Whispers in the Moon - Printable Version +- 'Souls IPB Archive (November 2007–October 2012) (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb) +-- Forum: Dead IC (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=110) +--- Forum: Dead Topics (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=21) +--- Thread: Whispers in the Moon (/showthread.php?tid=30349) Pages:
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- X'ies Lambda - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... mes_v2.png); background-color:#000000; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 335px; border-radius:10px; -moz-border-radius:10px; -webkit-border-radius:10px; border-bottom-left-radius:0px; border-bottom-right-radius:0px; border-top-right-radius:10px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:0px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:0px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:10px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:0px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:0px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:10px;">
ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. They had returned some time ago, and yet she still wasn't talking to either of them. X'ies had given the female a glance once every now and again. But beyond that his interest seemed to have waned. Slwoly and surely X'ies Lambda had been growing apart from his own family. Lost in his mind, in the whispers of the moon. He was considring everything that he had seen, everything that he had bore witness to in his trip with Jaden. Things here had changed greatly and yet the only thing that hadn't changed was the coldness held between himself and X'yrin.
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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If anything could be said at all about the progression of time, it was that within it uncertainty was boundless and the unexpected right behind it. The past days had given her the time to reflect on how narrow her thoughts had been of late, to believe that nothing more than stagnation and bitterness would bud from her relationship with Jaden (if any soul would be generous to dub their interactions thusly). It was at last revealed that this was not the case, but her worries were far from relieved.
What was on her mind now was her standing with her dearest friend, her Nomad brother with whom she had spent most of her life before leaving the collective. Hardly was there hide or hair of him, even in the dens he walked in and out of sight as a ghost burdened by his own thoughts. And she knew him well enough to believe there was little part of him that would seek her out as Jaden had to mend their damaged relationship and carry on. To expect something of the like would be no different than anticipating the mountains to move, bringing the same disappointment when they remained immobile despite all the well wishing for even an inch.
If she wished to see him, she would have seek him out unlike how they used to be as pups. Hardly a day went by when he was not at her den, poking his nose in with philosophical knowledge to fill her ears, always going in one then out the other. And then she would grow bored and force him to place, turning a lesson into a scrap and a lecture into a day of rolling in the snow. A part of her missed how it was then... perhaps the part that still desired to be pursued, even if it was for conversation. Even if just to see his face. But had she found him, what would she say? Apologize for placing her anger on him? It was not a Shepard's role to apologize for their actions, no explanation was needed to the flock that followed their lead. But as his friend that want was there, to admit her wrong and find that comfortable place with him again. But would it be to appease his ego so that she would find favor with him again, or were her intentions more innocent then her receptive thoughts? It was difficult to say but one way or the other, she missed him as friend, as pack brother, as an interest to breed, it mattered little. What mattered was the emotion she held onto, the one that convinced her to leave the den and search.
Emerging from the dens she witnessed the fall of the day as the last rebellious arms of light tried in vain to catch the sky. The velvet shrouds overlayed the land and as she took to the mountain, the whole of night had fallen with but a few early stars and the glowing face of the moon acting as her shining light in the darkness. And then a glowing red-orange hue cut through the encompassing black acting as a generous beacon and symbol of life. A life she sought that kept himself hidden from what, she did not know. But like a moth attracted to the glowing embers she walked toward it with soundless steps. Were it not for an unfavorable wind she perhaps could have snuck up on him as she had often done when they were pups. A little ambush in the hopes of rekindling a familiar flame but far ruined was that chance leaving her the only option to approach him directly.
Like him she was situated in her towering form adorned with nothing but her golden fur and the feathers of both the vulture and owls decorated throughout her lengthy mane. From a single braid running down her front she freed a long feather of the vulture's wing and twirled it between her fingers as she walked around the small fire to his side. Her clouded eyes passive glanced over the flickering flames and lingered instead on the engravings in the ground. Her brows peaked with recognition and tail began to sway excitedly. She knew this game. The one with all the interesting pieces and rules for their movements. But she would not indulge in that nostalgic game. That was not the reason for why she had sought him out. She forced down her excitement then and came to his side, carefully drawing herself down beside him. Still she twirled the feather better the tips of her digits then reached out with her available hand to gentle take a few strands of his dark mane. "...I have found the vulture to be a ruthless and cunning companion..." she uttered softly and began winding the loose strand around the stem of the feather. "But even with his unique and often disturbing behavior... I have grown to like him."
