[M] She's standing in the heart of darkness...

Ciara O'Callahan · 05-16-2012, 07:02 PM

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OOC: Yay, mate time! WC: 635

The last two weeks had been miserable. While her first heat cycle had brought her and Augustus closer together, this one had torn them apart. The first had been the push they’d needed to portray their feelings to each other, but this one had taken those feelings and tossed them into a blender mixed with doubt and distrust. Since the incident with Zalen Ciara had been physically sick each time Augustus looked at her. There was something in his eyes that she couldn’t decipher no matter how hard she tried. Was it anger, or a want for retribution? Would he finally set his teeth on her and punish her like she expected and knew she deserved? It wasn’t repulsion, fear, or hate that made her sick whenever she felt his eyes on her, but panic. She was terrified that each time he looked at her was the time he would cast her off, calling her a cheating bitch and countless other things. It was irrational for her to think these things, as she hadn’t done anything to betray him, but the hormones of the heat cycle were not kind on the stability of her mind.

He had given her no real sign that he forgave her. From the point they’d been left together in the clearing there had been even more distance between them than what they were already battling with. He had moved them to a new den for two weeks, and she had spent that time close to his side, but ever alone. Ciara hated it. She loved him, but she hated herself for the hurt she’d caused him. How could she have survived if something had happened between her and Zalen? If they had crossed the line that hung before them, how would she ever get through it? What she was dealing with with Augustus was hard enough and she had not even cheated. Her days were long and tiresome, and her nights were filled with nightmares of Augustus leaving her, instead of the happy little dreams of puppies and a happy future that she’d been having before the incident.

Tonight, her sleep was blissfully quiet. The exhausted she-wolf was enjoying a dreamless sleep, relaxed for once beside her mate. Her heat was finally over and they were back into the communal den, surrounded by their family. Bit by bit the sickness within Ciara had begun to dwindle, and she’d finally reached the point where she could eat again. Beneath her ever-thinning pelt her form was much slimmer than it had ever been, simply because the girl could not bring herself to eat. All she’d been able to think about had been Augustus, how much she’d hurt him and angered him, and whether or not he was going to leave her. In fact, him leaving her was the first thought she had when she finally opened her eyes at the sound of his voice.

Instead of the subtle cold-shoulder she expected, her bicoloured mate actually stooped to nuzzle her shoulder. That tender touch, the tiny display of affection was enough relief to bring her on the verge of tears. She felt as though his anger, his eyes, his stiff demeanour had been flaying her for the past two weeks and that one gentle touch of his nose to her shoulder was soothing enough to break her fear and guilt. She had to physically stop herself from crying by swiping her paw across her earthen eyes before standing and shaking out her pelt. She had no idea what it was her mate wanted, why he’d decided to wake her. Perhaps he was ready to dish out the punishment she’d been waiting for. Apprehension swirled in her belly, but she steeled herself against whatever was to come.

Yes, love? Came her soft, tentative reply.

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