12-03-2007, 08:29 AM
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She had already been grown the last time he had seen her, but she was even older now, more mature, and it almost seemed like with that maturity came the same quiet cynicalism that said that the world wasn't the place they might have wanted it to be. There was nothing to be found, or at the very least, nothing that could be found just by looking. There was always luck involved and luck had always been an unreliable mistress. For some reason, it was awfully disheartening to realize that even the most innocent and carefree of children eventually learned the bitter truth about everything. Maybe it really wasn't so bad to just lie to everyone, if only they would believe just a little bit longer.
Not that it would really make a difference in the end. Laruku sat down, twitching his tail restlessly. It was ironic really, how much things could change without changing at all. Things had happened in her absence; he probably had twice as many scars as he had before; he had mostly fatherless children; he had lost his mind. And yet, nothing had changed at all, though he couldn't wrap his mind around the similarities of anything. He didn't know why he was still there. Once upon a time, his excuse to himself had been the pack -- there was no one else to lead it and no one else to pass the curse to, but more recently he had become more of a danger to Clouded Tears than anything else, so where was his excuse then? The only logical thing he could come up with now was just that he was afraid to die. He had never considered leaving. He knew there was nothing else out there to find and that nothing would ever find him there.
Red eyes continued to stare solemnly at the snow white femme, so characteristic of the Sadira line.
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She had already been grown the last time he had seen her, but she was even older now, more mature, and it almost seemed like with that maturity came the same quiet cynicalism that said that the world wasn't the place they might have wanted it to be. There was nothing to be found, or at the very least, nothing that could be found just by looking. There was always luck involved and luck had always been an unreliable mistress. For some reason, it was awfully disheartening to realize that even the most innocent and carefree of children eventually learned the bitter truth about everything. Maybe it really wasn't so bad to just lie to everyone, if only they would believe just a little bit longer.
Not that it would really make a difference in the end. Laruku sat down, twitching his tail restlessly. It was ironic really, how much things could change without changing at all. Things had happened in her absence; he probably had twice as many scars as he had before; he had mostly fatherless children; he had lost his mind. And yet, nothing had changed at all, though he couldn't wrap his mind around the similarities of anything. He didn't know why he was still there. Once upon a time, his excuse to himself had been the pack -- there was no one else to lead it and no one else to pass the curse to, but more recently he had become more of a danger to Clouded Tears than anything else, so where was his excuse then? The only logical thing he could come up with now was just that he was afraid to die. He had never considered leaving. He knew there was nothing else out there to find and that nothing would ever find him there.
Red eyes continued to stare solemnly at the snow white femme, so characteristic of the Sadira line.
I don't know,he answered quietly, and it was the truth. He never knew anymore.
I don't even know what there is to think about anymore.Part of him wanted to tell her everything, tell her all of the awful details of his fucked up life, tell her because no one else knew (except the grey lady, you idiot) and would ever know. Part of him wanted to tell her. But the words dissolved on his tongue like candy; she didn't really deserve that kind of crap anyway. No one wanted to hear his story -- he didn't even want to hear it. And he didn't want to deal with any shock, horror, or pity that might follow. So he had nothing else to give.
What are you thinking about?