radio fuzz on the fence post by the pasture

POSTED: Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:49 pm

Dated, uh, sometime after the Brotherhood Oath (so after August 1st).

Wayne was a true member of the Brotherhood now: the Animale, trainer and rider of warhorses, with his honorable position reflected in the glint of violet on an old wedding band around his finger. Only a pair of old dog tags remained hanging around his old chain necklace, and these he clasped in his hand as he walked from the courthouse and followed the scent trail of the man who'd given them to him.

There were a lot of changes that the cowboy wanted to make in his life. His new rank was only one of them, an honor that he had to tell himself that he deserved after being part of the pack since its founding. He didn't want to be content with the sorry excuse for an existence he lived now in place of an actual life, with no friends but the horses and no duties but those plainly before him. He needed to take chances, however much they scared him, and so he urged the heavy beat of his heart to quiet as he looked for the councilmember.

It did not take long for him to reach the end of his trail -- helped along by some running -- and as he slowed to a stop he released the dog tags and stood, hands hanging uncertainly at his sides. He looked at the short red wolf, uncertain again, but spoke.


POSTED: Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:40 pm

ouch why does this hurt my soul

Sebastian had always been very sure of himself. It was what allowed him to lie so effectively. It was what drew others to him, what aided his charisma. It was what allowed him to seduce with such ease, to hold and inspire such confidence. It was why he was so passionate, why he could inflame the passions of others. It was what allowed him to become such a good actor, always with another mask held at the ready. It was what allowed him to live with no regrets.

He didn't feel sure of himself now.

Never before had he regretted striking someone, even in anger. So why did the memory of punching Wayne in the gut so harshly and swiftly make him want to dig his claws deep into his arms and vomit? Why did the memory of Wayne doubling over, gasping for breath, looking so betrayed make him want to slam his head against the wall, over and over? Why did everything to do with Wayne make him feel so pathetic? So weak? So unsure of himself?

His confidence had been his armour and he had broken it with his own hand when he had struck Wayne.

Sebastian sat in the garden, arms wrapped around his knees, chin resting on hire forearms. The garden reminded him that its gardener had gone. Gale had left, along with his niece. Just like Leon. Just like Hadley. Just like Baird. Everyone left eventually. Wayne hadn't, though. Wayne had stayed. And now Sebastian had driven him away.

He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hardly even registered Wayne's presence until he heard the cowboy's voice. Sebastian shied away for a moment, expecting- hoping- to be struck in retaliation.

The blow did not fall and Sebastian looked up, trying and failing to look Wayne in the eye.


POSTED: Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:57 pm

The scent of the plants around him brought him some calm. He stopped, breathed. Cicadas buzzed and cried around him, and there was the distant whinny of a horse calling for its foal. He let the sounds and smells sink in with the warmth of the sun on his shoulders. He'd been a weary man for so long already, and it was a blessing now that he found strength instead of fatigue when he looked within himself.

Brown eyes found the red wolf sitting on the earth, arms wrapped around knees. He saw the other flinch, but didn't let himself hurt anymore. He was going to fix this the best that he could.

He looked down at his friend for a few moments, and then unceremoniously knelt down to his level, knees in the dirt. He reached forward and wrapped his muscled arms around Sebastian and rested his jaw on the other's shoulder. He squeezed him close, shut his eyes, and spoke -- his words a fierce growl, but full of affection and passion for that stern tone.

"Don't you ever," Wayne McCoy said, "think that you don't matter t' me, Sebastian."

POSTED: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:22 pm

ouch why does this hurt my soul

Sebastian snuffled and wiped his eyes with his forearm, recoiling back when Wayne suddenly dropped to his knees. His eyes screwed shut, anticipating the pain that he deserved.

He froze as soon as Wayne wrapped his arms around him. His ears flicked and twisted nervously, shocked. He blinked hard, almost whining as the words that rumbled from Wayne's barrel chest made sense to his flattened ears.

