[M] [AW] I never thought I'd be in bloom...

Augustus · 03-26-2012, 10:30 AM

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ooc It's quite fun, actually. WC:: 898.

Augustus

His eyes were elsewhere when he spoke to her, unable to bring himself to see her face as he did so. He just wasn’t there. He hadn’t planned on bearing his soul this way, in fact, he’d never planned on bearing his soul, but the words just tumbled out. When his eyes finally turned to rest on her face, her eyes, wide, brows raising caused his ear to twitch dismissively. He was what he was, why was she so surprised? He’d admitted to her that he wished to end Terra’s life, that he hated her so completely now, and for what? Just for trespassing? But betrayal was betrayal, no matter how slight, and he still wished to stain his muzzle with her blood. Her presence in the den had become nearly unbearable. His pelt bristled whenever he glimpsed her ruddy pelt, and he had to bite his lip to distract himself. His lower lip was not bleeding now, but it was split from this destructive interpretation of control. He was just so full of anger. What if one day he turned it on Ciara? Sought her as an outlet for his bloodlust? It may not be intentional, but what if he were to lose control, and attack her in a flare of rage? He’d never forgive himself, and despite her dismissal he doubted there was a way to overcome that. He’d seen his own mother emerge from the den to greet the dawn, her body battered and beaten. Paru had been a formidable woman, and would never have admitted to any abuse. She continued on, daring anyone to question her about her injuries, no one ever did, but that was his mother. And she was no normal wolf. She and her father had partnered and raised the pack from nothing. She was an Alphess of note, having beaten and slain challenges from wolfesses younger than she. He doubted Ciara would be able to do the same, but as he looked at her, he knew he would strive to see that she’d never have to face what his mother did. She seemed so sure of him.

His ears twitched to her words and she began to talk. She did not heed his warnings, and he hunched his shoulders and sighed. “This is my pack, and to defend them is my job, nothing more.” He inserted into the pause between her words. “I do it for no other reason.” He was being untruthful now. He did, indeed, care for his pack, but he had to make her see somehow, that he did not deserve her. She was too innocent, and he was neither charming or affectionate. She needed someone who would care for her deeply, someone who would live only to see her happiness, not sulk shouldering a burden of things past, too concerned about himself to take her own concerns into consideration. He was far too selfish, and had little love for even himself. But he could not stop caring for her, in some small way at least, as conflicted as he was. Then, she said it. The words slammed into him like brick wall. Winded, his eyes widened before he flung his head to the side, eyes on the ground. Love? She loved him? His brows furrowed. It all made sense now. But did he love her, truly? Was this the reason why he’d been so adamant on her recovery, why killing her had never crossed his own mind even as she limped in agony at his side. Was this the reason why his eyes longed for hers, why he’d insisted on being there throughout her recovery, why he was loathe to leave her side for even a moment. It was a heavy blow to his already scarred heart, but somehow he’d been yearning for these words. He’d longed for them, selfishly so. That someone could love him…Him! It was so unlikely, so unexpected, and that he loved her in return…Wait, he loved her?! The realization was another blow.

His eyes were wide, was this what this was, what it all came down to? Perhaps this was why he’d wanted so desperately to keep her away, because he actually cared for her, despite telling himself otherwise. Her nose was in his throat then, but he made no move towards her, still in shock. The words did not come for a long while, and he sat stiffly with the very object of his affections at his throat. When he finally regained himself the words still seemed to stick in his throat. He forced himself to swallow, to lubricate his vocals and finally say what must be said. “I will not be the mate you deserve... But if you will have me, I will do my best to make you happy, to love you as much as you love me. I swear to protect you from any danger, even from myself if need be. I- I love you, Ciara.” He pulled away from her, searching for her eyes. “If you’re with me, you’re with me…There’s no turning back.” He spoke one final caution, before he crossed the bridge. “Ciara, bind yourself to me, if you must, but let us end this torment one way or the other.” He set the ultimatum before her, a test for the both of them, but either way this was the point of no return.

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