The sable female was lost in thought, the memories of the night of the raid coursing through her mind with what seemed to be terribly cruel ease. The horrendous incident still brought the grief and guilt bubbling up in the ebony Aedile's chest, she could not bear thinking about that night, she had not been there when the pack had needed her, being outside of the lands, when she had finally heard the call and managed to arrive it was all too late, Anu had been captured and there was nothing Soran could do to change that. She knew that feeling guilty would change nothing, punishing herself with the memory of that night over and over again would never allow her to turn back time, all it would do would build the anger and hatred towards the Aniwayan wolves, then again this might be a good thing, the anger and hatred could be cultivated into something impressive, it would give her the right mentality for the inevitable final battle, Crimson Dreams' stand against Aniwaya. Any fool knew that it would come soon, the patience of the dreaming pack had now been tested to its limit, the pack was at breaking point, they would not stand idly by for much longer, Soran wanted to be a part of this when it happened; she would be there to make the Aniwayans pay for the hurt that they had caused those that the ebony pelted female loved. She would make them hurt as they had hurt her pack mates and friends, but their pain would be physical rather than psychological. The sable female turned the sword over and over in her hands, idly moving, something that she often did when she was nervous or on edge, usually she fiddled with her hair, but now she had the sword she was fiddling with that. The ebony lady had a lot of tactics and tricks to calm herself down, often she read, but she was too wound up even to focus on that today, she could not even play her flute, her mind was too busy, she could not focus on anything properly today, she was too guilty, too concerned about her loved ones. The dark pelted female was in serious turmoil, her heart was aching.
This tirade of self guilt and self pity was rather thankfully broken by the sudden appearance of a familiar wolf approaching. He was just a glimmer in the corner of Soran's eye, she barely registered that he was there until he spoke. She looked up at him and a weary smile crossed her lips. Jazper was always a good wolf to come across, especially now that the sable female had officially told Charm that it was over, that she could not be with her, that she had chosen Deuce to be her mate, all that was left was to tell the pale female that she still loved her, that she still wanted her and to see if the female with the bi-coloured eyes would still be with her.
"I was just thinking about the raid on our home. I was not there when I was needed, I feel so guilty Jazper, I wish that I had come sooner. I wish that I could have done something to rescue Anu" She said with a sorrowful voice, she did not want to bring the male down, but her honest nature and the fact that she trusted the ebony Lictor made the words tumble from her lips without her being able to stop them.
"I found this sword, I was hoping to learn how to use it so that I might help with defending our home, but I am unsure where to start. How about you Jazper dear? How are you today?" She asked, genuinely hoping that the male was having a better day than she was. She smiled at the male again, hoping that the mood might be lightened. It didn't even occur to her that the sable male would be able to teach her to use the sword, even though he was the pack's Lictor and protector the thought did not even cross her mind. The sable female smiled up at the male as she looked him over, he seemed well, this was a good sign, the ebony female held a great affection for him, in another life he would have been calling her mother after all, in the life that she was meant to lead she and Deuce would have always been together and would have more than likely adopted the sable male together. She might still be his mother if Deuce decided that she still wanted her, how would he react to that she wondered, would he be pleased for the pale female? Or would he be confused about his mother's sudden choice, loving a female? The sable female hoped that he would choose the latter rather than the former, she did not want to be the cause of a rift between him and his mother.
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