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Never once did Titania suspect the vein of Juliet's thoughts. Titania was so much like their mother, with her and Orin every emotion was worn on their sleeve. Happiness, heartache, fear, joy, loathing; it all showed in her face and in her demeanor, just as any emotion was usually so strong with almost any wolf. But Juliet could not easily show the things that she felt inside, and as much as she tried Titania couldn't understand it. She didn't even fully know that her sister was like this. Growing up together had given her some clue, some experience to how Juliet handled (or didn't handle) her feelings, but Titania would never know the full weight of how she carried herself – so unwillingly trapped inside.
And so she didn't realize what she was saying to Juliet without trying to say anything bad at all. She didn't notice that she was telling her sister something awful, and that what she told her was the truth that she felt in her heart. She was bragging about how she still had flowers even though all the flowers in Juliet's world were going to die. She was gloating about finding what very well could be the other half of her soul, when her broken sister probably didn't even feel like she had that much. And... she was telling her that she was going to abandon their family. But Titania didn't see it that way, so when Juliet said it, it shocked her like a slap in the face.
“What? No. I... I never... No, Juliet, that's not what I mean,” her eyes pleaded with her sister. No! Don't take it like that! She wanted to cry out at her, tell her that she was wrong, but she suddenly couldn't find the words. At first she stumbled over what she needed to say, and then she realized there wasn't anything to say. She couldn't tell her she was wrong because she wasn't. Then again, Titania couldn't possibly admit to her that she was right.
“No,” she finally eked out, shaking her head fervently as she sat up. “No. You don't understand.” The frustration she felt was all her own doing, but right now it felt like her sister caused it, just like she had felt about their father. “It's not like that. I... you don' know him...”
She lost her words, knowing how stupid she sounded, but for all the wrong reasons. She should have been able to explain it, to talk away the trouble she was getting into with her sister, but there was nothing she could say. “I won't be gone forever. I'll come back all the time and visit, we'll see each other just like we do now. I'll go for a few days, and I'll come back.” She tried to bargain, almost as if she was trying to convince herself too. Convince herself that if she took this step it wouldn't be a mistake. It wouldn't... right?
Image courtesy of mourner@Flickr; table by the Mentors!
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