When fixed, she let the feather and strand fall over his shoulder then comfortably let her cheek rest against the fire lit grey.
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set.
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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In all her time of knowing him and his sect of the Nomads, her ears had become accustomed to the meaning-within-meaning of his words. Try as she may to maintain a blissful ignorance, it was near impossible to keep when set against a probing mind. Why any would seek to keep their mind's soft was a question that only one born outside of the Lambda could answer. It was because of how cold and logic their words tended to be. Invasive and cunning, deceptive left to the interpretation of one's mind while inadvertently leaving a vulnerability to probe deeper in. Unlike the bartering Marecks her sect was not based on words but actions. And when words were spoken, they were only the jist of a thought and often terribly broken. Were it not for her Shepard instructing her to learn from her friend, undoubtedly she would have remained as mute as the others save for her brother. And as a result she knew how to combat if not work through her dear friend's mind if only by a fraction in comparison to his full potential. But she was skilled enough to give her voiced thoughts meaning as well as interpret his own.
"There are prey that feign weakness that can trick the eye of the vulture," she let her muzzle rest more securely on his shoulder, gradually tipping her nose beneath his mane to bury into his neck. "When it appears the prey is helpless...a fitting feast for the vulture... its eagerness to appease its nature could very well be its downfall. The prey may not be weak at all..." she lifted her gaze from beneath her unruly bangs to meet his expressionless face. "It could just be lying in wait to ensnare the vulture. A good companion is one that accepts the bird and its nature but makes it aware of the dangers its instinct might not let it see..."
She left the meaning of this observation for his interpretation, choosing to follow his lead in a conversation change and smiled fondly to the compliment of the Family's achievement. But that light expression faded when he probed into her reason for seeking him. She was inclined to deflect with a light-hearted jest, proclaiming it was an Alpha's right to see her packmate's when she liked. But she thought better than to insult his intelligence like that and humbly sighed in immediate defeat. He knew her all too well it seemed. Her arms had wound around him in their short embrace, but lingered as her hazed mind drifted in thought. She did not have difficulty knowing what to say, but rather how to say it without the unnecessary flamboyance of riddles.
"I came to see you," she replied simply enough but the fade of her voice declared there was something more to confide. "I wanted...to be certain that our bond had not tarnished. Your departure was not on pleasant terms because of my doing...and I feared that time away would further fray that bond. I wanted to be sure that this was not the case."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set.
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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Her Shepard would have been proud; high praised coming from the mouth that seemed played house to a wicked tongue. Though she knew that was only part of the whole, something more resided beyond that poisoned weapon. That much she was confident in from her experiences when they were pups. Same as his laugh, her smile was short-lived, overtaken b y the seriousness of the mood as he recalled that particular day's events from his own perspective. Yes she had been angry, but as a disciplined Exultare she should have been able to calm that internal rage instead of letting it control her. Giving into a passion like that...nothing good would come of it. Acknowledging his role in that scrap, she looked to him with eyes of understanding and gratitude. In all their bond was still intact and knowing so gave the Nomad considerable relief.
But still she reminded silent turning her eyes to the fire as he continued to voice his thoughts. They had yet to talk about what was learned about the other packs. How they felt about their Family and their aptitude for becoming potential allies. It weakness was the word used to describe them, then it was enough for the Alpha to go on. Truth be told she had not expected complete success but the teachings of her family kept her from falling into the trap of what her own eyes could see. When it came to judging character, she trusted the Lambda's eyes before her own for they could see better than hers the merit of those they sought. However, she would have been a blind follower if she did not ask for an explanation.