Sebastian inhaled a deep, ragged breath and returned the hug, wrapping his arms tight around Wayne's shoulders and burying his muzzle into the side of Wayne's neck, his breaths high and strained and almost hysterical with relief. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes into Wayne's fur as his grip tightened, his arms and hands so tight around Wayne that he was probably going to leave bruises. His legs rose, wrapping around Wayne's hips as Sebastian attached himself to the cowboy and refused to release him until he was good and ready.

It looked as though that was going to take a while.

POSTED: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:37 pm


There was the high sound of sharp, quick breaths and the hard, close press of the archer's powerful arms around him. Wayne squeezed tighter at that, and nuzzled fiercely against his friend's shoulder. He could hear the sobs and had to fight hard against the urge to cry as well. He needed his breath to speak the words that should have been spoken a long time ago. He shouldn't have waited this long for the Brotherhood, for Sebastian, for any of this.

"I'm sorry," the cowboy murmured, running his claws softly through the other's ruddy fur. "Dixie hurt me bad, and... I remembered what you said about Hadley 'n' I was scared I didn't mean as much t'you as you do t'me." He confessed this and had to stop to take a breath, rubbing his nose along the other's ear and feeling comfort in the painful crush of the other's grasp. He felt anchored. He felt real.

"The truth is..." He rested his head on the other's shoulder again, staring out at the garden, his heart thudding heavily against his chest. "Truth is, I think I'm fallin' in love with you 'n' it scares me." His eyes closed. "I don't like bein' vulnerable but I should've said somethin' -- I just have the emotional range of a rock." He tried to grin, to jest and distract himself from the enormity of what he'd said, but he couldn't.

POSTED: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:26 pm

ouch why does this hurt my soul

Sebastian wiped away his tears away in Wayne's thick, soft fur, keeping his grip firm and tight, anchoring himself safely against the cowboy. His knees pressed against Wayne's sides, helping him cling to the much larger man, trying to keep him as close and safe as possible. Of course he knew that Wayne had been hurt by Dixie's disappearance. He had known that. He had tried and failed to help. He had only been able to help when she had finally returned and the pain had grown fresh. Then... Hadley? Sebastian hardly remembered that. He had feared for Hadley's life.

Why, Wayne?

"Wayne," he whispered, pressing his face flat against the side of Wayne's neck, rubbing softly, nuzzling him and holding him close. "You mean... So much to me. Too much." Sebastian let out a watery chuckle, pressing himself closer.

Wayne's next words knocked him for six. Falling in love with him. With Sebastian of all people. Sebastian closed his eyes and cuddled Wayne closer, trying to remain level-headed, trying to stay calm and rational. At least he could focus on what Wayne said next.

"Don't like feeling vulnerable either," he snuffled, still clinging tightly to Wayne's chest. "B-but... Wayne, I don't... I don't know if I'm a good person to fall in love with." He nuzzled closer, slinking a little further down Wayne's body to press his cheek against Wayne's barrel chest. "But... I feel so, so strongly about you... Don't know what I would do without you."

POSTED: Tue Aug 06, 2013 8:16 pm

Insecure Wayne is insecure. *nods* :|

His name was quietly spoken in the Italian’s voice, and Wayne pricked his ears even as the other nuzzled against his neck. He smiled, brokenly, at the other’s reassurance that he meant something to Sebastian, and pressed thumb and forefinger to the inner corners of his own eyes as he shut them tight. It was ridiculous, how a few fragmented statements could really shake him to the core. He was more messed up than he’d initially thought, but then again… The reflection before his Oath had told him a lot about himself and the pathetic life he’d forever live if he didn’t take chances like this one.

There was silence for a while after his confession, and the cowboy’s shoulders tightened, a smile creeping, forced, limping, onto his lips. It vanished when he realized that Sebastian wouldn’t be able to see it anyway, and he focused on clutching the other, callused hands curling into his reddish fur.

His breath was caught in his chest, and he worried that Sebastian could feel the hammer of his heart against the side of his cheek, where he leaned his head now. Wayne listened to him and thought he understood—thought, but worried. He could only rest his jaw on the top of Sebastian’s head and struggle to find some words.

