Seek and Destroy

[Micah Sunrise Lykoi]

Posting this up here this time because the code it weirding out if I put it below the post. O_o

Using Micah's appearance as a way to start out your post is a very normal, but useful way to get going. Writing a post is like writing an essay, in a way -- they're hard to start sometimes, but once you get going, you're usually fine. Make a note in your mind not to get blocked on that "starting" obstacle: Be creative and explore ways to keep your first paragraph always new and original. It may just solve your problem with feeling "stuck" when you reply! It might not, though, so let's keep working on that too.

Another step in the writing process is, of course, watching your grammar. There are plenty of grammar refresher websites through Google if you take a look; find one you like and glance it over, if you want.

1) Remember, only nouns are capitalized: persons, places or things (important, physical things, not concepts). "Danger" is none of these (it is a concept); it should not be capitalized.

2) Dialogue is very tricky with fiction writing, but very easy to learn once you get a good example down. Take a look at how I separate my dialogue from regular text: Anytime you have dialogue that continues into the sentence (as in, "he said," "he continued," etc.), the dialogue should be separated with a comma. When you use this method, the "he said" (etc.) should also not be capitalized, as the sentence is ongoing and since there is no period cutting it off, there is no need to start a new sentence with a capital letter. Take a look at my edited version of your last paragraph:

Out of the mass trees and brush the horse burst through, cutting off the path of the speckled boy. The rider on top looked down on him, not with fierce eyes, as he shook his head.

"You are in no danger unless you bring danger with you, boy," he said, his voice completely different from the visage he portrayed. The Frenchman spoke softly, his tone devoid of all threat and malice.

"I'd like to talk to you for a few moments," he continued, hoping he'd at least...

That first bit is very well written, by the way! Another note with dialogue is that typically, if you want to go by very strict fiction writing "rules" (that everyone bends), dialogue should always start a new paragraph. The way I write, I usually do start a new paragraph, unless I flow the text straight into the quote itself, as in blending Jefferson's thoughts about something said straight into a response. Usually, it looks and works best if you create a new paragraph starting with the dialogue if the preceding sentence was a verb or an action. These rules, however, are always up to the player's discretion, as they are very commonly bent and warped, but I just thought I'd let you know. ^^

As you can see, you tend to leave out a lot of commas, so that might be something to look into refreshing yourself as far as grammar websites go.

I also want you to take a look at how I would reword/clean up your third paragraph:

[html]"Wait! I mean you no—" he called, but too late — the boy had already dashed away.[/html]

Making your dialogue a little creative also helps keep up the inspiration for the post. I personally love hard dashes (a straight, unbroken line instead of two hyphens put together - you can get this in HTML by typing —) both in dialogue and in text, as you can see. Having that dash there to cut off his words makes it more effective, even if just a little, but also makes it more obvious he cut himself off in the first place. I also love semicolons, but don't use those until you are 100% sure how they work. Semicolons are pretty much THE most incorrectly used symbol in the English language, and the more one uses them wrong, the worse one gets at learning how they work, really.

Also, remember the general rule of writing: Show, not tell. You've been really good with this so far, but just keep it in your mind as you write. It will help you shape your text creatively a little more naturally.

This post was very well written! I'm wicked proud of you! I can tell you were using the thesaurus and you did so very well; keep it up! ^^
[html]

Still the Lykoi boy scrambled away in a feeble attempt at escape; something about a man in shining silver steel atop such a burly horse terrified the yearling straight to bone. Micah still knew nothing about this 'Souls, nothing about Inferni and especially nothing the clan's neighbors, but not once had he ever considered Inferni was not the worse of the packs out there. Surely if their neighbors were running about horseback in what appeared to be thick armor, Inferni could have been the least of his troubles. Tripping over a tree root, the salt-and-pepper male stumbled several feet, only to finally lose his footing and clumsily go tumbling. He landed flat on his stomach, sprawled in the dirt, heaving heavy breaths — but when his onyx ear flicked at the sound of approaching hooves, he jumped back to his feet and tried to start away once more, but to no avail: The horse and the defender cut him off, and Micah nearly skidded straight into the great black monster as he tried to stop.

Chocolate eyes wide, the yearling stared up at the stranger, his body wracked horribly with panicked tremors. The armored man spoke gently, his voice clear of threat and immediacy, but possessed a certain command and charisma that instantly shook the young Sunrise into submission. Micah cowered back, curls frolicking down and hid his eyes beneath, his mouth agape in pure terror. Clearly he carried no danger to this armored male, but he worried for his life nonetheless; surely he looked and smelled of Inferni, and though Micah did not know it and would never admit to it, being the son of the prince Razekiel made him a prince of the Lykoi and of Inferni himself. He was a key of their ancestry, and in his veins ran the very same blood of countless murderers and madmen.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry," the boy stammered, staggering back a few steps. His heel caught on yet another root, and once more he toppled down onto his ass, staring up at the huge stallion and rider from the ground. At the fall, a few cans of spray paint spilled out of his bag and onto the ground beside him, but in his panic the boy hardly seemed to notice. "I wa-wa-was just going home, t-to Ce-Cercatori d'Arte! I-I-I wa-wasn't hurting anybody, I swear!" He threw his hands up suddenly, pleading. "I d-don't want any t-t-t-trouble! Pl-please don't kill me!"