Eaten with Loneliness - Printable Version +- 'Souls IPB Archive (November 2007–October 2012) (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb) +-- Forum: Dead IC (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=110) +--- Forum: Dead Topics (https://soulsrpg.com/ipb/forumdisplay.php?fid=21) +--- Thread: Eaten with Loneliness (/showthread.php?tid=528) |
||||||
- India - 12-17-2007 [html] The little blue house sat tucked in line next to the same house in multiple colors, all of which were washed out by years of neglect. The yards were small patches of over grown weeds, gone brown and brittle from winters chill. She had grown fond of sitting on the steps of the house, leaning against the paint-peeled door frame. It was there on the cookie-cutter street in the midst of the fallen city where she played the scenarios of home back through her thoughts over and over again. In the eyes of her mind she formulated excuses for her actions and angry myths of the actions of those two sorry creatures who named themselves alphas...So twisted had she become. Only when she noticed her neck had cramped into one position did she ever really move. It was like she was becoming part of the cityscape, body first, followed by mind and soul. The alien landscape had taken another strange push into India's mind. Almost daily she was pushing herself through the slow process of shifting, calmly as she thought of darker things. It was like therapy, changing her body while changing her mind. She felt as though the two sides of herself were pulling apart more and more, and she felt better that way. The past in that strange form, the present and future in the comfort of her body. When shifted she took time to rummage through the house, finding little trinkets, papers with writing, photographs of those alien human creatures that stared back at her from beyond their graves. She named them. The little humans in the large photograph above the fireplace was her favorite with eight eyes staring at her. Her seclusion forced her to speak to them to keep herself from always living in silence. There were many beds in the house, and the fabric on them fit together like puzzle pieces. The house was left untouched, as if they merely walked away. The kitchen held those strange metal cylinders, stacked on shelves and tucked away in drawers. She even broke a few, spilling their contents on floor. Some of the cans tasted descent while others weren't appealing at all. She adapted herself to the house in her shifted form. She joked in her mind that the aliens were taking over. The rest of her days were spent wandering around. Pushing past forgotten pieces of other lives, or delving into the forest around. She walked farther and farther every day until she felt the need to turn and go back the way she came. Always in a new direction, always empty handed. She ran into few, avoided others. Her existence was ghost-like, caught up in itself, and empty. The day she lit out for another walk she was planning on cleaning the house she called hers. Something about the clutter seemed unnecessary, unpleasant, and unneeded. The trees she passed, though unplanned seemed to fit perfect no matter how cluttered they became. The difference was amusing. She wandered out again. Into the silent wilderness caught in passing hours of every day. Her head was low, eyes foggy in thought, her movements mechanical. She was losing the elegance taught by her parents. It wasn't that it was lost but merely useless. The extra extension of the front legs, the carefully curling of the paw and gentle placement afterwards, she new the movement, gait, and look. No reason anymore. She lashed against the rough bark of the tree with human like hands. She shifted suddenly, leaving her a bit light headed. The memories of the past spilled up right when she thought they were under control. Violent clawing left the tree bruised and bleeding with sap. Her eyes were hyper focused at the ripping of bark. The rough snapping and splintering seemed necessary, good, and in the back of her mind, evil. - Skoll - 12-18-2007 [html]
- India - 12-18-2007 Makes sense now. And thank you or rp'ing with me, haha. What I had planned can happen after everyone finishes finals though. S'ok. [html] Humor seemed strangely foreign. Her mind was so torn between the flinging of splinters and the ghost like apparitions of her past. The brown eyes with the circles of red along the outside stared almost confused at the other wolf. Speech seemed lost in the static of her mind, so noiseless and loud at the same time. The need to gore the tree seemed to slip away as the more primitive parts of her mind slowly crawled back into the far reaches of that shadow inside her skull. With the retreating need to kill came forth her senses. Her eyes went from too wide to lax, heavy with grief, and weariness. The mental change didn't invoke the change of her outward form this time. She presumed it was from being startled. She had allowed all her thoughts into the carnage... The tree bled in front of her. Her eyes shifted from wolf to tree, watching the amber molasses drip in heavy beads down the stark white slashes. She hadn't burst out like that in so long that she felt embarrassed. Her face showed it. She looked down at the strangely human claws, soaked with sap. The pads of her paws had been ripped in areas, large splinters stuck in the skin: the trees revenge. I hadn't even realized that I...I mean I was just... No excuse could be told to the stranger. He looked bemused enough to her. She let her lungs heave out a heavy sigh that released any tension she was feeling. Void of the last bit of anger she let herself give