from raw emotion, and her grip trembled upon his shoulders. "You are perfect and beautiful and so, so strong, and patient and kind. Your mother..." she choked, her mouth working but unable to give any sound for several seconds. "Your mother would be so proud of you, Temnota Hushhowl. And that is a promise I will take to my grave."

Veri's eyes closed, her face crumpling under the weight of her guilt, the pain she'd carried in her being ever since the boys had been born. Her head fell, drooping so he could not see the shame flooding her soul and pouring from her eyes. Her mind catapulted back to the way he'd pointed at her bag, at all the gifts and treasures he'd given her while growing up. She felt sick as she fully registered by what he'd meant as gifts. He'd been trying to pay her back for a crime he'd never committed.

A sob wringed itself from her throat, strangled and quiet. "Tem, it is not you who's done any wrong. It is I. Your mother...Oh, Fenris your mother..." she took a deep gulping breath and slowly straightened, her trembling fingers running down both of his arms to take his hands and clasp them in hers. "When you and Pushok were born..." her throat closed, unwilling to spread the pain any further, but he deserved to know. She was fully prepared for his hatred.

"When your mother went into labor, I was there. She was struggling, and Jace called for me to help. But...but by the time I arrived, she'd been in labor for far too long. I had to make a choice. As a healer. I had... her eyes closed, squeezing out more hot tears to soak her face, but she had to look at him as she confessed her sins. He had to see all of it. "I had to choose to save your mother....or to save her pups. You and Pushok. There wasn't time for both. Gods, if there had been I would have saved all of you. I would have...I wouldn't have had to..."

Her hands abruptly pulled from his, rubbing against one another as she tried to wash away the afterimage of red life's blood covering her all the way up to her elbows. Her fur had been stained for days, no matter how much she scrubbed. "I had....I had to cut you out. No time for anything to dull the pain, no time to think. I still hear her screams. But I cut too deep. I k-" she choked again and covered her muzzle, everything blurred all around her to the point she could only see vague colors and shapes. "I killed...you would have had a sister. If I had just slowed down...you would have...but I couldn't stop...I'd started, and you boys were still inside...I had to get you out. It'd been too long already and I feared you couldn't breathe in her belly. I had to get you out, I had to get you out..." her hands balled into fists and pressed against her sternum, claws digging furiously into her palms until they smarted.

"I chose to save you, and Pushok, but ended up sacrificing your mother, and your sister...I'm the reason Hartt is gone. I took her from you."
Veri Secanti

Casa di Cavalieri
Chief Cleric
User avatar
Amoris
Luperci Healer Tier I The Brotherhood: Master of Medicines Mate to Rurik

POSTED: Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:27 pm

я буду звездой

His fingers were dead where she gripped them, he couldn't feel them for the heartbeat in his ears and he could feel everything all at once. Temnota was a boy who had crested a year into life, and not once, since that time before he could remember his memories, had he lived without this suffering.

It had become part of him, and now even now, it refused to be shed.

Down and down it dragged him, and Pushok idled forwards, his footsteps in the dust with concern, confusion for Veri to look upon that the darkling boy was the only who had noticed.

Love hurt, and it was crushing him, and he was too fragile a gentle soul to carry such weight for so long.

She was speaking, with the words pouring out. Neither had ever seen her shatter so much, fall apart so easily. But her words, they were a poison in his veins.

"When you and Pushok were born..."

His shuddering breaths stopped then. The White consumed him, and there was only rushing, rushing all around him. Ringing in his ears, as the true weight of her speech sunk in. He didn't hear the rest, couldn't take in any more agony into his-self.

"V..vhat...?"

Oh.. oh if he thought the heaviness of hurting her had been too much, this new torment was infinitely worse.

Temnota gaped, his jaw hanging, drawing back and flinching as if she had slapped him across the face.

In place of Tem's silence, it was Pushok who made sound, a wrenching agonized cry that turned his shoulders and brought him to face his brother; And this Truth shattered the pair of them to dust.

They had killed her.

It was there, reflected back at him from his brother's self-same eyes. The mirror image. The two of them had ripped apart the happiest family. Did they know? Did they all know?

