WC:520
There wasn’t a time he could remember being this emotionally unstable, like nothing could calm him, or that no matter of mental work could undo the damage done to his mind. His headaches had returned, the maddening terrible headaches he remembered from the year previous after the accident from the blizzard. What Amata had called Seizures hadn’t returned or rather if they did he couldn’t remember. His mind was going bonkers; he couldn’t remember what he had done after he had left the pack meeting. Each time his headache came back his memories seemed to black out as well. There was simply to much for the mountain of a man, the man who prided himself on keeping himself together to deal with alone but asking for help wasn’t something he was in the habit of doing. On top of this, his shoulder was healing painfully slow, each day brought no noticeable change, each movement caused a heap of pain to cut through him like a knife.
But his heart beat like some off cue drum, the rhythm messed up and beyond repair, not from some disease, but because it was truly broken. It had all rushed up to him in one heaping pile of shit storm, Nayru leaving, Saul leaving, the encounter at the borders, the meeting, demotion, but the final kicker was his distance from his mate, if he could call her that anymore. Being punished wasn’t something he was upset about but the manner in which he was punished was unspeakable. Shamed in front of the pack and by his mate whom knew him best. He often thought of Jace as well, knowing the woman was in the same position as he was. But he didn’t go and seek her out, there was no point in chasing up allies to a cause that mattered little. It was all too complicated; if his mate didn’t happen to be the alpha or if he had had no mate at all he would have left Ichika that night and would have never returned. But that decision had been choked back with quite a bit of fortitude. It had been easier without X’y around, since she had left for her best friends pack. No border patrols, at least by him, he couldn’t speak for Jace, and without X’y around he wasn’t sure anyone else would do them, but he hoped someone was taking up the responsibility, he hoped.
But today he found himself staring idly at his shop, he wasn’t able to work, and that ate at him too. Normally swinging a hammer at some unfinished bit of hot steel was a good bit of stress relief. A long sigh escaped his throat; a hand raised up to message his temple. Nothing he had helped with these headaches, and they brought on the shakes, which aggravated his shoulder and made him feel so much worse as well. His tall and flawed form turned from the shop, unable to look upon it anymore. Too much sadness and drama to deal with, and no alcohol to escape with he was faced with another dismal day of puttering around and feeling useless.
Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!
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