a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Eh, the tree had it coming. What else could she say? She put herself into her stranger's position. Walking through the forest and you come upon a crazy, snarling, she-wolf in shifted form ravaging a tree who had done nothing but sit there. Her embarrassment grew in the pit of her stomach. With her thoughts calming and her body aching, she could only hope that her stranger would understand. She felt her body slipping out of the two legged form. It took so much time to go in and out for her that he probably wouldn't notice right away. It took hours. How had she jumped from one form to the other just moments before so quickly? The whole thing seemed puzzling. She let her body stand for a second before leaning against the decimated tree. It was thin and a few more minutes of ripping would have sent it toppling over. She almost felt bad for it. Her form seemed to be melting down, she was slowly shrinking. Her eyes locked on her stranger watching him silently. You'll have to excuse me. I'm not use to this... Damn the old pack far away for giving her this wretched disease. This strange shifting that she didn't understand. Wolves weren't suppose to stand on two legs. It had seemed that most of the wolves here preferred their two legged form, claws to paws. She hadn't been living in the strange form but for a few hours every day. It was long enough since she preferred sulking in her smaller frame out on the porch. Her mood shifted in her like a snake, the confused look on her face moved to something close to utter depression. She lowered her head and stared at the ground, letting her body slip down to slump against the tree while sitting. She felt tears well up in her eyes and she wiped one away, growling as the salty tears burned the open wounds on her hands. Don't mind me. Just been a rough few months. Hey, what do you have there in the satchel? She longed to make him take his eyes off of her, change the topic, speak of other things. Just don't leave...I can't stand to be left alone! Her thoughts betrayed her eyes. - Skoll - 12-18-2007 [html]
- India - 12-18-2007 Haha. :> [html] He read her thoughts easily enough. To her surprise he seemed to sympathize and understand her quarrel with inner demons and annoying self involved issues. Her chest rose and fell letting her heart slow down from the entire situation. He wasn't pointing a finger, nor denying what he saw. Somehow he managed to put ease to the embarrassment easy enough. She smiled genuinely when he tried to hand her the little whittled object, resembling a fish or some aquatic thing, and immediately began plucking the tiny daggers of wood out. They slid out with little effort and once the lot of them were removed she began licking away the blood, cleaning her pads, and hoping they wouldn't get too sore. Every wolf I've met here is always in that two legged form. They do so many things that humans did, use their weapons, learn their skills. I haven't seen such things. I guess we're more primitive where I'm from. I like that piece you are working on though. Her old self filled her body. She stood shakily, the slow transition halted as she moved closer to the other wolf. Her dark red fur was falling in her eyes, extended past her shoulders and down her back in curly tendrils. She scratched her nose with a claw, smiling Thanks for not acting like what you saw didn't happen. I think I would have darted for the hills. She let a throaty laugh escape her mouth just before reaching out and hugging the male tightly, smelling his scent, and drawing away. My name is India. Sorry you had to see that though. I was remembering how my parents use to make me walk so as to get a mate and because it was tradition. It was just funny how all that I use to know doesn't apply now. It's why I went after the tree, that and I've been, well, alone for about three months or so now. A gusty wind blew up and tossed snow into the air. It reminded her of how much she hated the cold. It did make her paws go numb which made them ache less. Her fur was longer on two legs. It fell thick around her head and neck, down her back. She didn't understand other parts of the change, the breasts that formed, or how she even kept her balance. The white fur that went down her stomach was catching the snow and causing her to have to shake it out. She didn't want to be wet and cold. She grumbled to herself, continuing to wipe off the snow until she felt it was sufficiently done. So you're a warrior. Is there a war going on? If not I guess you're on a break, huh? She smiled again, letting it go up to her eyes this time. She noted the scars down his frame. Mostly along his face, chest, and forearms. Some where thick and others long, just deep enough to scar. She let her claw run over the hidden scar under fur, on her right flank. The scar went deep and snaked around her leg. Her fur was long enough to cover it. She didn't like the idea of her beautiful coat being torn apart. The shadowy part of her mind beame eager at the sight of his scars, as if drawn to them. The shadow peered out of her eyes, calmly making her run claws over his scars. She pulled away letting the shadow tumbling back. It belong in nightmares and myths. She smiled nervously, hoping he didn't mind a bit of contact. She had been neglected it that the idea of personal bubble didn't really apply. She knew he probably noticed the shadow in her eyes. He was a warrior after all, and understood the fury only moments before. She feared he might take offense at that wild side peeking out and admiring such wounds of war. - Skoll - 12-18-2007 [html]