Pushok's head was shaking, back and forth slowly, then he suddenly turned and fled, Temnota reaching after him wordlessly with aching, grasping fingers.

Brother.

It was too much. He was backing away from her too, fresh tears and strife written all across his face,

"It'z our fauelt. Dhis iz our fauelt." His voice was dead too, like how the insides of him felt. Surrounding it, the sickening swell of emotions that waited to eat him alive.

He was running, away from her and the Truth, away from the Fort and what it represented. Ignoring the frantic calls that followed his back.

Ooc | [wc — 000] template by hilli
Temnota Hushhowl
Casa di Cavalieri
First Cadet
User avatar
Jace
Luperci

POSTED: Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:17 pm

Veri Secanti
OOC ♞ :: Strong PP of Rurik approved of beforehand by Rath.
⟿ Word Count: [681]
⟿ Date: 10nth Sep
⟿ Time: day
⟿ Form: Optime

She shouldn't have said anything. Should have kept it all to herself, shouldered his pain and told him some other reason for her hurt. The truth hurt him so much more than she could have bargained for, shadowing his eyes horribly with the knowledge of what she'd done. At first though, she thought Pushok's cry was one of anger, that Tem's flinch backwards from her grasp was through disgust or contempt for how she'd torn their family apart.

It was so much worse than simply that.

Looking closer she could see the self-loathing as it rose to swallow him and his brother, her tear glassy gaze widening in horror as she realized what conclusion he'd come to through her confession, not the one she'd assumed at all. Pushok was the first to flee, turning on his heel and running away from the implications of her words, away from the new guilt she'd thoughtlessly thrust upon them.

Glancing back at Temnota, he was backing away from her, his eyes dead of all emotion as he proclaimed this was all their fault. Veri tried to reach for him, stumbling forward only a step or two in his direction. Tem, no, none of it is on you! Please, please believe that! Your mother chose you over herself, she told me to do it, to save you! She-Tem! Temnota! he'd turned to flee in the midst of her cry, sprinting away from her with a speed she could not match, out of her range so she could not crush him to her chest and squeeze out all of the sorrow that she'd introduced to him.

Temnota! The Cleric tried one last time to call for him, but it was useless, he would not turn back to her.

Devastated, Veri sank to her knees and covered her face in her hands, her cheeks damp as she quietly wept behind the shield of her hair. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when suddenly she heard pawsteps off to one side. Before she could react, a steadying arm reached around her shoulders, squeezing her against them, and she sank into the familiar presence of her mate, burrowing her face into his neck and roughly inhaling his scent in an effort to calm herself.

He quietly asked what had happened to get her to such a state, rubbing her shoulder soothingly, to which she hiccuped a brief explanation of what had just occurred. I...I have to...I have to find him...them...I... His touch softened even further, holding the pieces of her together that had begun to fracture apart once more, crooning gentle sweet nothings into her ear.

In the aftermath of Hartt's death, she'd been an ultimate wreck, and her saving grace had been Rurik. He proved himself yet again as he picked her up and guided her back into the house, murmuring his assurances that running down her former apprentice, or his brother, would do no good. "They have to grieve, now, where they didn't know any better before," he told her gently, setting her up on the couch with a blanket across her as he did so.

"And no, that doesn't mean their turmoil is your fault. They would have found out one way or another. They're pups, and pups get curious; they ask questions. It's unfortunate, yes, that it wasn't in a more constructive manner, but that is by no means on you. Okay, my love?" he paused to lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead, caressing her cheek with one free hand. He pulled back to gaze into her face, one hand still at her cheek.

"Now, I'm going to boil some tea for you. What kind would you like?" he smiled at her, and she tremulously smiled back, her eyes still glassy with tears and pain. It would get better. Eventually. She just had to give them time, and hope they could forgive her; and themselves.


Primum Non Nocere
Primum Non Nocere
First, Do No Harm
First, Do no Harm

Template by Kitty

Veri Secanti

Casa di Cavalieri
Chief Cleric
User avatar
Amoris
Luperci Healer Tier I The Brotherhood: Master of Medicines Mate to Rurik

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