ever know each other [ooc]
Anya and Jasper inspire happiness in my black, tangled heart. xD
Lyrics credited to Alexz Johnson's "If I Should Stay." <3
[bic] such a softer sin
The boy must've been worried. That thought sent another ripple of laughter through Anya, though this was less of the playful laughter that had sounded when she'd tackled him, and more thoughtful... pleased. There were so many things wrong with her life, her family, her past. But this, the yearling boy who was called half-brother, was something that brought out the best in a girl that had long since resorted to her worst. She nuzzled him lightly, her face carrying something of a grin as she lifted her body away from him and sat up. His words echoed in her head.
'You're okay!' Her eyes lit up, and something, something which was beyond the vicious or the cruel or the emotional or the hurt, was shining there. It had been a long time since she could care for someone who didn't seem to judge her for her heritage or her past. Jasper dealt with the beast called Ahren daily; the boy carried his name, as well as shared bloodline with the dark girl. She wasn't sure of his past, nor of his parentage, but neither truly mattered. He was good, and she could feel that. She smiled.
'Lilium inter spinas,' she thought, her mind tracing the words, echoing them. And he was.
Lily among thorns. The only light in this never ending tunnel of life.
"Ah, yeah," was her reply to his statement, not sure what else to say. Their father, the piece of uselessness he was, had roused her from her turbulence, her tragedy. Could she tell him that? She'd never been one to open right up, but... yes, she could. She wouldn't insult his strength with lies, and half-truths were just as bad. He had been strong enough to seek out the monster of their flesh and blood; he deserved the truth, if nothing else.
"Ahren found me before you found him. We spoke... if you could call it that." She smiled vaguely at him, a sad smile. Her relationships with their father had never been satisfactory. It was cold and silent at best... and violent and emotional at worst. Today was certainly the worst. But it might have been... the storm before the calm? Her eyes locked on Jasper's face.
"He and I don't communicate well," she added, thoughtfully. He looked so much like her father... but he wasn't. And she could feel the good in him... despite his lineage.
Was that hope for her? Or assurance that he was what she couldn't be?
She sighed softly, but she wasn't going to allow herself to be dragged down again. Jasper gave her hope, if not in herself, then in the concept of someone caring about her. Sure, her old pack had given her a home, and something of a pseudo-family. Perhaps because they'd simply pitied her. Everyone knew that her mother had been raving mad, and that her father was a rapist. The story circulated before Anya was even old enough to understand it. But Jasper knew not of her life, her past, or even of her personality past what he'd seen. And still, he gave her something others had not... a true sense of being cared about, rather than cared for. Feeling wanted. And that counted for something... didn't it? He wanted to give her everything he could, or at least thus far. And that was a beautiful thing. Because Anya couldn't begin to express this pain, the emptiness she'd always held tight to. It was all she'd had. If she wasn't angry, what was she? If it didn't hurt, how did she feel instead? If she wasn't cold, could she care? And did she want to? The possibilities were endless, but it had always been out of reach. It had always been just outside her comfort zone.
She'd never dared to try. What if she failed? What if she was wrong?
As she sat there, beside her brother, she hummed a soft tune, and a song formed in her heart and her mind, then found its way to her voice and leaked from her lips. Music wasn't just a coping method, or a way of expression. It was her way of life. It was the reason she still had life. It was life itself.
And she sang, her eyes focused on nothing,
"I ran to you like water; I threw my body in. And I'll stand upon the ocean, just to show you that I am strong... But what if I am wrong..."
