an "all over the place" post. sorry ><
It was not an easy thing. Just her being, in the current state that he had made for her, was difficult. It changed everything and her life was now altered in a way she had never foreseen for herself. Anu had wished it, wanted to know the feeling and had hoped that this would be who she could become. A mother, more connected to lives then she had ever been. A creator. It would not be gentle to her body, it would bring pain and had brought sickness and it would tell her experienced muscles and bone that she had passed her prime. And it was not easy to tell him. Everything had changed that night, both subconsciously and perhaps even knowingly trying to change the other. But it was not pride that pained her internally to speak the fact that he had indeed won the battle and edited her for eternity. It was that she could not clearly see them returning to the friendship that had strung them together so oddly. She wished things would not end here, and that was why she was here.
He said nothing, for what felt like eternity. And yet Anu watched him. She softened with the passing of the long seconds, her stable nature weakening but her eyes unmoving. This had been a surprise to all. Then, low deep words. Few that pushed them off a cliff into another bought of eternal quiet. But as she listened; where she had been growing self conscious Anu grew to resemble the stone that he mimicked so perfectly. Of course, she wished to say. They would be hers and no others. Colibri did not yearn or want to speak with her, to return to her bed and warm her heart. Her absence was evidence to those feelings. And though she had once wished to share such things with the woman, they needed to be hers now. Only. They will be. She affirmed, voice warm but ragged at the end. Always she worried that they would be lost, ripped from her like the other loves of her life, Anu would protect them until her end and never share them.
His question was not entirely expected, for she had not come here seeking his participation in all of this. A simple answer was easy found on her tongue, but before she could manage to give it she held back. Rethinking. I do not want them to wonder who you are. blue eyes cast to the background, her mind trying to formulate the words to express all her wants and needs. Do you want to be? She returned, but then regretted questioning him. No, she thought as she returned her gaze to his, needing to know what his reaction would be and dreading it. I can’t make you. She spoke, softly and without the calm ocean that she once owned. They were hers, and that would be enough for them. The idea was repeated through her mind again and again. She would be enough.
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