One moment she had wished that she was free of these feelings, and then in another she found that she didn’t want them to stop. It was a new sort of excitement, and a new form of joy that Mati had yet to experience. It did not loose its frightening feeling, but it was no longer terrifying. The notion that this was something more then just friendship was not even the scariest of all, and to think that she could be attracted to another female was not exactly something she could wrap her brain around. It passed through her, but quickly and only slowing down long enough for Mati to dismiss it. It shouldn’t matter, for Cambria was everything she could ever truly desire and if she just allowed herself a moment to let the fog clear and concentrate less on the immediate feelings of rushing warmth to her face or the fluttering of her stomach Mati might have been able to think through it logically.
But she was wrapped up in the moment, just as she had been with the coyote woman. The fear, the confusion it all existed but Mati was beginning to see things more simply. Her mind had given up, allowing her body to simply feel what it desired to feel without its intervention. It couldn’t go on any longer submerged in the giant ocean of anxiety that stemmed from her unknowing and insecurities, and Mati had to make a unconscious decision. Save the thoughts and the worries that plagued her, or reject the quickening pace of her heart, and the butterfly wings that tickled her stomach. To keep her consciousness alive and all those thoughts of reason and thoughts of her security she needed to leave the situation and separate herself from the source. In the end saving her heart from any pain was not worth the loss of this moment.
Cambria spoke, and Mati felt a growing pressure. It needed to be perfect, each brush stroke propelled by a hand dedicated to showing her that there was no flaw in who she was. Her breath came more steadily now, and as Cambria stepped forward Mati felt the air lock in her chest. Unsure how close the other female would come Mati did not breath until the step was completed and Cambi remained still. “I think I can finish it in a week of so.” Mati responded, eyes glancing from the girl’s face to the table. The papers were scattered all over, as her submitted mind’s thoughts were just scattered at every corner of her brain. Looking back at the female Mati caught sight of the necklace she wore, swallowing she asked “I never asked if you wanted your necklace in the picture.” As she said the words Mati looked more closely, letting her hand rise as it had that day she had hurt her finger and she thought tentatively about touching Enzo. She reached for the silver charm, unsure if Cambria would flutter away like the dove would have.
“Its really pretty.” She commented, eyes looking upwards to catch the sea green of Cambria’s.
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