I've been down this road and back again...

[Soran Aatte]

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Soran also knew this feeling of loss, when a loved one left you. Deuce had dissapeared so long ago, when the ebony lady had been sure that they were living in a state of bliss. True the snowy female had not chosen to go herself, she had been banished after Akumu had read an incriminating diary entry, but still the lady had chosen to go without her, she had chosen to not even give the ebony lady the option of going with her, she had not even say goodbye. The pain was wrenching, even now the tall female wondered how she had managed to survive the loss, she wondered how she had managed to wake up every morning and carry on. Something inside her had died when Deuce had left, but at least the lady had had Conri to fill her life with, to make her still feel of use to someone, to prevent her from curling up and letting the sorrow have her. Conri didn't even have that blessing, didn't even have a small life dependant upon him to stop him from giving up altogether.

But the red furred male did have one wolf who cared deeply for him and would do anything and everything in her power to prevent him from spiralling into oblivion, Soran. Jade eyes followed him as he sat, coming much closer than the obsidian wolfess had expected, gently she took the male's spare hand, clutching it tightly, cupping it with her own, the way that children held hands, at that moment, the slender fae realised that that was what the pair still were deep down, two lost pups, both trying to cope with problems that were unfair and huge and too beyond their control to prevent. She was still a lost pup deep down, sometimes she wished nothing more than to find Becca awaiting her, standing there with that crooked smile of hers, arms outstretched, ready to protect her, even Soran needed her mother sometimes. But that wish could never be fulfilled, Becca was dead, as was her birth mother, there was no one there left to mother her, to act as a guide and a comfort in the way only a mother could, the best the dark fae could do was assume that role herself, both for her and her son who seemed to so desperately need her help.

Soran listened as her son's weak voice formed words, listening to each one with care, he did not know when the babes had been lost, hopefully it had just been a sad accident, hopefully Naniko's betrayal did not have another cruel consequence, a broken heart several times over, the loss of a lover and pups. Gently the dark fae pulled her son's head to rest against her chest as he spoke again. Instantly more pain washed over the ebony lady on Conri's behalf, how awful to feel that it was your own fault, Soran knew that as well, she had blamed herself for so many losses during the course of her life, she was burdened with them, she had never forgiven herself for any of them, but this was different, these had been deaths, they had been her fault, the dead had been caught in the metaphorical crossfire of a battle between her and her father for the most part, this was to do with a choice and betrayal, and it was not Conri's choice to have made.

"No sweetheart, no this is not your fault at all, this was Naniko's mistake, you didn't force her to do this. It was something she had free choice over, it has nothing to do with you." Soran soothed, her voice quiet and calm, she reverted to a melodious tone that she had used on him when he had been a small pup, a soft tone that had calmed him when he had had been restless when he was small. Gently, keeping his head to her chest she began to rock slightly, still trying to calm him in the only way she knew how, reverting to the mothering of a baby, as he seemed just as fragile now as he had then. She stroked his cheek as she rocked him, moving so her head was almost resting atop his.
"I'll stay here sweetheart, I'd love nothing more than to be near my family again. I'm going nowhere, I'll be here for you." She whispered now, her voice still soothing.
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