- India - 12-19-2007 She's a southern wolf! She loves to hug! Haha.. [html] The scars that ran over the bronze fur seemed to speak to those dark masses that floated around in her head. The places where evil lurked and toyed with the ideas of blood and gore. She seemed to understand them, almost see the scenes that played out. She could almost smell the blood and taste the adrineline on her tongue. She had tasted flesh, found skin under thick fur, but when it came down to it she was no match for several larger wolves. She committed crime and payed for it. Being in front a warrior put those events into focus. For some reason she understood for the first time what she had really done and exactly because in front of her was a wolf who accepted killing. Her eyes seemed to flood with to much emotion like little portals to her soul. India's eyes glazed over in that fog she had been living in the past few months. Her mouth went dry and she spoke in such a strange voice that she sounded as she was going to cry or start yelling. I was barely a year old. My packs aufpasser, and my alphas were neglectful. They had a litter of pups that they abused and tortured. We didn't have a lot to eat at one point, and the pups were dying. My parents, the rest of the red wolves, and the coyotes that were part of our pack left to find a better life. I was forced to stay by my alphas with the other shifted wolves that pledged allegiance to them. I was angry that they hurt their children the way they did, and I wanted to go to my family. I ate their pups. Horror...She spoke the truth for the first time. She looked to the other wolf for some sort of direction as to how she was suppose to feel. Her own feelings were jumbled and scared her. Part of her liked it. Liked the tearing of flesh and devouring those helpless pups; it gave her pleasure. Hurt ran across her face because she realized there was a monster inside of her. How it developed she was unsure, but there it was stretching its clutches over her mind now. That shadow was the need to kill and eat things that shouldn't be killed. She was a murderer. I've never said that to anyone. Not even myself. She paused running claws over her long scar and forced a smile as if to ease the other wolf or herself from what she had just said. Tell me about your scars. Tell me about anything. Just, let's not talk about what I just told you. Was she embarrassed? No, shameful? Perhaps, but she was truthfully scared of herself. The feeling when she licked Arkham made perfect sense now. That evil liked innocents. She could never be around pups again. The thought crossed her mind that she may never have pups of her own since the monster might want to eat them. She ran her claws through her lengthened main, pushing hair out of her eyes, sighing heavily, and the first sounds of a fit slipping out. She felt like she was going to explode or collapse. Frantic eyes looked around and another sigh took it out of her. The need to panic dripped away slowly, leaving mere puddles inside of fear instead of the torrent that she felt moments before. She felt like she was going crazy. - Skoll - 12-19-2007 [html]
- India - 12-19-2007 Yup. She has a long, bloody back story. [html] Thinking back on everything that happened, the reasons why she ate the little ones avoided her thoughts. The situation was bleak, she was starving, and the little pups were festering with cuts and bite marks. She attempted through thick and thin to keep them separated from their abusive parents, to let their wounds heal, but it was all in vain. The little creatures were husks of meat that strove to be released. She had thought to sneak them out unseen but once the others left she had no support to aid her in the moving of the pups. The longer she stayed with them, licking their wounds, the strange taste for puppy flesh began to take over her mind. Looking at the wolf in front of her she seemed to visit the birth of the shadow, that moment where it tore away from the sane. He was right. She had sought the worst revenge possible. The aching she felt for the pups turned to the blackest form of rage possible, so dark that it consumed them to merely prove a point. The knowledge of the shadow seemed to taunt it inside her skull. It slithered around, happy that she knew it was there. It seemed to respond to the idea that if it was known it could pull power and consume the delicate mind. India felt that the he-wolf was trying to make sense of her actions, but how could she really explain them and allow sense and reason to be applied. It couldn't. The shadow was as much a part of her than the shame she felt was, and the only real comfort came from the fact that this other wolf had heard and didn't walk away or turn her away in disgust. She looked to the snow soaked ground as if for confidence to speak again. At least, the ground would never move or hate her. It was revenge...It was a mix of things. The pups had open wounds and I tended them often, it was like...the shadow in me rose from the taste of them. It wanted to be free and wanted to appeal to my better senses. It wanted to eat them, make them go away, and scorn those unjust parents. It is me. That shadow is me, but I don't want to eat wolves...It does though. It likes the idea of it. If it is me then why don't I like it! Why am I sitting here in front of a warrior who slays for purpose where I murder for a taste! That two legged form rippled with shakes and energy. The angrier she got the larger the shadow seemed to grow. The body that shrunk began to bulk into that shifted body where it seemed to grant it power. The shadow wanted a taste. Hands flung over her face, claws digging into the skin to the point of puncture. She