[m]Tonight we drink to youth

Orin Takekuro · 12-07-2011, 01:07 PM

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It didn’t matter what she said, Mars didn’t want to forgive her for anything. She thought if she just explained it she might be able to get it through that thick skull to one of his minds, but Mars wasn’t up for it. Her only hope was Bartholomew… if the man understood and could just explain it to Mars… But she wasn’t about to appeal to his other half right now. She was getting angrier and angrier at Mars and she didn’t want the other to take over. She wanted Mars to deal with all of this.

She had moved to him to hug him, to try to end the argument and make up then, and he willingly accepted her embrace with all the passion of a man in love. But the embrace only lasted so long, because the words he spoke echoed in her mind and built up inside of her. Why didn’t he get it? It was plain to see… then again, to him, she wasn’t seeing his point either, but Orin didn’t recognize that, she could only see it her way.

A moment passed and she pulled away from him as though she hadn’t been the one to initiate the hug. She glared at him with molten eyes. “You’ll never understand, will you?” her voice was flat and cold, like the realization had frozen her blood. She turned her back on him and moved away, hugging herself as she turned a blank stare to the floor. She was calmer now, still shuddering with sobs that she tried to keep under control.

Or maybe she didn’t get it… she finally thought. She nodded slowly. “Okay, you had to do it too. Maybe our children went through just as much.”

She was quiet again for a moment. Where was Shawchert? That’s right… where was Shawchert when all of this happened? He was supposed to be the alpha wolf of Cercatori d’Arte at the time. She had just given birth to his pups but he was… “With Sky.” She whispered. She had never really thought about it before, she had never blamed Shawchert, but if he had just stuck by the book store instead of been lounging around all cozy with the Katruk woman then maybe Argul wouldn’t have gotten away. If he had never made it to the flower fields, Demetrius could still be alive. She wouldn’t have left… she wouldn’t have been used like she was by Lucifer, and her daughters wouldn’t have had to spend the first few months of their life on the run. Where had his instinct been then? Was he so disconnected with his wolf heritage that he hadn’t felt the need to stay by his family’s den? She always told herself it wasn’t like that… but really, her children were bastards and she had just been the whore who carried them.

Orin shook her head so fervently she nearly rattled her brain. She didn’t want to think of it like that, didn’t want to believe it. And even if so, things were different now. She was going to be married to Shawchert… he had proposed. That meant that he took everything back, right? That he did actually love her. That the fact that he wasn’t there had just been a mistake… a freak accident… But she couldn’t shake the knowledge of where he had been – or at least, where she thought he was when it happened. “He was with Sky, the woman he loved.” Was he only with her because Sky had left him? …yes. She was sure of it. Shawchert had been engaged to Sky, exactly like they were now, with a ceremony in the works and everything. But it was she who left him, Shawchert never would have left Sky for Orin. She was only second best.

She wanted to scream at Mars for the things he was saying. She wanted to deny his accusations about Shawchert, tell him he was wrong and fight for her love’s honor, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t find it in her to feel like he was completely wrong, even if his calloused words were clouded with bias. Before this conversation started she wanted to tell Mars that they were engaged. Now she didn’t even have the heart to tell him, and it wasn’t just because of what he had revealed about himself.

She would have looked over her shoulder but she knew he would be standing there in his anger and in his grief and probably looking oh so smug because he was right. She couldn’t bare to see those exotic blue eyes right now. Instead of turning around she moved over to the open area and sat down on a crate, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them… surprisingly able to do this maneuver in the skilled leather work Mars had done. Guilt quickly washed over her and she started to think that maybe he was right. Maybe she had made some stupid judgment calls then, and no manner of reasoning was excuse.

“You’ll never forgive me.” It was a statement, not a question. “I did the best I could. I’m sorry if it hurt you, Mars, but I didn’t know… I didn’t know… anything. I thought I was saving what I could and that life could go on now that he’s dead. I thought… I guess I was wrong.”

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