Help with writing style/keeping up

[Swentzle Byström]

So, I sent this to the 'Souls Mentor account, but then a friend told me that sometimes it takes a while for them to check it, and it's not like I need private help or anything so I'm just gonna quote-post it here. c:

Hi! I was hoping I could get some help with developing a style of writing, or discovering the style I already have and cleaning it up a bit...I've found that I tend to write until it feels like a good point to stop, and that usually leaves people with a short, 200-250 word post, when they're giving me 300 and above in return. I'd like to fix that, if I can, and I think it's got something to do with the way I write, but I'm not sure. I've also been noticing grammatical mistakes in my posts that seem to coincide with my 'style', and I tend to write run on sentences. I'd like to fix that, if I can, but I dunno if it's a bad thing or if it actually makes for a more interesting read/helps with the flow of my posts. I notice that when I start threads, my first couple of paragraphs are disjointed, and I have difficulty going from what's happened earlier in the day/the setting, to the action parts of my post.

Examples: one, two, three

On the last, I'm not happy with my posts in the entire thread...but I'm not sure what to do about them.

On another note, I've been off and on 'Souls for about four years, and I always end up dying within the first couple of weeks. I really don't want that to happen again, because I'm in love with the character I've created this time.  I was hoping one of the Mentors would be able to help me come up with a plot for Swentzle? I'm not very good at thinking them up unless I have one specifically already in mind, and my muse hasn't started to die yet, but I'm worried it will soon. Could you guys please help me with these problems?

Thank you so much in advance for your time and assistance!

I'd really like a little feedback on this stuff...I'm really unhappy with the way I write. xD;