"To expect that any would be like you is ignorant. There are none that can match the Lambda, just as there is no equal to the Exultare, or the Evan'ules, or the Marecks, or the 'unspoken'." Taking the offered 'piece' she looked to the grid and the pieces that remained. "I am certain your Shepard would say that others outside of your family are weak by default. Only those that have trained with and endured your lessons would be able to show their strength in another form than retaliation. You go into this believing you know the game to be played when it is something different all together. A vulture that circles a feigning prey, so certain that it is dead when it is anything but. You must be willing to accept that the game...the prey is not what you are used to seeing it as. Learn and adapt to what is being played and then find its weakness."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. He watched her as she spoke, though it seemed she was now being more confrontational concerning his views on the other packs. "....The game does not change, the rules however..do...". He knew that if he wanted to, his poison tongue could lash out and reach into her heart. But he held himself back from doing so, it would achieve nothing save for placing them back in the position to which they had started. He leaned back, allowing the cool stone of the mountain side to give a more solid foundation for which to relax against. "...No, he would not say things as such...one must always appreciate that there will be a strong enemy out there somewhere...perhaps not our equal, but weakness by default...tis a foolish notion....one must always be wary, to stand at the heights of such haughtiness...would be a self deluding, self defeating illusion...". He took up one of the larger stones, the one he represented as a knight placing it before her.
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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Admittedly she had been wrong to think she knew the thoughts of the Lambda Shepard, but in that error came clarity gifted from the mouth of that elder male's protégé. Similar advice had been given by her own father, claiming that despite her strength there would always be someone stronger that existed in the world. And with that warning, it was up to her abilities to prepare for that moment even if it never occurred. Rather than sit and accept this as fate, she was encouraged to make herself formidable against this unseen superior power. Make herself ready to take it when and if the time came. But was X'ies prepared like that, she wondered. What did a Lambda consider strong when their definition of weakness was so obvious.
Her eyes followed the piece as it was moved while ears perked at him acknowledging the Cavalieri. Strong in body only. The Issor hadn't been given reason to consider otherwise before. Her interactions with them were nil at best and in truth there had been no reason for her to seek them out...or at least Jazper save for the days before when her need was dire. And evidence piled against their favor as the scene of that day was depicted in detail. What tainted her light expression to a darkened shroud was word of the pregnant female and the obvious disregard of their defense. Jazper had to have known better than to let the meeting transpire like that. Didn't he care about the future lives that depended on them? And what of the mother... So ready to put herself and the unborn life for danger...and for what? Had this been home and one was senseless enough to place themselves and their brood in jeopardy, it was likely they would have been ostrasized and made to experience the danger they had placed themselves in. Punishment that would not bring the mother or children to death, but within reach that the mother would know of the danger.
But the Knight led pack was not like her home at all, and what pedestal she had held the pack on began to crumble at its base. Her disappointment kept her from hearing the jests made on Jaden's behalf. They were insignificant as far as she was concerned, a means to get a rise out of her to defend her fellow leader. She would not appease her fried like that...but he still knew how to invoke a reaction out of her with words alone. But it was better controlled this time, despite the deteriorating sensible side of her. Her reaction was little more than a tightening grip around him and a deeper press of her muzzle against his neck. "You must want to mate," she replied, setting aside answering his question for now. "Why else would you ask if not to show your own interest."
.ooctable, .oocinfo { background-image:none; padding:10px; line-height:12px; margin:5px auto; width:85%; background-color:#938d93; border:1px solid #2d242d; font-size:10px; color:#2d242d; border-radius:2px; border-style: dashed; -moz-border-radius:2px; -webkit-border-radius:2px; } .oocinfo { font-size:10px; width:250px; margin:5px; } </style> - X'ies Lambda - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... mes_v2.png); background-color:#000000; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 335px; border-radius:10px; -moz-border-radius:10px; -webkit-border-radius:10px; border-bottom-left-radius:0px; border-bottom-right-radius:0px; border-top-right-radius:10px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:0px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:0px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:10px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:0px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:0px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:10px;">
ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. " To determine just what sort of future I'll be seeing from your pups"
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-16-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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To any other, his response would have been deemed tactless and unsavory. Lacking all but logic his words were cold to her ears and in effect they lowered to the warmth of her autumn crown. At least he was honest, she could commend him for that. However those laid ears came forward again in surprise, feeling his more engaging touch and received more in answer than she expected. Shock sat quietly on her muzzle, drawing her clouded eyes wide but seeing only the dancing flames of the firelight.
