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Futoji (critique him!) - Printable Version +- 'Souls IPB Archive (November 2007–October 2012) (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb) +-- Forum: Dead OOC (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=100) +--- Forum: Dead Questions & Help (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=47) +--- Thread: Futoji (critique him!) (/showthread.php?tid=15034) |
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- Ookami - 02-03-2011 Name- Futoji Gender- Male Age&&Birthdate- 15 Months, November 28, 2009 Luperci- nope! Apperance-Futoji has bright blue eyes and a white face. He has a black line that comes down in between his eyes from a surrouding black frame of his face that consits of his ears as well. He has black mixed with a little brown fur from the middle of his neck down to the tip of his tail. The 'overcoat' reaches down to his stomach. His underbelly is a creamy-white color. The same color covers his legs and comes up from his stomach, in between his legs and onto his chest. Biography- Futoji was born to a kind mother and father. He lived the life of luxury for his parents were the Alphas. He was trained as a young pup for a warrior. He could cover ground fast because he had a sleek body and big paws that assured swiftness and balance. However at 3 months old he was in a fight that changed his life forever. He broke his left front leg which now walks with a limp forever and gave him a big scar that has faded but is still very noticable. The limp greatly affected Futoji's quickness and swiftness so his parents knocked his rank down to Omega. Even as an Omega Futoji trained himself, he worked with the limp instead of against it, so now the limp only affects his swiftness and quickness a little bit. His parents were unaware of his self-training however, so his rank was not raised. At 6 months old Futoji was chosen to be an escort for others and his ranking skyrocketed back up. One day he was chosen to escort his sister to the lagoon for a drink and swim. While there Futoji was attacked by a big wolf that had his sister in his eyes. Once Futoji was knocked on the ground the wolf ran for his sister. Futoji fended off the wolf but his sister drowned in the lagoon. His parents were heartbroken but admired Futoji's bold and brave attitude for the wolf was much much bigger than him. His rank once again however was lowered to Omega. At 7 months old Futoji left the pack. About a month later his pack was raided by the same wolf's pack that had met Futoji at the lagoon. The wolf was searching for Futoji, but finding out he was gone made him angry. He attacked his brother who barely managed to get away, his brother's whereabouts are now unknown. Futoji didn't know though about the raid of his pack and continued living by himself for over a year. He had settled down by a flowing lake and a deer abundent area. The wolf who had been at the lagoon attacked him one day about 3 months after he found the area and Futoji ran from this home. He travled for four months before he found the Soul's land. Now he is here to stay. Personality- Futoji is a normal sized wolf. He has bigger paws than normal and muscle is packed onto his sleek body. He has quite a few scars decorating his body. Each a milky white that stretch various lengths and widths. He is very alert and will often scan the area, watching out for preditors or threats. This is a bad habit he has, a useful, but bad in the sense that some could take as he is bored with them or not listning. He is trying to break it by just smelling the air or listning with his ears. He is a very kind wolf but can be strict towards the ones he loves. He is very hesitant when it comes to others putting themselves in dangerous situations but never hesitates to put himself there. He is quite the dare-devil. He can be snappy at times if he is in a bad mood but if he is in a good mood or a nuetral mood he is very nice. He hates to see people hurt unless it's himself. He loves it when other wolves help each other. He is a caring wolf and will put other's saftey first before he even thinks of his own. His weakness is dark and deep waters, for his sister drowned in a dark lagoon. Because of this he normally constructs some sort of lake or river that is not deep and is perfect for fetching water from. If this is not possible he brings as many wolves as will come with him just to fetch a drink of water. However he loves lakes and rivers. If the water is flowing he has no problem with it. If it is a secluded area though just filled with water you will never catch him going into it or close to it without wolves by his side. - Jace Wolfe - 02-03-2011 Futoji sounds like a good strong character, he has realistic flaws and weaknesses as well as strengths, all around sounds like someone Jace would be happy to know :3 - Kaena Lykoi - 02-03-2011 I like his description a lot! ![]() One thing -- if he was born February 2009, he'll be nearly two years old. ![]() One thing I do want to point out -- if he walks with a limp, his injury should affect his balance and speed to some extent. :> You could consider either removing the limp (maybe instead of a limp, he has a nasty, burly scar there) or perhaps stating that his speed/balance is affected, but not to an extreme extent? :> That'd make a bit more sense to me -- I mean, if he limps, it does affect him in some way. ^^; I like his fears and that he doesn't fear all water, just deep and still water. ![]() Another thing I do like is the possibility of his brother showing up later -- maybe you can post him as an Open Character and have fun plotty times, eh? ![]() - Tayui Aston - 02-03-2011 He sounds pretty interesting so far! Though, I would caution against killing off the entire pack -- a lot of people do this to provide a reason for a character to leave their home and write in a dramatic backstory. I think you have reason enough with Futoji's sister's death to serve as a catalyst. Her death could make him resent his pack and choose to leave on his own accord later on without the melodramatics of killing off an entire pack. I did that when I first created Tayui and regretted it two years later. ![]() His appearance sounds interesting, but not really realistic. You could make him an arctic wolf with a white face and a cream and brown pelt otherwise. Though, the spots sound a little... spotty (I am so punny ![]() Also, this is a small style critique, but you only need to use a comma when you have a new idea. For example, this sentence does not need the first comma and it should be broken up a bit:
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