(333)
I got a scar where all my urges bled
Tayui nodded, returning Gabriel’s acknowledgment with the subtlety and grace she had once possessed. It felt like it had been a former life for all of the violent and crass anger that was brewing beneath the surface. She hated it and she loathed how she could hate hate. She hated how these negative emotions only bred more and how she longed to return to what she had once been. Again, she returned to the same conclusion: she was conceited.
She took a few steps closer, wishing her legs would let her move in more eloquent way. She wished her movements could again echo the words she read, but most certainly not the words in her head. She was a bitter, raging mess. She glanced away for a moment and tried to offer Gabriel some semblance of respect with a lightly bowed head and averted eyes. She pulled her head back up after a moment to see a storm raging in the leader’s eyes. This sparked a new kind of jealousy in Tayui she had all but forgotten: a desire to lead again. If only she were in her right mind. If only she were peaceful.
She frowned and shook her head in response to Gabriel’s question.
“Perhaps,” she replied. “Home is feeling farther and farther away lately. But my daughter returned home.” She added the last almost to invalidate her original statement. In the last three months, home felt wrong. But suddenly, with the chance for a real home with her daughter returning only hours ago, it seemed like there was a possibility for her den to become real again. A home, not just a den or a hole in the dirt; but she didn’t really believe it. She just wished she could, like she had believed in so much when she had first joined Jaded Shadows. She’d been scorned, but a fool; and now, she had been once again scorned, but she knew she was a fool. What a difference that made.
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