It was not like him to express anything other than a logical view however painful. And in his voice she could hear him fighting the urge to speak as he would, dismissing feeling and stating fact as it was. But she could hear him trying and felt what came of it. The tension that gripped him then slowly released as he in his own unique way offered flattering words to convey his interest. A perfect candidate, perhaps the closest to affirmation of his interest she would receive, and for some reason his awkward attempt made her smile...giggle even as she had as a pup when watching him try his paw at her family's fighting method. Now as he had then, he was opening himself to be vulnerable in her presence, a test of trust for the Lambda if ever there was an ideal one.
As she mentally recalled the past, her verbally recalled the request made by her Shepard those many seasons ago. At the time, she hadn't understood the significance, but as they played and grew together she came to better understand why he had been adamant about that bond. Even as children they had become complements to each other. A night that could not be without its day, strength balanced by wisdom. It was a bond she held true to up until she could not longer stand the stagnation of the Nomad ways. It made her smile to hear he had remembered and sought to honor it but it was a fleeting glimmer at best overcome by uncertainty. She met his eyes as he tried to grasp for the words to say then all out confessed his inability to do so. It was a terrifying moment to see her friend like this but she would not let that fear touch her face.
Instead, she carefully raised a hand to cradle beneath his chin to tip his muzzle down just enough to grace it with her own. "I know..." she confided, speaking quietly not of his difficulty in grasping the right thing to say, but of something more that carried on silently. "The bond we share is unique to our family, something that most born into a pack outside of our own would not be able to comprehend. Beyond our mountain home others live for each other and thrive and make their bonds of the notion and expectations of love...something we were not privileged to know of unless we discovered it ourselves. I did not understand him as a child, but I know now why my Shepard asked so much of you. Because that bond had already formed...and had I stayed...had I not left you, there is not a doubt that the bond would have transformed us beyond what we are now."
She placed a gentle lick on the end of his nose resurfacing one of the moments of many where she had done so during their lessons and play. "Perhaps it is selfish for me to say...but it is not something I want to lose with you...regardless of the form it takes."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. Her question had initially given him confidence, that he could let down his guard for his friend and express what he wished. But her words proved him otherwise mistaken. She may not have bitten into his neck, she may not have seduced him in a sexual manner. But none the less the results were just as devastating to him. He would not show this, at least not in a way that any other that did not know him would tell. His eyes moved back into their lazy position, once again thoughts,feelings and intentions hidden in a fog of uncertainty. His body, limp and relaxed before once again grew tense, walls immediately flew up shutting him off from her and the outside world.
He said, ending that topic with nothing more to it. " You have made a move in establishing a fundamental beginning with the barn and the animals. However there are different things required for the future.....if you would allow my advice....implement a training program for the pack, train them to fight, however judging by those we have gathered thus far and our terrain I would say training them to fight directly would be counter productive...the world already has enough warriors....it would suit our needs more...should they learn to fight in the shadows...". He stood and moved over to his make shift chessboard. "...The game always requires two rooks, so...I will seek an apprentice". In reality his words were hollow, avoidance tactics like before...still they made sense if to be taken seriously. "....Finally, I'm going to have to ask that someone craft me an actual chess set...stones are well and good...but lack the structure...".
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-17-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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A brief opening and then business was regained as usual. The transition was swift and had she not been acclimated to her fellow Nomad's disposition she might have fallen for his dismissive tactic as following through with nothing more than tending to the fire. But she knew him better than that after all. She had known him better than even his own Shepard, perhaps not completely how is mind worked, but well enough how is heart worked even if it was believed he didn't have one.
