long ago, it seems so long ago - Printable Version +- 'Souls IPB Archive (November 2007–October 2012) (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb) +-- Forum: Dead IC (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=110) +--- Forum: Dead Topics (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=21) +--- Thread: long ago, it seems so long ago (/showthread.php?tid=31434) |
- Colibri Haki - 09-19-2012 [html] 18 Sept, late afternoon. omg longest intro ever, i'm sorryyyyyy. i just got so excited!
Now she could sense that her sister's pups would be born soon, very soon, and she needed to leave their home to give them room. She wanted so badly to be with Lilin when the time came, but she knew her sister was much braver than she was and would be perfectly all right without her. It was selfish to stay in the young couple's way any longer.
They were ready to be moved today, her daughters to be carried one by one in her jaws to the small home that would be their den. She slipped out the door of the Virdings' home, surprised by the crispness in the air. Fall was almost here already, and she needed to protect her flowers from the oncoming frost... but she had more pressing matters at hand how. Being away from them even for this short time made her anxious and unhappy, her budding instincts urging her to stay with them to keep them safe. But they were safe with their aunt and uncle, slumbering peacefully in the spare bedroom. They hadn't even noticed her departure. The small brown wolf moved quickly through the hillocks, skirting around the houses she knew to be occupied. Her home was at the farthest reaches of Jordheim, a privacy she would appreciate more than ever now as most of her packmates had no idea she had been pregnant at all. She had preserved her shameful secret as best she could, keeping to herself and wearing a cloak when she went out. It was a lonely vigil, but Lilin kept her sane, the two sisters growing close and spending much time together. Coli hoped their litters would get along the same way, playmates and extended family. She nosed the door to her small house open with difficulty -- it was always getting stuck -- and arranged the pile of furs on the straw pallet into a makeshift nest, pawing at them until the new mother was satisfied. There was nothing else she needed to prepare, the windowless house had no furniture and precious few possessions. Then she slipped outside, stumbling unsteadily as she paused to catch her breath. She was so groggy, her head was spinning... She sank to the ground, resting her chin on her paws as she waited for the spell of weakness to pass her by. This excursion was the most she'd moved in days. She stared wordlessly at the flowers she had planted in the hill that surrounded her house, her tired gaze resting on one of her sentimental favorites, the blue flag iris. She thought it was too late in the season for it to bloom, but it had one stubborn blossom clinging to life anyway, the sprawling petals a rich indigo hue. She had carried that plant from the former Crimson Dreams territories in the spring, one of the last living links she had to her old pack. What had made it bloom now? The frost would kill it. The sight of the iris invoked a sad stirring in her chest, and she looked away, studying the grass instead as she rested. Wearily, Coli rose to her paws, padding along the path into the heart of the village. The sooner she brought her daughters home, the sooner she could sleep curled around them. She was distracted by simplistic maternal thoughts until she caught the faintest scent in the air, a perfume that she could barely remember under all the seasons that had passed since she knew it... but stopped her dead in her tracks. Her bobtail tucked low against her haunches, blue eyes wide in shock. No. She raised her muzzle to the air, sniffing frantically. No, it couldn't be. She would have known. Someone would have told her... wouldn't they? Had she ever told Saul the name? She couldn't remember if she had or not, or if he would have told her anyway. He was one of the only confidants who told her not to give up or move on. If there had been a howl at the borders, wouldn't she have heard and recognized that voice? Or had she been resting...? That scent was the only thing that could wrench her away from her pups, and without thinking, she immediately began to follow it. The trail was faint, as though several days had passed, and there were other scents mingled with it, confusing it. Still, it was unmistakable to her, she could never truly forget it. A distressed whine was emanating from her throat, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. She was led to a corner of the village, quiet earthen houses facing each other. Coli was trembling, standing in the clearing at the center of the houses with a stricken look in her eyes. After all this time, she had given up. She was beyond repair, and had accepted that her one true love would be better off without her. But... how was she supposed to stay away now? Was this real, or had her mind finally snapped from the burden of single motherhood? Coli remained frozen in place, unable to call attention to herself, unable to tear herself away. .coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
- Anu - 09-21-2012 [html]omg these two.... XD [/html] - Colibri Haki - 09-21-2012 [html] <333 oh hello thar muse that suddenly makes me write too many words!!
