04-26-2011, 07:43 AM
OOC:
It's pretty important for you to make sure you're patient when roleplaying. :3 I know this is your only thread right now, but partners in roleplay can't always reply, and there are some days where none of your threads will have replies here at 'Souls -- it does happen. You can always make new threads, but right now, it would be prudent to focus on this thread and making your posts as good as possible -- you can also take your time in replying and don't feel pressured to reply immediately.
Your first post is filled with great detail, but it seems to happen over a long span of time -- when you roleplay back and forth with another person you can't always make time pass so quickly and write about the action, so when interacting with others you can always give more detail -- for example, when Lunatoke reacts submissively, you could describe her body lowering and her ears folding back. The Essentials page on the RP Guide details many additional things you can write about. It helps your fellow player to give detail.
Another small detail regarding the understanding of Luperci -- in your first post, it seems Lunatoke is tired but she continues to shift from one form to the other. Shifting does take a bit of energy, as quoted from the RP Guide:
Just thought you should take note!
Also, I've inferred from your opening post that Lunatoke would smell like smoke, but I'm not sure whether she's just escaped a fire or the fire was some time ago. It can help your fellow roleplayers to give a bit of reflection, perhaps on the fire that Lunatoke is running from, even in posts that don't directly react to such action. I didn't have Enlil mention the smoke smell, but if the fire was recently, maybe he can inquire about the odd smell, if that's okay with you?
Thanks for being patient and working with us a bit here. An administrator will be sure to get you properly and fully accepted to the game soon, but we still recommend that you continue to work on your post content and the general length of your posts. If you need further assistance with anything regarding posting and writing improvement, please send a PM off to this account.
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IC:
She seemed uncertain of him -- her voice shook, though whether it was fear or tiredness, the wolf did not know. Still, he was wary of her, too. Despite his wariness, he was determined to be friendly -- she didn't seem aggressive and he was quite lonely after traveling alone. His ears pricked upwards and his eyes remaining on her in curiosity, though he respectfully avoided directly meeting her gaze. His sharp mustard-yellow eyes instead roved around the small shelter, taking in her setup with interest -- though it seemed thrown together rather haphazardly, it seemed extremely comfortable after sleeping out in the open for so long.
"Thanks," he said, a smile drawing across his tan-hued muzzle. She didn't seem too proud of her shelter, but he marveled at it. "I'm Enlil Kaveh. Who are you? Where are you from?" he remarked, unable to help himself from rapid-firing questions at her. He was starved for conversation -- after growing up in the mountains with his mother and siblings, he missed company terribly. Not to even speak of his family, the very canines he missed more than anything.
Still, here was an opportunity for conversation -- and besides, this was a great place to rest. The rocky overhang would have provided shelter from any rain, though the male did not think any were on the way. The skies had been clear and cold. He suddenly realized there was an odd smell -- it was coming from the stranger herself. It was not altogether unpleasant, though he had yet to recognize it as the lingering smell of fire. He did not inquire upon it to avoid offending the she-wolf -- after all, demanding to know what that smell was might well get him kicked out of this comfortable resting place -- and instead waited patiently for a response to his first question before inundating her with another.
It's pretty important for you to make sure you're patient when roleplaying. :3 I know this is your only thread right now, but partners in roleplay can't always reply, and there are some days where none of your threads will have replies here at 'Souls -- it does happen. You can always make new threads, but right now, it would be prudent to focus on this thread and making your posts as good as possible -- you can also take your time in replying and don't feel pressured to reply immediately.
Your first post is filled with great detail, but it seems to happen over a long span of time -- when you roleplay back and forth with another person you can't always make time pass so quickly and write about the action, so when interacting with others you can always give more detail -- for example, when Lunatoke reacts submissively, you could describe her body lowering and her ears folding back. The Essentials page on the RP Guide details many additional things you can write about. It helps your fellow player to give detail.
Another small detail regarding the understanding of Luperci -- in your first post, it seems Lunatoke is tired but she continues to shift from one form to the other. Shifting does take a bit of energy, as quoted from the RP Guide:
Quote:Shifting takes a bit of energy no matter the time of the month or energy level of the individual. Luperci are not able to swap quickly back and forth between forms. If a Luperci shifts numerous times consecutively, s/he may faint from the amount of energy eaten up by the shifting process.
Just thought you should take note!
Also, I've inferred from your opening post that Lunatoke would smell like smoke, but I'm not sure whether she's just escaped a fire or the fire was some time ago. It can help your fellow roleplayers to give a bit of reflection, perhaps on the fire that Lunatoke is running from, even in posts that don't directly react to such action. I didn't have Enlil mention the smoke smell, but if the fire was recently, maybe he can inquire about the odd smell, if that's okay with you? Thanks for being patient and working with us a bit here. An administrator will be sure to get you properly and fully accepted to the game soon, but we still recommend that you continue to work on your post content and the general length of your posts. If you need further assistance with anything regarding posting and writing improvement, please send a PM off to this account.
------------
IC:
She seemed uncertain of him -- her voice shook, though whether it was fear or tiredness, the wolf did not know. Still, he was wary of her, too. Despite his wariness, he was determined to be friendly -- she didn't seem aggressive and he was quite lonely after traveling alone. His ears pricked upwards and his eyes remaining on her in curiosity, though he respectfully avoided directly meeting her gaze. His sharp mustard-yellow eyes instead roved around the small shelter, taking in her setup with interest -- though it seemed thrown together rather haphazardly, it seemed extremely comfortable after sleeping out in the open for so long.
"Thanks," he said, a smile drawing across his tan-hued muzzle. She didn't seem too proud of her shelter, but he marveled at it. "I'm Enlil Kaveh. Who are you? Where are you from?" he remarked, unable to help himself from rapid-firing questions at her. He was starved for conversation -- after growing up in the mountains with his mother and siblings, he missed company terribly. Not to even speak of his family, the very canines he missed more than anything.
Still, here was an opportunity for conversation -- and besides, this was a great place to rest. The rocky overhang would have provided shelter from any rain, though the male did not think any were on the way. The skies had been clear and cold. He suddenly realized there was an odd smell -- it was coming from the stranger herself. It was not altogether unpleasant, though he had yet to recognize it as the lingering smell of fire. He did not inquire upon it to avoid offending the she-wolf -- after all, demanding to know what that smell was might well get him kicked out of this comfortable resting place -- and instead waited patiently for a response to his first question before inundating her with another.