She did not fight against his withdrawal and in fact played along with his continued analysis. There was more to accomplish in the Family, this was true. A training program was certainly worth exploring. In fact it was necessary to maintain the stability and keep all at a heightened level than let them wallow in weakness. She knew that as a whole, their cores were weak. There were differing representations of personal strength, but nothing that unified them... nothing present that showed as a whole that the pack was strong. Perhaps it was time to stop catering to them when time allotted and make it important for all to become able physical bodies. "Assassins, you mean?" She spoke up then albeit quietly when he offered them learning to fight in the shadows. She hadn't the slightest idea how to begin training like that.
As he stood her thoughts came to a halt and she pushed herself from the ground as well. His talk of the game and pieces were not what her ears were hearing. It was the empty voice used to utter them, lowering her against her skull as if their octave hurt them. He should have known that for the sake of appeasement, she would have played along and catered to his mood. But this was not a time when she felt it fitting now. Not when the prior conversation had ended so abruptly and without a true resolution. Was he upset with her? Was this him shunning her now? That cherished bond... was it gone now? No... he wouldn't let their bond be jeopardized, she truly believed this. Like her, he was a wolf of loyalty to his Family, regardless of the form it took. Surely he had not forgotten that. But she could only assume having lacked the confidence to put her full faith in this belief. How he acted now, she couldn't be certain.
Never the less, she continued to follow his lead. "If that is what you want, then I will see what I can do. I trust that you will be strict in finding your apprentice just as your Shepard was strict on you." Another attempt at recalling the past; a hopeful attempt and bringing back some familiarity. But it would not end there...she couldn't let it. There was something that was still unresolved. Walking around the fire she came to stand before her dearest friend. Regardless of how he looked to her or how he wished to make himself distant, she had already seen what she needed to not let it go; a possibility she thought was lost to him.
Reaching out with an umber hand, she took one of his within her own and held tightly to it. "X'ies... since you have returned, have you seen my companions at all? The owls and the vulture? They've finally stopped bickering with each other and learned to co-exist. Though... at times I worry that the vulture may become too proud and forget his importance to that unity. To be honest, I don't know what I would do if he was with me one moment, then left of his own volition. He is...irreplaceable."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. " Indeed...assassins....short blades, bows....poisons...considering his skill set I'd say Jaden would be able to teach those skills rather well". That led onto another point, he knew that Jaden was a killer, the fact he was proficient in short blades and archery...well it wouldn't be too far away to assume that he was a former assassin. It was then that his old friend brought up just how his father had been strict on teaching him the ways of the Lambda, in truth, X'yrin had absolutely no idea just how far that actually went. If he was as harsh as his father had been on any other member of the pack- he turned to look at her at this point. The fog within those eyes did not drift. He merely stared in silence, thinking of the things that he had done, that had been done to him. No weapon could be crafted without spending time burning in the furnace...nor could it take shape without the repeated blows of a hammer.
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Crossing onto the known Evan'ules skill of expertise did not immediately sit well with the Issor. Undeniably, training centered in the ways of the shadows would provide a great advantage to a pack of a few. But the notion of using weaponry, or resorting to such underhanded techniques did not make her feel confident in this initiative. But time would tell if it was worth the effort in the end. She did not contest her companion's suggestion, merely made a note of them to assess later when the time felt right.
For now, her focus was on the here and now, the perceived rift spanning between herself and her fellow Nomad. He spoke of the vulture in a literal sense so much that her ears lowered in disappointment. Surely he knew it was not the birds she talked about, but sought to play along with the idea instead. It was not insulting but none the less bothered her as she was left to ponder of how to carry on her point. She was stopped so abruptly it caught her off-guard, like an opponent playing a game then stopping in the middle of it because they were bored. Was that how he felt now? Without interest? It was hard to believe he would forsake everything they had because he did not truly understand how she felt.