Coli stood anxiously, gazing at the houses nearby her. A brisk breeze ruffled her fur, stirring up all the scent trails crisscrossing the clearing. There were others dwelling here as well -- it must be Cassia, the swordswoman she had met in the Dreamer's orchard and practically begged to come live here. Then the male scents must be Oak and the other brother, and... Her ears fell back, tail stub pressed low against her haunches. She didn't have the courage to do this, not even now. What was she supposed to say?
I want you back. I never should have left. I am so sorry.
It all sounded so hollow and insincere. There weren't words to explain how painful it had been for her to desert the pack and live by herself for all those seasons. She couldn't bear to be with anyone else at all, running away and away, further to the west... all the while trying to blame Anu for the ache in her chest, for the tears that would not stop. But whose fault could it be other than her own? If she had been better at communicating, letting herself be vulnerable instead of always trying to hide...
It was too late for all that. She was so obsessive, she could never move on and let the past be forgotten; always reliving every little detail, playing it out in her mind and picking apart where she went wrong. With a frustrated huff, she turned away... and came face to face with Anu.
Coli swallowed audibly, blue eyes as wide as saucers. Anu looked just as startled, clearly not expecting to see her there. And yet, she wore the same Frithr pendant around her neck -- had she joined the pack by mere coincidence? Didn't Cassia mention who told her about Vinátta? She had hoped for, well... what she hoped for was never going to happen. Coli could not keep from staring at Anu, the sight of her making her heart leap painfully in her chest. The wolf was smaller than she remembered, older and worn by the seasons that passed her by. They were both older now. But all the old feelings came flooding back fresh and new, and she had to fight off the overwhelming urge to grovel, to beg for forgiveness. She didn't want to be alone anymore. "You didn't tell me you were pregnant... that's why I left," she blurted hoarsely, her voice cracking. When she heard, she thought that Anu loved another, a male that could give her what a female never could. Colibri was never officially her mate, though... had they ever been exclusive? The irony was just too deep, standing here with the obvious scent of motherhood in her fur, her own pups barely four days old and waiting for her to return to them and nurse. If Anu was a spiteful creature, she would leave now, continue the cycle of abandonment. But Coli knew she was better than that. Anu had always been too good for her. She stood awkwardly on all fours, immobilized save for the faint trembling in her fatigued limbs. She had never been more pathetic and small, with her bedraggled fur and tired bruises beneath her eyes. She had suffered a hemorrhage during the birth, and nearly bled out; she needed much rest to recover, and here she was instead, staring at a ghost from her past and waiting desperately to hear her speak. She had never been able to deny Anu -- even now the sandy-grey female held so much power over her, as though she were still the leader of a pack, and Coli her lowly underling. .coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
- Anu - 09-24-2012 [html] <3 [/html] - Colibri Haki - 09-25-2012 [html] =)
"What was I supposed to say?" she replied softly, staring hard at the ground between her paws. If she had come to say goodbye in person, she would have been forced to meet them -- the sons Anu bore to another lover. They both wanted to be mothers, and she knew at some point that was how it had to be, there had to be some male involved to grant them what nature denied, but... it just wasn't fair to happen like that. And as much as that would have hurt her to see, Coli knew if Anu asked her to stay, she would have. She could not say no. Why else would she have left without a word?
