Bottle it Up

[Tayui Aston]

It's okay I still love you Also omg angst angst angst angst (Eurobeat unce unce angst angst)
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[/html]Tayui didn’t want to hear Anu say it was all right. It wasn’t and she shouldn’t be relaying all of this to old and trusted friend so soon after being reunited. It wasn’t right because there was so much more to the story that if Anu knew everything she had done, her response would be very different. No matter how long they’d known one another, Tayui had never stopped changing. She was tired, yes – and she was both glad and bothered that Anu could tell – but there was so much that made it different. She couldn’t expect sympathy after she explained everything, nor did she want it. She still wanted to tell Vesper to take it back because she didn’t deserve her friendship. She didn’t want to wallow in self pity, either; she just wanted to get what she deserved. And Anu was far too kind.

When Anu tried to look into her eyes, Tayui maintained her gaze, but found herself drawing back. She wanted to tell Anu something, just enough, but didn’t want it to happen like this. She didn’t know what Anu would do if she knew and they hadn’t seen one another in so long. It would be stupid to assume that her friend had not changed as well.

She sighed in agreement when Anu spoke once more and nodded her head slowly. She stoped abruptly when Anu mentioned her sons – Tayui hadn’t known Anu had any children. She tried not to focus on this thought too much because Anu was still talking and she was still saying things of importance. She liked the sentiment and wished she could be as romantic as Anu.

“I’m sorry,” she replied, “but I’ll have to turn you down again. I can never join Crimson Dreams. It’s—it’s just not for me. Maybe you could—you and I—I—no.” She stopped. What could she say? “Thank you for offering. I wish I could. But I know—I wouldn’t be able to find peace here. You—you understand, of course? I’ve been trying for so long, but I can’t just forget what I’ve done. I didn’t just wander, Anu. I couldn’t bring what I’ve done back to you and I couldn’t do that to my son—not after what happened between AniWaya and Crimson Dreams. It would be like the ultimate betrayal for him and I’ve already betrayed him once.”[html]

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