"X'ies." And Exultare would be damned to beg for anything, but for her friend she was not above pleading for what she knew he was capable of. "Please X'ies....speak to me as you did when we were together as pups. When we were together as oddities to the eyes of the other families....bonded together when it shouldn't have been and looked to each other with an understanding that no other could comprehend." With a desperate hand she gripped him tightly while the other rose to rest just beneath his chin. "We talked to each other freely, no need to conceal our feelings behind other words...just how we felt, what we wanted; I am afraid my choice will cause you to leave me...that you would neglect what we share because you find my decision wrong. I am afraid that I will lose you...and it is a loss I cant stand to endure."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. A brief spark of anger flooded the Lambda, whose face would only portray annoyance in the form of his eyes jetting over to her. The spark would, if only temporarily shift the fogs of uncertainty within them. " My how love can be borne of uncertain fear, you ask me to speak my mind now. Yet when I had first arrived you bore me silence or threats of beatings or worse". It was a brief reminder to just how she had reacted when he had first arrived on the grounds with her and Jaden. " Twas not the first time of course something like this happened, it occurred once more when you attacked Jaden yourself....". X'ies began to walk around X'yrin, circling her like a vulture examining its prey.She wished for him to be open mouthed for him not to care of his words as they were in their child like minds? Then he would be free, but his mind had not changed. His mind was adult, and it had already processed its determination of this situation.
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The eyes of anger bore back at her, unyielding and raw though kept behind the transparent walls of control. The Nomad was stunned still by what she saw, what she heard, but when the initial shock wore itself away, her expression had fallen from its sorrow mask and was replaced by something alike to anger. A defensive rage like an animal backed into a corner by a predator but was reluctant to show its throat in defeat. Suppose she deserved this cornering, to have her body nicked and picked and gouged til her innards were lying exposed for the vulture to feast. But her stubbornness would not allow her to submit to this torture outright. Her pride in tatters, she did not seek to cover her exposed self but stood as she was accepting the relentless flog of her dearest friend.
"X'ies...you do not recognize what love is..." she retorted, still refusing to relinquish her bite. "Nor do you know me if you believe I speak to you in order to convince you with 'humble words'." Contesting his order for her to leave, she asserted her right not only as his Alpha, his Shepard, but as his friend to make understand what by her own means she had danced around. But a part of her did not believe it held relevance to him anymore. He already believed their bond meant nothing to her and yet if that had been the truth, why then would she make herself victim to this abuse? Deserved or not she could have left then and there, been done with that level of disrespect made by a subordinate to his Alpha and gone on about her evening whilst writing this venture off as a lost cause. At her sides she clenched her fists in controlled anger. It was because of that bond that she took her lashing.
"You are mistaken if you would call what you showed me 'weakness'," her voice was low and measured, its inflexion changing as she breathed while taking steps around the fire. "You are only reaffirming that 'weakness' that you had in our earlier seasons. Looking back on it now, I could see that my Shepard saw it in you, however small, though we were not allowed to learn of it or explore it. But it happened none the less...didn't it Xies? And I had thought it had been lost on you." Coming to stand beside him, she gently took the vulture feather in his mane between two fingers and twirled it lightly in thought. "My mistake, I believe, goes further back than 'luring' you...it was running away in the first place. Leaving you alone.. nearly severing our bond. I am not proud of the way I left or what it could have- what it had done to you. I have no excuse for my actions.
"But I will say this... your 'mistake' in showing your weakness... you will do it again, and again, regardless of how much you try not to. Just as the vulture will always feed on the pieces of what remains. At least I will see it when no other will. Because to ignore it would be dishonoring our bond. Some that I do still cherish."
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. Recognise. That word....it was different. She was using different langauge from how she had saw him at the lake. Recognise....the significance of that word...he didn't want to consider the implications of it.But that wasn't the way his mind worked. To understand what happened next, X'ies would essentially shut down. It was probably something that even X'yrin hadn't seen before. An induced state of shock that had just completely over ridden everything. He was stood there, looking at her with his foggy eyes. But there was nothing calculating about what was going on behind them. Those eyes were TRUELY dead. It was as if he wasn't even there. He didn't move...so completely consumed in the thoughts and calculations of the implications of that one singular word.