She spoke again, and it stung because it was true; they had problems before Anu's pregnancy, and those were due to Coli's unshakeable anxiety. She had uprooted herself from the flower pack, abandoning all the family she knew to follow Anu... she never regretted that choice, even when she paid for it with her tail. Anu had saved her life, after all. But the pressure of meeting those expectations, living up to the standards of a leader's mate, winning over the strangers that had known Anu for so many seasons longer than Coli... it made her long for the simpler times when the Dreamer would simply show up at the garden, or the lake, or wherever else they would meet in secret. They had been so happy just to see each other. No obligations, just spontaneity. Was it so wrong of her to want that back? She never meant to throw it all away... never even thought it could come to that. They were supposed to last forever.
The weight of Anu's words settled over her. Coli sank into a seated position, unable to remain standing any longer. Everything ached, and there was a pounding in her skull, but she dared not show it. If she let down her guard for even a moment, she would fall to pieces in front of the one soul she cared enough to appear strong for. She was still trembling, but she could not discern if it was from her weakened condition or from the emotional shock. Didn't matter. "That... I... I was having trouble adjusting. Th-the new pack, moving in with you, the war... I... just needed time," she stammered weakly, a slightly defensive edge to her tone. Just an excuse, she should never have left the manor to sleep outdoors. She thought of the teakettle with a pang of loneliness. "I... didn't expect you to move on so quickly," she added, cringing even as the words left her. This wasn't how she wanted this reunion to play out. She didn't want to delve into all the blame, and hurt, and negativity... it seemed like that was all Colibri ever brought. She could remember why it took her so long to defect from Dahlia de Mai in the first place: she knew someone like her would only bring Anu pain, and she had been right. Everything was ruined, but she wanted to fix it -- somehow. She had to believe this could be mended. .coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
- Anu - 09-25-2012 [html] omg the dramagreatness [/html] - Colibri Haki - 09-25-2012 [html] draaamaaaa!
It was surreal to actually have this conversation, instead of all the many versions she had rehearsed inside her mind. None of them hurt as much as the sharp tone Anu spoke with, the hardness to her voice. Had she ever spoken like this before? Coli could not recall a time. This was what she wanted, though: to hear the truth. She felt so small, listening silently and shivering.
...My love was not enough, and I came to terms with that.
Her head snapped back up, blue eyes wide with shock. "What? No, that's not... no," she denied, voice quavering. Ugh, this was so difficult! She never meant to hurt anyone... Coli never believed she could hurt Anu, the Dreamer was always so calm and strong and impervious. It never seemed like anything Coli did had any effect. Even leaving, the wolf still led a pack for many seasons and raised her sons all by herself; she had been just fine. It was only when she met Alder that Coli caught a glimpse of what she left in her wake. That clandestine encounter had given her the tiniest bit of hope -- maybe she hadn't ruined everything, if Anu might still care about her. If she had never taken another mate... "...I wasn't enough." A guilty expression crossed her face, and she averted her gaze again, staring instead at the earthen houses nearby. The autumn breeze ruffled her fur, toying with the wooden pendant around her throat. All the nights she had prayed Anu would come here, and share in this new life they had carved out here in the north. She yearned for it so badly, knowing it must have hurt to disband Crimson Dreams. Visiting the empty territory brought tears to her eyes, seeing Rabbit Lake and Haven Manor and the orchard... and Coli hadn't lived there for a full year, so how must Anu have felt? Coli wanted to be the one to welcome her to this new place, to greet her with a smile and show her around, show her the confidence and stability that her Vináttan family had instilled in her. She didn't want to be the same desperate and cowardly traitor that abandoned her lover. But she never really changed, did she?
.coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
- Anu - 09-26-2012 [html] runawayyyy anu lol [/html] - Colibri Haki - 09-27-2012 [html] coli doesn't play fair! :o
The tension reached its breaking point as Anu walked serenely past her, and it took all Colibri's self control not to follow -- to touch her once more, remind her that this was real and their paths had finally crossed again. She wanted to bury her nose in that sandy-grey fur and drown in her perfume. After all this time, the instinct was still strong. But there was another scent intertwined there, and she was struggling to ignore it -- another woman, her jealous mind interjected, but she brushed it aside. Just a companion, a roommate, a friend of her sons, there were any number of excuses she could pretend to believe for now. Instinctively Colibri knew she no longer had the right to touch Anu, but it did not stop her from yearning for the intimacy they once shared.
