Anann could not help but give a light smile at his question, but it was far from mocking. She had waited years herself to know such a feeling and though she knew love she was still unsure how to put such a thing to words. Her own eyes were focused on the horses as well and so she did not notice the signs of Alder’s slight embarrassment at his own question. Anann was not one to often shy from eye contact, but she did not often like the looks she saw in the eyes of others lately. The pity and sadness that lingered in the eyes of others as they looked upon her. She did not want them to feel sorry for her; she didn’t need their pity. But she did need their company and support, even if she would not admit it. She would have truly be lost if it were not for those that still cared for her.
Thinking on Alder’s questions as the silence drew on, though not uncomfortably, brought back many pleasant memories from when she had first met the Russian that had won her heart. In hindsight it was easy to see that the attraction had been there since the first day they had met. At least for her it had. Back then it had all seemed so confusing. She had hardly understood her own feelings and had been so uncertain if Anatoliy had shared them. Getting past that barrier had been nerve racking, but afterwards it was so much more. Anann had never been happier than in the months before Keese showed up, when she had shared her home with Anatoliy. Still there was no simple summary for the emotion itself that came to her mind.
”Someday you will know.” She said softly, but with certainty. ”It can be confusing at first and often hard to distinguish from simple lust. You must trust in your heart to know when it is real. Even then it was not so simple. ”Love is a wonderful, powerful thing, but it can also be frightening at times.” In a way it was a weakness and Keese was right to say she had gone soft. Now that she had know love and had it in her life she feared not knowing it and the emptiness that would bring.
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