i just can't hold a smile

Ever Mayawyn · 07-26-2011, 03:05 PM

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angst, angst, angst, angst :3
544

She tossed and turned all night. Every night brought miniscule stretches of sleep, however often or seldom had they come. When she was asleep, she was not still. When she was awake, she was not still. Her mind was battling inside against itself, loosing and winning, and injuring the walls within. The news had come as a shock. A devastating outcome had made her want to ask Saul to personally rip her throat from her neck then and there. But the days wore on, her bearing the information silently.

This night brought no more pleasure than the others did. Ever had awoken long ago, staring and twisting silently in the bed. Finally, she stood and began pacing in the usually friendly, but painfully bright moonlight that night that pooled in from the large window. Her body moved gracefully, back and forth across the floor, expression twisted into that of a pained child. She was in pain, yes, but now she knew why. Her expression spoke of a different soreness.

She had not told the man yet. He had become distant the days following her meeting with Saul. Her heart reached for him, but he was too far away, letting her crumble before him. Ever didn’t know if Ezra didn’t want to be with her because of her subtle mood swings, or if he knew, if he could tell what had happened. He often came home smelling of another woman, someone from the distant pack bearing the scent of death and harshly tinged smoke. Those days she could stand keeping the information from him. It wasn’t like they had planned for any of this to happen. But the more the girl was faced with decisions and thoughts, she accepted, very lightly, but still accepted.

“Ezra, I am pregnant,”

Ever said sharply to the air, not hinting at any pleasure or excitement. She didn’t know if the dual-toned wolfdog was awake, but at the moment, she didn’t care. After speaking, all there was was the sound of the creaking floorboards under her pacing weight and the breathing of both mates. Ever knew Ezra’s answer, but she still spat out the words at him. Her body knew her violent angst was just another mood swing, and that she would eventually and quickly crash, but Ever embraced her prickly mood.

The air was hot and muggy that night, not at all lightening the aura. She knew Ezra would know, would suspect. Saul had smelled it on her when he had first scented her; perhaps Ezra had, or noticed her loss of interest in feasting. If Ezra didn’t want her because she carried his children, so be it. A silent snarl curled back her beautifully auburn dusted muzzle. At first, the girl had not believed the Apothecary. She knew little of children and how they came to be, but knew enough that the grey-sand man had to be lying. Another twinge rocked her abdomen, as if anxious to confirm the man’s theory was still right. Her signs had only been stirrings, barely enough for any female to tell. Saul had assured her she might continue like so, not on display for anyone, even herself, until she began physically showing signs.

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