09-18-2011, 01:08 AM
Saxif had lain upon a branch near the border of her foreign home for a better part of the day. She missed being in AniWaya, since leaving it felt that nothing was right. Her mind had constantly fallen into a depression she had never known; would things ever be right again? Her dreams as of late had been terrifying and disturbing often she saw her mate’s other whom she couldn’t bear to see. Often it ended with Saxif’s rage and guilt, blood often drenched her fur. The dreams so vivid and surreal that she awoke deeply saddened and troubled. She missed the way things use to be, the way her heart beat around Shiloh, the way her body felt stronger prouder to have her by her side. Now she felt nothing but fear, terror and disbelief like it was all nothing but one long nightmare. She had been weeping often which had been a very noticeable change if anyone were to ever see it. She had not only been avoiding her mate but those that inhabited this land. If things were different, circumstances were changed she would have loved it here she knew it... but things were not as she wanted them. She rubbed her chest and felt the pain rise up again within her heart; she ached for Shiloh’s love, her touch, every bit of adoration that often caused her own heart to skip her pride to explode just to have her. She knew it was still there for the gray female but Saxif feared she had lost it within her own heart, she just was not sure anymore.
She had not spoken to her for so long; she had not slept in the home that was supposed to be theirs since the first week of arriving. She couldn’t stand the foreign expressions; the strange look in the female’s eyes sometimes she swore even the scent was different but felt it was her imagination. It all just reminded her of tales of demons that her mother and grandmother told her. Saxif chuckled half-heartedly she had never been one for superstition for ghost stories and such but when it seemed to be happening to her and the one she loved it horrified the pale wolf. She rubbed the spiral wound a constant reminder of the night things had changed forever. She understood slightly the pain that her mate often felt for her own scars. That was it; no more... she needed to see her, needed confirm she was still safe. She leapt from the branch embracing the pain of the long fall. It was obvious in her body just how much of her pain she focused in her training, in her obsession with perfection. Hunting, running, target practice, push-ups, pull-ups, etc. Her body was more muscle than anything the shapely figure more apparent. She knew if she kept it up she would damage her body but she just couldn’t stop.
She shifted to her lupus form as she often did when she snuck “home”. She felt she could only love her mate from a distance her heart pained by Shiloh’s change. Not just the change in her mind or soul but the change in her body as well. The stress was clear, the pain so obvious in the slender form of her emaciated mate. She always left her food but it was clear she was not eating it, she brought her wood to burn but she never burnt so at night Saxif often set a fire to keep her warm. She wanted to do more but she feared if she ever came into contact with her again she would lose that feeling she felt deep in her heart. That special place reserved just for her mate. The house became apparent in the distance. Her heart beat faster knowing she would be awake. She had to push herself to quietly open the door but when she did it was easy to move forward. Her paws made no sound she knew every creaking board on the way toward Shiloh’s room. She usually waited until night to see her; she would sit at the side of her bed just watching her breathe remembering every detail of the time when everything was perfect. Often she left if the scarred girl stirred even the slightest.
She noticed something near the slightly open door and knew just what it was from a glance. It was the fox Shiloh wore around her neck. For it to be on the floor was unheard of... she had never seen it leave her neck. She lowered her head her chest aching... Shiloh is in deep pain. That act, the thoughts, the extra bravery to see her mate during the daylight hours was enough.
That was it... she could not avoid her any longer... whether she was walking into meeting the other that had finally taken her love from her or to see her mate just as she did at night, that was it. Shiloh needed her to be there for her... she took a long breath and the time that passed staring at the wooden figure was unknown to her. She nudged the door open her focus purely on the tiny fox. She did not say a word just took the figure in her mouth and brought it to her mate’s lap. She whimpered and couldn’t handle the distance the light brush of her fur just under her maw was the most contact she had with Shiloh since Kavi forced her away trying to be friends. She wanted the single act to be all for the day but the scent of her filled her nostrils. Almost like she felt no control over herself she pushed her face into Shiloh’s belly rubbing her cheek against her craning her neck to press against her. The lupus hug was awkward not as smooth and natural as they once were with Shiloh. Though it was enough for her... could she leave with just that? She did not know but she knew she wanted it to last forever... to feel her warmth her bare skin. She started to pull away knowing she could not look into those eyes especially if they were not Shiloh’s.
She had not spoken to her for so long; she had not slept in the home that was supposed to be theirs since the first week of arriving. She couldn’t stand the foreign expressions; the strange look in the female’s eyes sometimes she swore even the scent was different but felt it was her imagination. It all just reminded her of tales of demons that her mother and grandmother told her. Saxif chuckled half-heartedly she had never been one for superstition for ghost stories and such but when it seemed to be happening to her and the one she loved it horrified the pale wolf. She rubbed the spiral wound a constant reminder of the night things had changed forever. She understood slightly the pain that her mate often felt for her own scars. That was it; no more... she needed to see her, needed confirm she was still safe. She leapt from the branch embracing the pain of the long fall. It was obvious in her body just how much of her pain she focused in her training, in her obsession with perfection. Hunting, running, target practice, push-ups, pull-ups, etc. Her body was more muscle than anything the shapely figure more apparent. She knew if she kept it up she would damage her body but she just couldn’t stop.
She shifted to her lupus form as she often did when she snuck “home”. She felt she could only love her mate from a distance her heart pained by Shiloh’s change. Not just the change in her mind or soul but the change in her body as well. The stress was clear, the pain so obvious in the slender form of her emaciated mate. She always left her food but it was clear she was not eating it, she brought her wood to burn but she never burnt so at night Saxif often set a fire to keep her warm. She wanted to do more but she feared if she ever came into contact with her again she would lose that feeling she felt deep in her heart. That special place reserved just for her mate. The house became apparent in the distance. Her heart beat faster knowing she would be awake. She had to push herself to quietly open the door but when she did it was easy to move forward. Her paws made no sound she knew every creaking board on the way toward Shiloh’s room. She usually waited until night to see her; she would sit at the side of her bed just watching her breathe remembering every detail of the time when everything was perfect. Often she left if the scarred girl stirred even the slightest.
She noticed something near the slightly open door and knew just what it was from a glance. It was the fox Shiloh wore around her neck. For it to be on the floor was unheard of... she had never seen it leave her neck. She lowered her head her chest aching... Shiloh is in deep pain. That act, the thoughts, the extra bravery to see her mate during the daylight hours was enough.
That was it... she could not avoid her any longer... whether she was walking into meeting the other that had finally taken her love from her or to see her mate just as she did at night, that was it. Shiloh needed her to be there for her... she took a long breath and the time that passed staring at the wooden figure was unknown to her. She nudged the door open her focus purely on the tiny fox. She did not say a word just took the figure in her mouth and brought it to her mate’s lap. She whimpered and couldn’t handle the distance the light brush of her fur just under her maw was the most contact she had with Shiloh since Kavi forced her away trying to be friends. She wanted the single act to be all for the day but the scent of her filled her nostrils. Almost like she felt no control over herself she pushed her face into Shiloh’s belly rubbing her cheek against her craning her neck to press against her. The lupus hug was awkward not as smooth and natural as they once were with Shiloh. Though it was enough for her... could she leave with just that? She did not know but she knew she wanted it to last forever... to feel her warmth her bare skin. She started to pull away knowing she could not look into those eyes especially if they were not Shiloh’s.