i am less a man, more a wolf

Shandom Qi'Vaex · 05-18-2012, 02:37 PM

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Congratulations, not only have you revitalized my muse, you made me spit out a post that's longer than one thousand words. I love you. / +1,152

The conscious aversion to his scars was something Shandom had grown accustomed to long ago - he appeared dangerous to some, and an uncomfortable oddity to others. He suspected, however, that neither of these reasons were the ones that afflicted Augustus. The Gamma knew the Epsilon's story, knew how his face was ravaged by his father, and Shandom knew the embarrassment of scars. Some days, when his demons were darker than others, he felt the shame that others assumed he must be naturally acquainted with as he walked through the treacherous valley of life. But, for the most part, he was relatively accepting of his life's station. "After I was given this scar, I - despite my station as Alpha - was driven from my pack and my home, without treatment. I suppose I deserved it - I had killed two very important wolves. The ones who raised me, really," the Qi'Vaex man sighed, his deep voice slightly quieter than it might normally have been. He felt no qualms sharing his bloody past with Augustus. Rather, Shandom felt he might understand better than most. "I was lucky to stumble upon a pair of travelling wolves, who looked as I knew the wolf to be - upon four legs. Rumors of two legged canines had not yet reached my pack, so far removed were we. The first time I saw Tourniquet - the woman - shift..." His chuckled darkly, shaking his head in memory of the alarm and terror he had felt. Shandom had been so proud, in his youth! So certain of his own invincibility! And yet, with one simple motion, Tourniquet and Adonis had proved him entirely wrong. "Well, needless to say I was utterly horrified. But she had been a healer in her past life, and knew methods that would work in a different anatomy... She assured me the process would not kill me, and I would have all the benefits she did. I was weak, you must understand, and dying quickly... I did not have enough courage to pass into the next life, and I allowed her to infect me. Though she could not save my vision, she ultimately saved my life."

Of course, he hadn't meant to talk so much. But it was the natural way of things - the Gamma, once upon a time, had been a natural conversationalist, though the skills were much diminished with age and the sad knowledge of his own unimportance. The knowledge, though, did bless him with some degree of wisdom, and he dipped his head in appreciation and thanks for Augustus' compliment to his nature. Though, what other options did he have? What alternatives did the alabaster brute possess besides moving on with his life to try and lead it as naturally as possible? No, he had done nothing extraordinary. Instead, he'd just decided to live the life he'd always known. In a sense, we have been lucky, just as in a way they have been, Shandom murmured. They have lived in the lap of luxury, and have grown happy and carefree because of it. But we, men of the North, have had no other alternatives but to fight against the very world we live in for survival. It is not an easy existence but... He trailed off for a moment, lost in thought of the life he'd left behind so long ago. But it is a wonderful one, for me at least. I miss the tundra of the north sometimes, if I'll admit. Shandom's voice was wistful and longing for home. But he allowed his lips to curve into a sly grin if only for a moment, shifting briefly back to something Augustus had said earlier. The women there, though, are of the toughness and capability you have been lucky enough to find in Ciara. I won't deny I sometimes wish for a female of my own who is like.... Like us. He found himself momentarily thinking of Naniko, and how lovely she was despite her humanized tendencies. She was as close to ideal as it could be without actually morphing into Linquilea, his beautiful Linquilea, and Shandom glanced away from Augustus for a moment, shamed of his own tender desire for the strong Angela.

He listened, quietly, as Augustus spoke of Terra and tough upbringings. Oh, he understood, and he made quiet noises to let his brother know that he sympathized with what the pale brute had undergone. He did not so easily forget these tales. In so many ways, Augustus reminded Shandom of what he had been in his youth, of how the cruelty and desperation to protect his own gave him the motivation to wake up in the morning. The Epsilon was not a bad wolf, nor was he ill-intentioned or irrationally cruel. He knew how Augustus must have felt, seeing Terra on the ground, and perhaps a bit conflicted about whether or not he should kill her. Shandom would have done the same in Etienne - it had been his responsibility to defend the pack, as Alpha. Likewise, he would have expected his guards to act in a similar manner. But whether or not that was the right thing to do... That was the question at hand.

Shandom sighed heavily, lifting his eyes to meet Augustus'. Killing, Augustus, is a complicated thing, he began, rather softly. You are not so different from the man I used to be. He thought, then, of Terra, and her impish and childlike smile. She was a nuisance, certainly, and could pose danger to New Dawn if her intelligence were only slightly higher. But she was a jester of the highest order and unlikely to ever mature enough to be a serious threat. Shandom liked the girl well enough, but she was not someone he took particularly seriously. Terra is well intentioned, at heart. Having spent a bit of time with her, if I recall, I think you know this. Her lack of understanding for hierarchy is, here he paused, briefly, attempting to find the correct words, unfortunate. For several more moments he was quiet, debating how best to phrase the words that jumbled around in his head. I would not have killed her, Augustus, Shandom eventually murmured. If only because she is a child, and cannot understand. Perhaps, in my younger years and lacking the hindsight I have now, I would have reacted as you did. But killing her would have darkened your heart, Augustus, and it is not so easily lightened again.

She has been adequately warned, though, and the next transgression ought to be her last, the Gamma admitted, remiss as he was to do so. It is, I suppose, the way of things. That, at least, Shandom knew to be true. His heart had softened with years and bloodshed, but he was not an unwise man. Terra had enough warnings, and the tricky girl was not impervious to consequences, mentally addled though she might be.

image - Dawn Thieves texture - lots and taken

table by Nat

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