“That’s… what I worried about,” he confessed, and his body grew taut again as he feared his friend’s anger. “You’re an amazin’ soul, Seb. I trust you like I haven’t trusted anyone before. I know you’re there for me, for the pack. There ain’t a thing wrong with you.” He sighed and tried to relax, though he still had the urge to fight or run off. “Just… the shit I said back there, in the barn, about those other guys… I mean, I ain’t gay or nothin’,” he said, pausing to tenderly kiss the man he loved on the nose, “but I could see why you might miss out on everythin’—everyone—else. And… I get powerful jealous.”

He sighed. Speaking obviously wasn’t his strong point, but he gripped Sebastian by the shoulders and tried to pull him away, just enough so they could look at each other, communicate this. “I want to be with you, I feel safe with you, but I don’t wanna feel like I’m tyin’ you down. I… want to make… something work out with… us.”

He shook his head. “I feel like a goddamn fool, I’m sorry.” He needed to learn when to shut up.

POSTED: Mon Aug 12, 2013 12:42 pm

i am sososo late. <3

Sebastian nuzzled Wayne's broad chest, keeping the large Labrador mutt held close. One ear pressed flat against the much bigger man's chest, the other held tall and alert even as it flicked and twisted nervously. Sebastian was afraid. Not of Wayne, per se. He was afraid of what Wayne might say. Afraid of what Wayne might feel. Afraid that Wayne would want nothing more to do with him. It was this fear that encouraged him to listen closely, to examine every word the instant Wayne spoke it.

To think that someone thought so highly of him was staggering. To think that Wayne loved him. To think that anyone loved him so much, that anyone cared so little for Sebastian's flaws. Sebastian nuzzled Wayne's cheek fiercely, returning the kiss he was given with one placed tenderly on the cowboy's cheek. Wayne was jealous for him? Sebastian thought about how he would feel if he found Wayne enjoying someone else's body. He barely prevented a scowl. Even though they had only been friends for so long, Sebastian was immensely protective of Wayne. All right. He was a little jealous too.

Sebastian avoided Wayne's gaze for a few moments as he was pulled away, shrinking from the force of gaze in his solid brown eyes. Orange finally met brown and held the stronger man's gaze.

You're not a fool, Sebastian murmured, hiding his face again as he nuzzled the side of Wayne's neck.

I... I feel the same way about you, Wayne. I don't know if I can settle, though. I don't think I want to be with just one person. Not yet. Sebastian kissed the side of Wayne's neck. I know someone in Cercatori d'Arte. He has a mate, and they are both allowed to sleep with whoever they choose. We could try something like that? For now, at least? Sebastian held Wayne's face in both hands, holding him close.

I love you.

POSTED: Thu Aug 22, 2013 1:00 pm

We could wrap this up maybe or even end now or something? <3

The other's kiss on his cheek reassured him, made him smile, but he listened carefully regardless to Sebastian's words. He was also, in a way, waiting to hear something that he didn't like -- but there were only reassurances, words of affection and understanding. There was something between them, but it took a lot of courage to let that be the only thread to hang onto. It was like being dropped into a canyon with a single rope, and that rope was Sebastian. He wanted to cling hard, but he wanted security.

He felt unfair, almost, to be mentioning this -- but Sebastian backed up his words, explaining that, no, he didn't think he could settle. Wayne reminded himself that it was better to discuss this now than have hearts broken later, especially if he gave into one of his own stupid urges; he remembered Kenna when she was in the midst of her heat, and remembered Brandy Mae who'd promised to visit him. He felt briefly ashamed, but leaned his head against Seb and listened.

Mention of the couple in Cercatori d'Arte surprised him, but he frowned thoughtfully. "I think --" he started to mumble, but then dark hands caressed his face, and his expression changed, grew tender.

"I love you too," Wayne said. He leaned his head forward to nuzzle the other. "And I think that could work. For now. Who knows." He shrugged and wrapped his arms tightly around his friend again. "Just know that I'm always gonna be there for you. You're more important than the rest of 'em."

That promise, at least, he thought he could keep.

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