ever know each other [ooc]
And just as he managed something non-asshole-ish... xD
Doubtful that he would... but he can go after her if it's realistic and you want to. She's just bored with this.
[bic] such a softer sin
No wonder her mother had hated him. She wasn't sure how she could even consider what she felt for this male to be love. It wasn't. He was wearing on her nerves, making her colder, making her angrier. She didn't have time, nor patience for this sort of behviour. She didn't want to leave, but she knew that he was getting close to being able to be considered as wasting her time. It was clear that he wasn't sorry for her mother's death, nor for anything else. He'd not loved Aiji Sadira any more than he loved his daughter, herself, standing before her. She had been better off without him. That was not in question. But she was strong willed, and she needed truth. She needed closure. She wouldn't live the rest of her life with grudges towards her mother for what she could not have conceivably told Anya: How Ahren felt. The sickness, the disgust that the male induced... she was perfectly calm now. She still didn't have reasons, but she had emotions, and she had gut instincts. And her gut instinct told her now, that she couldn't control how she felt. She hated Ahren de le Poer.
She just... hated him.
Truth be told, in order to truly hate someone, you have to care about them first. And she knew that she cared about Ahren. He was her father. She felt helpless to control that. But she hated him, for all he was. She knew she'd never be able to hold in the screaming forever. So she prepared herself for the beauty that would be her healing. If she couldn't get answers from this bastard, the ruthless, selfish waste of life that he was, then she would turn him into a verbal punching bag for her own benefit, and then go find her brother. Jasper.
'Ahren's son...' Of course he was Ahren's son. But surely, being condemned to carry not only the de le Poer genes, but also the label... Jasper hadn't been as sick as their father, at least not outwardly, and she felt he might understand this pain. For now, it was her time to let go of the pain.
"No, Ahren, you're not sorry. You're not sorry in the fucking least. Not for raping Aiji Sadira, nor for creating me, nor subjecting me to the same life you live. You can't stand to suffer alone, can you? You have to share the pain. Well, it's my turn now. It's my turn to subject you to what I've lived. If you could call it living, really. " Her eyes were burning in technicolour emotion, and she wasn't going to quiet herself until it was over.
"My mother was too good to you, as much as you feel so wronged. You didn't deserve me. I'm not yours, Ahren. Not everything is for you to take. Maybe someday you'll learn that. But probably not." Her voice was a complete inversion of her normal self. If her old packmates had ever heard her like this, they'd think she'd been possessed by a demon or a spirit of some sort. In many ways, she had been. The ghost of what she was when she didn't try to hold it back.
This was not for her mother, although it could have been. It was not for her poor, pathetic existence, though it may have construed as such. This was not revenge, as she had described it. It was pure, raw emotion, the kind that couldn't be tamed or bridled. It was everything she had ever felt since the moment she first found out what was real and what wasn't. And it wasn't because she wanted him to feel it.
It was because she didn't want to feel it herself.
"You can make your confessions and you can tell your lies. Hell, you might even believe them. But truth be told, you're lying to yourself as much as you are everyone else. You don't care about anyone but you; you don't want anything unless it benefits you. That's how I ended up here. Because you couldn't keep your cock to yourself when it wasn't wanted." Her breathing was ragged. She was screaming; the windows to her soul were shattering.
"You can tell me you're sorry, but I'll never believe it. The only regret you'll ever have is that you couldn't hurt anyone enough to make up for what you feel yourself."
A deep breath, and she raged on.
"Your pretty storybook words don't work on me, Ahren. You can't be diplomatic enough to make me buy your bullshit." Her eyes were shimmering with something sick, something she'd buried for so long. His mindset. His games.
"I'm not your child, sweetheart, but I sure do have a lot of your genes, don't I?" Laughter threatened to ripple through her at this new feeling; she'd never let this out, not since the first time anyhow. It'd scared her mother so bad, Anya had nearly died on account of those personality traits. Now she was going to die without them.
And not the kind where she got to stop existing.
"Let's be clear now. Next time you feel like playing mind games, don't use them on me, because the beauty of it just lost novelty. Didn't anyone teach you, everything in moderation? I guess not. That's what gave me life, after all. And it's what took that of Aiji Sadira. How sad... she didn't beg for you at the end. Are you heartbroken?" A pause.
"Didn't think so." She didn't need his words. She was done here. Next time, he was going to have to come to her... because fucked if she was going to be wandering back into his trap.
"I'm going to go find my little half-brother. Maybe he'll prove to be less of an utter disappointment than you. Pathetic... you disappoint your own child. Isn't that just a little backward." Not a question. There was just one more thing to say, and she made a point of saying it as she turned away and began to move towards where Jasper had gone.
"Oh, and... this is what it means to be loved by someone... Father."