saw it right behind her eyelids. A darkness that breathed and saturated her entire being. It liked what was happening. The dainty body of India grew savage looking, claws to long, muscles to jittery that slithered under the skin. She was struggling to hold it back, hold the sanity in her eyes so that it couldn't be seen. Vomit and colors proceeded. She was making herself crazy and the realization slowed everything down. She realized she had let the world around her fog over and become less important. She was stuck in the past. It haunted her present. She seemed to calm down, her body still savagely built, holding back that demon inside. She had control over it, pinned it in the back of her mind where it lashed about unhappy that it didn't release itself. When I shift it has power. You see it don't you. That disease is their curse on me. That putrid disease sits in the back of my mind waiting to come out and consume things! She let the claws fall away from her face, fur hiding the little bloody spots. She wanted someone to understand her but how could they really? Even the warrior in front of her would probably not understand that shadow. She swore it came from the disease. The shadow was inherited from the wretched alphas, eased by the flesh of their pups. She looked at the golden furred wolf, looking for a bit of her madness in him maybe. Hoping that somewhere inside that creature was a similar shadow, something she could relate to, and make her feel less like a monster. - Skoll - 12-22-2007 [html]
- India - 12-23-2007 S'ok. It's nearing Christmas, haha. I know you'll get to it. I almost have your picture complete. [html] If flesh were present, the lack of facial color would have been noticeable. Her eyes went wide at the hint of her own destruction. The shadow in her mind seemed to vanish and fall away, retreating so far to the back of her mind that it's presence fell unnoticed. Her thoughts flashed that it would be fitting for another to slay her for her injustice, but the need for self preservation over ruled her sense of justice. The ember colored eyes took on a desperate look. She didn't want death, but therapy, freedom from the blasphemous creature in her mind. I don't wished to be slain. I hope I can stop it. Insurance would be nice, but I wouldn't dare get around anyones pups like this. I don't want a repeat of what happened. Her voice cracked, and it took great effort to swallow back the sincerity. She felt as if at any moment the wolf in front of her would reach out and choke the life out of her. It seemed so sudden to her, but the reversal into her quadruped form took only mere minutes. Her head sunk low to the ground, tail tucked tightly beneath her. She had no real reason to become so submissive to the male, but all instincts said so. In her mind, she searched for the evil again. It was barely noticeable sitting there, scared in the back of her skull. It wanted to live. How do you fix this problem? How can I slay this creature that is so alive? Do I fight it? Push it so far back it falls out the back of my mind? Or do I do to it the thing it loves to do? Her questions were unlikely unanswerable puzzles that the other just wouldn't know. The would likely fall against the snow and vanish. She knew that the only safe place for now was her little blue house in the city. She didn't have the guarantee, though, of any type of company other than the occasional run in. She hadn't attacked Arkham, so her mind hadn't rotted away. Company seemed to be a part of cleansing herself since being left to her own devices had wrought her mind with the shadow, and the developments of the split personality. The sad thing was she knew it was there, and knew it was only part of herself. She couldn't control it though. Seeking a pack wouldn't be wise, not with her in the condition she was in. It was nearly a catch twenty-two with her having to keep away from others, but needing the company. She looked down, breathing in a heavy breath, letting it calm her nerves. She curled around the lycanthrop's legs, almost lovingly. If you don't mind, could you visit every now and then? I think the company can help me get over this... - Skoll - 12-25-2007 [html]
- India - 01-06-2008 Sorry the response took so long. I had christmas stuff, packing, traveling, and going back to college on my hands. I think we're about done if you want to drop one more post or close it with this one, tis fine. Thank you hun! Oh, sorry it's so short XD! [html] His offer was like a ribbon of hope, and she had doubts in her mind if it could withstand the shadow. A ribbon was so fragile. Her eyes showed the hope, and she uncurled herself from him, padding a few feet away from him, turning to throw him a smile. I would love that offer. I'm not sure if it would work or not, but I would try anything. Send him word if you can. I'll be in the city near the park. Thank you for coming to visit me when you can. I have a nice house with a lot of interesting things in. Welcome to come check it out whenever you can. With that she began to turn to go, letting her anxieties go again. The idea of help was welcomed. She felt refreshed that someone knew of her here, that there was hope, and she had what she considered as close to friend she had ever had. It was only the first time she had ever met him, but he at least showed compassion. With some luck and a good deal of mental work, she could possibly be part of a pack again. The thought traveled with her as she turned and began her journey back into the heat of the city. Thank you! It was said with her back to him, but she knew he didn't need to see her face to know that it was honest and heartfelt. |