Flagellation Introspective,

Caprica D'Angelo · 11-22-2011, 08:06 AM

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WC:500+ (EDIT: SORRY ADMINS :[ I'm really stupid with account linking.) Dramallamacaprica.

She howled, low and heartbreaking, into the wind of her running. She was broiling alive in a terrible, terrible guilt, suffused with the agony of it. She knew she was beyond consolation, and had fled from the packlands, leaving at least fifteen strenuously dug holes empty of their fenceposts: leaving her little brothers, her bigger sister, her solitary mother. The whisper that had grown to a roar of blood panic in her ears had begun weeks before, but she had put off the moment of realisation. She had wanted to live in the fantasy world that everything had worked as she intended, her scheming having brought only good tidings, and the easy coincidence that her passage in the Anatheman tunnels went unimpeded by encounters stirring inappropriate emotions. Now, this world was over, finished. She bore a guilt that would not recede.

It wasn't the fault of the Wiccan. It was her own fault for not being utterly honest and revealing the entire intention behind her charm. Not even the magic was to blame. Only Caprica, for this was what she must have asked for, without meaning to, but without guarding against it either. She felt she was only just aware of her own power to change the world around her, and she had already abused this gift. Of course, it was possible that it was still just a brief leave of absence and she had not spoken to anyone about the missing male, but she just felt she knew deep down that he was gone. Gone because of her.

Irrational, perhaps, but she could not live with herself any longer. What would her mother do if she knew? Any of her packmates? What Caprica had done was unforgivable. She had robbed them. She had robbed herself, too, and now she wailed again to think of her selfishness. Until now, she'd been able to rely on herself. She'd lived through the worst nightmare closing around her, and her mind had protected her from even that, until she couldn't even remember it. She'd lost everyone familiar, and she'd survived alone. Now, it was her own doing that caused torment, and there was nowhere left to retreat. She needed help now, and so she ran, four-legged and ponderous with grief and exhaustion through mile upon mile of forest and clearing. She did not remember the way, so she just kept the dying sun ahead of her and as the day drew near to its close, finally emerged onto open hills. Here the view stirred long-ago memories, and she turned towards the sea, following a path that she could only just recall. When the setting sun glinted on a distant lake, she knew she had the right place, and then she stumbled into the border and gave a choking gasp of relief. Now what? Before, she had been led - paraded so proudly over these borders, every last sibling in tow. Now the one who had led her was a mystery, and she could not enter alone. Caprica slumped to her haunches, then shifted, ending on her knees. In this form she could bury her distraught face in her hands, so she did, and sobbing, crumpled into a ball, shutting out the cruel outside world that was no crueller than she.

Image courtesy of Ant Jackson@Flickr; Table by the Mentors!

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