Word Count » 1097 OOC here: Table & Coding © Sie; Of course I still want this and to prove it I do it out of order and place it before the other replies I must do. But yes, your post made me want to cry cause this was sposed to be happy fun thread and didn't turn out that way
He had set himself up for all of this. He hadn't once considered the female's feelings or desires throughout the whole ordeal but had only focused on himself and how he perceived things to be. The entire nature of their relationship had been something that existed only in his head. It was this realization, along with his other recent losses, that had simply hollowed him out. He had come because he had been called. He had given his word and so he couldn't break it. While he was glad to see Eris again it was also torture. To be this close to what he desired but was unable to have.
"There are bits and pieces of our destiny that we choose. You decided to leave after I had joined. If you had not wanted me near then you could have said so. I would have listened." Even when they had been in Anathema together he hadn't bothered her too often. He remained tied up in his own things to try and get too close to her. After all she had her own family that he as caring for and he wasn't a part of any of that. Still, if she fled because he was in the same pack then he would have left should she have asked it of him. He had left his old pack because of Addison and the murders that had been taking place. It wasn't a safe place for her when she had wanted to start a family, not that such had ever happened.
His fingers made to caress the female's cheek as she leaned it into his hand. She was so beautiful and he couldn't help but to he mesmerized by her. But it was more than just a physical beauty that attracted him. There was more to her that he didn't have the words to explain. "I don't want your body Eris. I mean, I do but it isn't just that. I have been able to go without that. I don't know how to explain it but I want something more. I enjoy whatever time is spent with you, even if it is only sitting in silence. I feel... complete, I suppose, when I am with you." He was fumbling with words. He had no idea how to explain himself exactly. All he knew was how he felt but not the proper way to place it in words. The times before that he had spent with her he would just forget about the world and everything that was happening. It was like no one else existed during those times, only the two of them.
The large male had started to feel a bit better but in a few words that had been completely demolished all over again. Perhaps she hadn't meant it in the fashion that he had taken it but her words had made him feel completely inadequate. Ouija had no idea who his own father was but that had never bothered him until this very moment. "I understand. I am certain you have made the perfect choice. Your children are lucky, as is your chosen. What reason could ever possess you to settle on someone who can't list exact familial ties? You are doing what is best for everyone involved and I respect that." He spoke softly, words laden with hurt. At least now he knew exactly was he was undesirable to her. His imperfection had been placed out there but it was beyond his control. There was no way for him to correct it and make himself adequate. The cult was gone, his mother was dead. There was just no way for him to know who had fathered him. He had never thought to question it before because that was just the way it was. He might not have known which one he was his actual father but all had a hand in raising him. He had a large family in the cult and could turn to anyone in there for help and guidance. It wasn't until outside of the cult did he learn that nowhere else seemed to function that way. And now he was being presented with how what he had grown up with was wrong and made him unfit to even be considered to be with the one female that he desperately desired.
He hung his head and closed his eyes, forcing out the well wishes that he felt needed to be said. "I hope he is taking good care of you and keeping you happy. That he is taking care of all of your wants and desires." While there was the jealousy and heartache that he wasn't chosen even after pledging himself he didn't wish for things to go awry. After all he had only ever wanted Eris to be happy always. And why should he expect her to want and trust him when King had ended up dieing? If he couldn't keep his cub safe then how could he be expected to take care of a litter? A previous one had already been lost when Addison miscarried. So that there was a second strike against his abilities to provide a safe environment.
He was surprised when she pressed herself close to him but he couldn't turn her away no matter how much it hurt and tortured him for her to be within reach and yet still so far away. Sure, he could physically touch her but that didn't matter when he couldn't truly have her. She would just leave him again and who knew if he would ever see her again. "I would like that. And maybe in one I will finally be worthy enough to be with you." He spoke honestly as he slipped his arms around the hybrid female and held her close. "And even if not then I will always be around for you. Not matter what you need you only have to ask." He reached a hand up in order to try to gently run his fingers through Eris's hair. "It is not much but if you find that you ever need someone just to watch the pups long enough for you to spend some time alone with your chosen then I can take care of them for you." He doubted that she would want that since it came across as a pathetic attempt to get closer to her. Still if it was someone else making her happy then he was willing to help out and allow her to have that time to herself to remain happy and fulfilled.
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