He still could, if he wished. The thought made the male feel a bit more at ease. Alder did not know what he would do to help, but even watching the door would be a necessary task. He could keep an eye out for acquaintances that wished to pass by, or visitors that came with strange requests and did not know that there was a female in labor within the wall of his house. Alder could be a fairly decent doorman, while the others worked to give the new mother support. The boy would practice his growl for the occasion.
The warmth of the fire was now touching his skin, and he felt flushed and pressured by this newly found realization that had been slowly coming to him and now just understood. Haven's words left the choice on his shoulders, a responsibility that he hadn't felt before. It was responsibility, not just a task that was laden on him in which he did not think that he was capable of completing. This was the future for him, something that he had not thought about before. He always looked to Anu, always saw the Dreaming pack in the vision of his future. But in those pictures he didn't even see himself grown, but the other as adults and the pack as growing and moving forward. Where would he be? The question hadn't really made a difference in the past. He had always figured that he would just come along, or that where he stood was good enough. He had learned now that it wasn't, his mother knew it, and had she sent him to find this out too. The pack was his crutch. Just like Haven said.
I don't want them to be my crutch. He admitted, Anu, Mati. They had both coddled him. His mother telling him to seek Haven out was the first true push she had given him. Like a fledgling from the nest, she had demanded that he try to fly. Alder never saw a mother bird holding the wing of a nestling. And he did not ask Haven what he should do, though the urge came over him. He knew that his brother would not have the answer, nor would he give him an easy out. For the first time in his short life the large youth felt the weight of a choice, a life changing choice and knew that there was no hiding from it. There was fear, a great fear that Alder almost quaked from, but he could see that fear would only trap him.
I can't go back there. There was sadness in his voice, the lake-blue pools on his eyes were now swimming with unshed tears. He knew he couldn't though, not for good. There had to be another way, another choice then just simply returning to Crimson Dreams.
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