Of course, the inevitable questions about his children would continue to come. Shandom's normally smooth facade was slowly being broken down: shadows of sadness pulled across his handsomely scarred face, and dark yet mismatching eyes were averted to the ground as he considered his sins. What more could have have done for his children? What life could he have given them that did not result in their bastardization? He felt sick at night sometimes, realizing that he caused his children undue pain - though he had not heard from them since he left. He wondered if they were even alive. Perhaps they starved in Keli's unbalanced sadness, and then there would be more children's blood to his name. One looked like me, he murmured, answering Soran's question. My daughter, Zeneca. She was smaller, like her mother, but we had the same white fur. I was surprised any of them came out looking like that... Like me. Keli is so dark - I thought the Qi'Vaex white would be lost forever. A quiet, sardonic laugh followed his statement, though he doubted Soran would understand the importance of continuing his line. It was so long, so aristocratic, so important in Etienne - what would his former pack be like if not led by the Qi'Vaex clan? Halaki was more of a mix of the two of us. And Twensu was dark as Keli. It was strange how it came out that way, but... I thought they were perfect. Perfect and wonderful, as we all think of our children. He gave Soran a sidelong grin, knowing that she would understand the blind devotion a parent had to its child.
He was quiet for several moments, not quite sure how to respond to her question about why he left his children, why they would be in danger. Titania already knew - and, he assumed, Zalen by proxy - and Soran was the Beta.... But so much of his past was bloody and terrible and marked by shame: he did not want that life to be associated with his new one. That was not to say he did not love Lea - oh, how he loved her! The beautiful dark woman still haunted his dreams, and the midnight wolves he so often saw made his heart ache with longing and desperation. But Shandom realized in some part of him, that he could not move on with this life in New Dawn while holding his closely guarded secrets close to his chest. It would not do for him to remain a ghostly figure on the border of everything, caught between one life and the next. And so he drew a deep breath and looked Soran squarely in the eyes, hoping she would not take this as sign of disrespect, but one of trust. It is a story that will cast an unfortunate shadow upon me, Betess, he prefaced. And I will make it short, because it is long and filled with much sadness. For another few seconds he was quiet, trying to summarize the story in his mind.
I have... loved very passionately in my life, Betess, and such love has led to what I consider to be my greatest flaw - a green streak of jealousy that I have never been able to tame. I loved a girl, Linquilea, who was... a sister to me. She did not love me, though we were the best of friends and did everything together. She loved a man named Jax, and I felt entitled to her, as I was the Alpha of my pack, as my family had been for many generations before. I let my jealousy eat away at me until the man named Shandom did not exist, and I was driven to do something terrible... I killed her children in the first light of one morning, though they had always regarded me as an uncle, and Linquilea was blamed. Her mind, always so volatile, snapped - she became a monster that even today I would not be able to recognize. She hates me, and when word reached me that she knew my position, I knew, for the safety of my children, I had to leave. My Lea would have killed them without remorse to cause me the pain I rightly deserve, and I could not do that to them. The white male whined quietly, resorting to the natural sounds of his ancestors to convey his utter, unimaginable grief.
.
[/html]