horrid

Jefferson Soul · 08-21-2011, 04:24 PM

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For some reason I am proud of this post. Despite its depressingness.

"Jace," he said, a stiffness in his gravelly voice as stiff as his rigid spine, "you don't even know who the hell I am. You don't know the things I've done, the things I've seen. My name is not Jefferson. This life is no more than a goddamned facade."

Raising his head with a false confidence — could it be called confidence? No, it was no more than stubbornness and separation, as if no amount of compliments and worship could yield him from the hateful desires for himself — Jefferson gazed out at the empty lands that had once been called his for so many years. "How had I been so fortunate to live here? To have people decide for me that I was worth following?" he pondered aloud, a mistiness in his single-eyed gaze as he vaguely shook his head. "Was I a leader of fools and dreamers that could imagine even a monster like myself into something picturesque?"

She did not need to stay in his midst. No, she should not, lest he pass on the curse to she. His grandmother had been one in a line of cursed leaders in the lands of his birth; though Jefferson led no part of Clouded Dreams, perhaps the curse lay in his blood. Perhaps it was the reason for his madness, for the amnesia, for the scars and lost limbs. Perhaps he would die himself, soon enough, when the curse decided it needed its end, and he would not fight it. Jefferson Soul deserved nothing less than a death most cruel and condemning. A sinner like he had never deserved to wake up at all; the loss of his eye had never been payment enough for all he had done prior to the amnesia's wake.

"I've killed, I've raped, not in this life but the last," he said. The words meant everything yet nothing to him now; he would not have told the world, and yet proclaimed it as if it was now safe to brand himself publicly the sinner he had always been. He deserved for she to be ashamed of him, to leave him behind, to realize it had been for her own good and all the others' that Phoenix Valley had been disbanded and merged into something where love and peace would be an actuality rather than a false hope by a leader who had never known such a thing. "I sinned alone, and I will die alone. Your children would not grow up under the leadership of a monster. I would not allow it."

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