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The silence that followed was unexpected. As if caught in the middle of a relentless storm and expected to pass through its eye, she waited for the end of the storm to pass over...only to find that it was abruptly over. He had pulled himself away from her, back braced against the mountain wall as something akin to fear touched his eyes. The emotion was so naked, so true, it looked unnatural to be on a face usually calm and collected. Hardened by logic, free of doubt, uncertainty. What she witnessed coursed a chill down her spine, not in fright but recognition for what his behavior portrayed.
All too well she could recount the time she had felt like that, drawn to realize the meaning behind her actions, the feelings she thought were unobtainable. The realization had been just as profound and counsel was far off to aid her. She had been left to deal with it alone and more of it what she could. She could not let him endure what she had alone.
Though he uttered to the contrary, she female smiled sadly for what had become of his was indeed the truth. The realization in his eyes said it all. But she could only imagine how this break of all he knew was affecting his thoughts. Coming closer to him, she knelt down to his level setting herself between his legs and taking his hands to pull them away from his face so she could meet his eyes. "Do you understand now?" The evidence was there, but she insisted on hearing the words from his own mouth. Even if they were not to name the bond they shared as children and preserved even now, she had to know that it was not truly lost on him. That is was no longer being denied... but now known.
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ooc: Form, Optime. Time: 9:25pm, after sun set. She came close once again,this time he didn't move, his eyes didn't move. He just kept staring ahead blankly. His voices, now unified within his mind once again. "...What is this?....what should I do?...should I cry?....do I want to?....I...I don't know.....why...what does it mean to cry?". He didn't know, none of these things he knew. If in truth he was feeling things, then it was new, raw...he didn't know how to express any of it. "....What does it mean to love?...what does it mean to be happy?...". His fathers voice would answer his questions, simply put....love meant weakness, happiness meant personal victory and succession. But these were not what he considered real, he had succeeded before, but he had not felt anything. But now there was fear, there was loss...there was pitiful realization
- X'yrin Exultare - 08-20-2012 [html] http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b137/ ... ndrops.png); background-color:#d9d3cd; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: top; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right:0px; padding-top: 300px; border-radius:15px; -moz-border-radius:15px; -webkit-border-radius:15px; border-bottom-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px;">
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Her realization had been just as a profound, but not to the point of invoking her denial. She had fought against it, yes. But hardly thought to name it an ailment or look at it in a negative light; something that would tarnish who she was. To hear him address his realization as such disheartened her initially to where she could not look at him. He feared being tainted by love? Was it hard to embrace without it being in a negative view? Though he claimed to not understand, she knew he had to. He could not have gone through their life together, reflect upon their actions, and still not know how he felt…how she felt.
But she could hear in his voice why… why he would chose to deny it with the fibers of his being. And it was in this that she understood wholly why the Nomad were discouraged from expressing that deep emotion. The pain that came from a love not returned, or a love returned but unfulfilled. Chaos would ensue. The order set by countless generations before would have been undone had one chose to express their truest desires for what their heart longed for. Her father had to have known the history…hard to have seen the looks in their young eyes. And yet he encouraged it. He let them play, let them forge their bond. He said nothing as the planted seed began to sprout but nurtured it and watched it blossom.
The roots ran too deep to pull and in acknowledging them they anchored deeper.
She placed her hand over his on top of her shoulder, daring to slip her darker digits beneath his ashen own. Still, X’yrin couldn’t look to him, not yet. Though she knew all that she wanted to say, it was in fear of those words, in complicating further what was already beyond concealing that she kept her eyes averted and her lips momentarily sealed. Until she made a decision. She sighed softly. “A bond can run both ways… if it began that way, then it would not cease. But…if it would spare the forgers of that bond pain, then…perhaps it should be denied. Never forgotten, but resting on the threshold between what is and what isn’t. Waiting for the tip in either direction. It would be there…though it is not enough for one or the other. It would keep the forgers what they are. Part of their families…but together tainted.”
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