05-20-2008, 02:27 AM
[html]
[/html]
http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk42 ... bottom.jpg) no-repeat bottom center; color: #B2AD83; border: 2px solid #C0C0C0; outline: 2px solid #191007; padding-bottom: 70px;">
Laruku was probably wrong about a lot of things, but knowing that didn't stop him from forcing whatever beliefs were easiest onto himself. The truth was whatever you wanted it to be, and he wanted it to be simple. So it was: there was nothing out there, just as there was nothing here, or anywhere. Where he was and wasn't didn't matter anymore now that he wasn't formally a part of anything. Belief was cheap. He didn't need to invest much there anymore.
What had life done to him indeed? Or rather, what had he done with his life? Murphy's Law applied was all. Bad luck. Bad faith. Bad blood. Who was there to blame anymore? Himself? Everyone else who'd contributed something to his misery, whether on purpose or not? Did it matter? Briefly, the hybrid considered telling Iskata everything. He could tell her about the demon in his head and all of the awful things he'd done. He could tell her about Ire's murder and about the thick scars across his throat. He could tell her about why he should have died that morning. But what good would telling her anything do in the end? By now, Laruku knew his cousin well enough to know that nothing would deter her attention from him, so what was the point? Telling her anything would only perpetuate the pity and the concern and the whatever else she was smothering him with now. It was thick in the air, heavy.
He could spare her all the gory details. She had enough to worry about.
Laruku was probably wrong about a lot of things, but knowing that didn't stop him from forcing whatever beliefs were easiest onto himself. The truth was whatever you wanted it to be, and he wanted it to be simple. So it was: there was nothing out there, just as there was nothing here, or anywhere. Where he was and wasn't didn't matter anymore now that he wasn't formally a part of anything. Belief was cheap. He didn't need to invest much there anymore.
Everywhere's the same,he insisted quietly, though there was no real argument in his voice.
There are forests and valleys and mountains and cities. There are wolves and coyotes, dogs. And shit happens everywhere. It's all the same.It was probably why he'd stopped fantasizing about running away after a while. There was no where to go that was better. Even Whitecastle was probably, to some extent or another, a pretty little lie.
What had life done to him indeed? Or rather, what had he done with his life? Murphy's Law applied was all. Bad luck. Bad faith. Bad blood. Who was there to blame anymore? Himself? Everyone else who'd contributed something to his misery, whether on purpose or not? Did it matter? Briefly, the hybrid considered telling Iskata everything. He could tell her about the demon in his head and all of the awful things he'd done. He could tell her about Ire's murder and about the thick scars across his throat. He could tell her about why he should have died that morning. But what good would telling her anything do in the end? By now, Laruku knew his cousin well enough to know that nothing would deter her attention from him, so what was the point? Telling her anything would only perpetuate the pity and the concern and the whatever else she was smothering him with now. It was thick in the air, heavy.
He could spare her all the gory details. She had enough to worry about.
They don't need me,the lone wolf continued on instead, speaking of his family.
Everyone can take care of themselves.Laruku did not meet Iskata's eyes.
They don't need me,he repeated,
They never did.Red eyes continued to gaze forward at nothing.
There's nothing you can do for me. And that's okay. You don't need to worry about me.It was a wasted effort. And he didn't deserve it anyway.
[/html]