776, that’s ok =)
Astryds head hung as she felt the female move away, why? She didn’t mean any harm. She simply wanted to be close to her, feel her soft fur and spell her intoxicating scent a little closer. What was the harm in affection? With a sigh she sat, feeling completely and utterly devoid of thought, but filled with an overwhelming emotional thunderstorm inside of her little skull. The movement of her was like a strike to her chest, her heart had been encased in honey that suddenly changed to thorns, causing her to bleed emotionally. She didn’t really know how to deal with it, and suddenly those angelic words became almost sour sweat as they continued to march from her lips.
How could someone so soft, so beautiful, cause her such misery. Perhaps she had gotten ahead of herself. She hadn’t meant any harm, but it appears she had caused some discomfort for the other female. She didn’t want that. Oh why couldn’t she see it the way astryd did? She didn’t want her moving away from her! She wanted to feel her warm softness close to her and her wet nose nuzzled in her fur as well. All she desired was a little affection that her life had been completely devoid of. She took a deep breath fighting to control the emotions that were continuing their thunderstorm within her mind. She couldn’t let her know how much she had just hurt her, could she?
Perhaps this entire friendly thing was still a façade to attempt to lull her into a false sense of security? She scolded herself for telling the stranger so much and not being more careful with what she allowed. Her eyes felt heavy and her body too large for her limbs to hold. Her own mind poking holes into her already self-conscious state. Maybe it’s because you’re too ugly, maybe it’s because of your leg, her mind taunted with ease, striking for critical blows at the young wolf. Either way astryd she doesn’t want you, you fool, can you not see that? She doesn’t like you, why else would she step away? Why should someone be allowed to have words like that, that effect another, why must she speak like that?!
She was like a confusing mix of compliments and firewalls. Why couldn’t she get through? Her mind snickered and taunted her; you already know why astryd...it said simply. Were all females this cruel? Maybe she ought to make some excuse and leave before she upset the other and herself further. She felt entirely awkward and out of control of her stance, she was a bit slouched and feeling pretty awful. She watched the other closely, trying to guard her mind from her soothing words, she won’t trick me again, astryd thought with determination. Why should another have such ease to control her? These thoughts were all a scam of her trying to maintain some composure; she’d rather melt into a puddle of emotion and be done with it.
”I haven’t been here long, Conor is wonderful but I still don’t really know him that well. And no I haven’t really had much of a chance to meet the others, they all seem so…preoccupied with their own things and life. I have no idea what the pack history is, I feel like an intruder as it is. I cannot hunt, my skills are mediocre and I can’t seem to get my mind around the way this world works.” she fought to keep her voice strong and not to let it quiver with her emotion. Could the she-wolf read these sad amber pools like a book and see the hurt she had caused in 2 simple movements? Was it not apparent that the white and grey sooted creature had meant her no harm?
Astryd felt completely deflated, someone could have poked a pin to her and not have gotten a reaction. It was as though someone had come and sucked out everything but conflict from her. Maybe there was something wrong with her, that she couldn’t see or tell and that’s why her parents left her and that’s why the crone disappeared. Maybe her parents sent that bear to finish off the job. Or to use the scar to mark her as useless so she wouldn’t get accepted anywhere. Maybe there was nothing so complicated to it, and that the other female simply didn’t like her or want anything to do with her or wanted to use her as a tool to invade the packlands more easily…Why did life have to be so complicated?
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