"I met Alder... in the early spring, when I first... um, got back," she mumbled awkwardly, musing aloud to the open air. One of the very first souls she had spoken to since her solitary journey, and it had to be Anu's son. He had urged her to return to Crimson Dreams and find forgiveness. Would she have been welcomed if she had listened to his advice? She thought it was too late. Now she couldn't bear that thought, and she added the whisper, "He was kind to me. You raised him well." Her voice rose in pitch, desperate to say what she was thinking before she lost her nerve, lost her chance. "I might not be enough for them, either... m-my girls..." Coli swallowed, shrinking miserably against the ground. Her eyes were shut, too ashamed to look at anything, let alone the sight of Anu walking away. "I don't want them to be like me... maybe they can look up to you..." There it was: hypocrite. She had no mate and she was pleading for Anu's guidance, the same courtesy she did not extend when she left the older wolf with her newborn sons. The irony was sickening, and she felt it; huddled against the dirt on her belly, cowering in submission. She deserved admonishment, expected it. She was a mother for all of four days, but she was so fearful she might have ruined them already. They deserved a better role model than their pathetic mother, even if Anu hated her for saying so. .coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
- Anu - 09-27-2012 [html] omg they're so damaged! ;~; [/html] - Colibri Haki - 09-29-2012 [html] we definitely need moar threads like this. <333 but I guess you can close this one if you're done!
Anu was too kind. She lingered and listened, even when the words upset her. She did not rise in anger, as Coli expected or even hoped for; a penitence for her sins, so that they could be absolved and forgiven. Anu was kind enough to extend her mantle of purity to the pups, who would surely appreciate her guidance as they matured. Coli dared not move, look, or speak another word. She was prostrated, laying at Anu's mercy and trying not to cry as she heard the wolfess deserting her. She wanted to give chase. To press past the initial hurt until they could find a seed of trust again, and make this right. Perhaps even the grand romantic gesture she imagined, sweeping Anu off her feet into a kiss... But she was not that person. Colibri was the one to make promises she could not keep. She was the one to corrupt good things, defiling them with her bad luck and misery. Hadn't she already learned her lesson? She wasn't good enough for Anu. She never would be. At least the Dreamer had the good sense to run away while she still could, before she got dragged back into the mess that was Coli.
She lay there for some time, too drained by the encounter to move right away. Her daughters needed her, by now they would surely be awake, and she still needed to transport them to her home. She didn't have the strength just yet -- the anemia exhausted her so quickly, and yet even in top physical shape she doubted she could have handled this encounter any better. They weren't supposed to argue, it should have gone differently. Maybe if they hadn't been so surprised by each other... Already she was replaying everything, the cycle just didn't stop.
"Gods help me, I'm still in love with you," she groaned, burying her nose in her paws. There was so much pain between them, the gravity of their anxiety crushing both their spirits just to be near each other. They both held doubt and blame, and all the negative energy might never dissipate, she had no way of knowing. It wasn't healthy. But Coli had been ruined for other relationships, she could only love Anu -- now and forever. It was an addiction, and she did not know how to quit. Finally, she rose stiffly to her paws, wincing at the ache in her legs. She raised her muzzle to the air and took a long draw of that scent, the perfume she had blindly followed here. Then tucking her bobtail low, she slunk away in shame to her children. .coli001 b {font-weight:bold; color:#74b09f; letter-spacing:1px; } .coli001ooc {font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; text-align:left;} .coli001 p {text-indent:0px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;} .coli001 {margin:0 auto; width:358px; background-color:#fdfcf6; background-image:url(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/ ... oli001.jpg); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #fdfcf6; padding: 170px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size:12px; color:#716d76; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;} </style> Table by Alli!
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